Married+Good friends but still lonely

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h3donist

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Feb 1, 2015
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Location
Birmingham, UK
I've been posting on here for several days now and one thing that has struck me is the amount of people who say they have literally nobody in their lives, no family, no friends, nothing.

It got me thinking, do I belong here? After all I am married to a beautiful girl (something it seems that about 80% of posts here are longing for!) I have a few friends and lots of online and offline acquaintances and a family, albeit they live a long way away, I can still reach them in about 4 hours of driving and I could call then whenever I like. So should I really be feeling lonely when I have a support network like that behind me?

Well I do - I feel as lonely as hell. Don't get me wrong I am grateful for my loved ones, and I love them all dearly and see them as often as I can (which isn't that often) but the empty feeling of loneliness still eats away at me. When you break down my situation, things become clearer. I work in a busy office but I am the only IT technician, meaning I have nobody to talk to in between jobs. My best friend runs her own business so she rarely has time to see me, I don't often have the petrol money to visit my family. It's never a black and white situation.

Which brings me to the conclusion that it doesn't matter how many friends, or family, or work colleagues or lovers you may or may not have - loneliness can still be a huge part of our lives. It also shows that, from the outside, even the most seemingly popular people can still be lonely, so envying others who may seem to be surrounded by people or have their dream girl or boy in the arms is utterly futile. Like the Baz Luhrman song "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)" says "don't waste your time with jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself"

So while I feel for the people on here who have nobody, it's worth remembering that everybody can and often are touched by loneliness. Joining this site is a good start to find help and support - after all I wonder about the countless thousands who live with loneliness but don't even know forums such as this exist. There seems such a lovely wide range of people here, men and women of all ages that are making that first step in dealing with their feelings and reaching out to find others. I hope that everybody here finds what they are looking for, be it companionship, love, friendship and happiness.

Finally I'd love to talk to people privately - I know this bit should be in the networking section but if anyone wants to chat to me about anything other than sport (I know nothing about it!) then please PM me :)

Love you all

h3donist :)
 
I think being lonely or loneliness is more so of a feeling rather than surroundings. One can be married with a hundred friends and twenty best friends, yet still feel lonely. As well as the flip side, one can really be alone in their surroundings, live alone, not have a significant other, yet not feel any bit lonely.
 
Is boredom and loneliness some of the same feelings ?
 
Thank you for posting this. I had been thinking much the same (do I belong here?) because I am also happily married, have at least a few close friends though none local etc and for me add the fact that I'm older than the great majority here.

Nothing against younger people at all...my "BFF" is male and 15 years younger than myself but in general let's be honest...the life issues that preoccupy us tend to change with age :). Can make bridging the gap awkward sometimes.

In any case, thanks for posting something that if I weren't so inclined to be a lazy poster I should have :).
 
After my divorce from Xavier, a close friend said old feelings of rejection and abandonment left over from my childhood arose once the newness of my marriage to him wore off. She was perfectly correct and I am still having to deal with that abandonment when Dad died.

During my marriage, although he was loving, he never listened to me and that made me feel very alone.

Even for myself I don't have an answer, but you are always welcome to knock on my mouse door. :)
 
Have people given you trouble over this?

I don't sympathize the same way a starving third-world child doesn't sympathize with a well-fed American's food poisoning, but I don't think you should be barred from posting or exploring your feelings here. It's poor practice to start setting requirements on a forum like this.
 
Tealeaf said:
Have people given you trouble over this?

I don't sympathize the same way a starving third-world child doesn't sympathize with a well-fed American's food poisoning, but I don't think you should be barred from posting or exploring your feelings here. It's poor practice to start setting requirements on a forum like this.

No, nobody has given me any trouble, it is simply my own observation that, reading lots of the posts on here, many people say they have nobody else in their lives, or are longing to meet the man or woman of their dreams. I wondered if this was the right forum for me as I do have those things already, but as I still feel intense loneliness then I think it is.

I also wanted to point out that people who seem to have everything can be lonely too.
 
Hey im in the same boat as you in a way. Im married, love my wife got two awesome kids, i have a couple people i know, one is even like a sister to me but 90% of my time is spent alone and i hide in my room alot. Im happy that you at least got that job where you can get out amongst people even if it doesnt help much sometimes, trust me its a lot better than not seeing a human soul for months at a time other than people that live in the house. What i was gonna say though is i think for a lot of us loneliness comes from not being able to have those deeper fulfilling connections we all want. Least i know thats what it is for me. I even found out after studying my personality type on the myers brigs thing that, thats sort of a thing my personality type longs for too so its being reinforced through that on top of the other craziness i got going on in my head (APD).

I actually most times feel more lonely around people than when im alone due to that.

So i feel you man. Anyways i just wanted to write and say that i can relate.
 
Thanks everyone :)

It's odd but just reading the posts here, regardless of what they are or who posted them, makes me feel like I have the companionship I have been missing for so long.

So thank you all :)
 

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