SocialRonin
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- Feb 12, 2015
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The irony of Eleanor Rigby is, the same people who embrace her as a fictional character in a popular song are the same people who would skip her funeral if she was real. I've lived with loneliness a long time and there's some cold hard truths I've figured out. I've often fantasized that someone who knows about my loneliness would feel empathy, and want to embrace me, and heal the wounds. That fantasy comes from the world of fiction, because people love to write about the lonely, read about the lonely, watch movies about them. I remember once watching a short film many years ago about a sad, mopey, lonely guy, reading a book in a coffee shop sullenly, and a beautiful woman approached him and started talking to him, and they started walking all over the city reflecting on life and such. And I thought, why doesn't this happen to me?
The answer is clear... when loneliness lives... when it breathes... when the carrier of this affliction feels it and projects it... the social animal people are want to stay away. A lonely person is likely to be needy, and people will run in the opposite direction as fast as they can at the first sign of that. So why do people care for fictional lonely people? Or dead lonely people? Why is it that the story of Vincent Van Gogh moves people 100 years after his death but almost no one cared while he was still alive? I'm not sure I know the answer but I can guess. Living, breathing, real loneliness is simply too close for comfort. With a little disconnect, people can open their hearts to the lonely safely, because there is no pressure for them to fill any void. No one wants that pressure.
And that's the dilemma of the lonely person. If you feel lonely, you are likely to stay lonely. If you try to reach out, feeling the pain of loneliness, people will withdraw their hands. Bottling it up is not the best strategy either, though putting on an act can at least make people feel comfortable. So what is the solution?
To know that, we must understand what loneliness is. Loneliness is not being alone. This is important to understand. Loneliness is a reaction to being alone. It is possible to be alone and not be lonely. It is hard, because human connection is one of our most innate needs. But it is possible. First of all, know that there are others like us. We may be alone, but we are not alone. Then, we must accept things as they are. Again, not easy, but when we want things to be different than they are, this is when we react adversely. This is what we call loneliness. If we can learn to be comfortable with how things are, with being alone, we will not be lonely. Then, when we approach people, we are not projecting our pain outwards. Again, this is not easy. It takes much reflection, and meditation, and if we achieve this comfort for a fleeting moment, we must keep reflecting and meditating or the comfort will slip through our grasp. But it is possible. It is okay to be alone.
I'll leave you with this quote from the great Indian philosopher J. Krishnamurti:
The ecstasy of solitude comes when you are not frightened to be alone, no longer belonging to the world or attached to anything. Then, like the dawn that came up this morning, it comes silently, and makes a golden path in the very stillness, which was at the beginning, which is now, and which will be always there.
The answer is clear... when loneliness lives... when it breathes... when the carrier of this affliction feels it and projects it... the social animal people are want to stay away. A lonely person is likely to be needy, and people will run in the opposite direction as fast as they can at the first sign of that. So why do people care for fictional lonely people? Or dead lonely people? Why is it that the story of Vincent Van Gogh moves people 100 years after his death but almost no one cared while he was still alive? I'm not sure I know the answer but I can guess. Living, breathing, real loneliness is simply too close for comfort. With a little disconnect, people can open their hearts to the lonely safely, because there is no pressure for them to fill any void. No one wants that pressure.
And that's the dilemma of the lonely person. If you feel lonely, you are likely to stay lonely. If you try to reach out, feeling the pain of loneliness, people will withdraw their hands. Bottling it up is not the best strategy either, though putting on an act can at least make people feel comfortable. So what is the solution?
To know that, we must understand what loneliness is. Loneliness is not being alone. This is important to understand. Loneliness is a reaction to being alone. It is possible to be alone and not be lonely. It is hard, because human connection is one of our most innate needs. But it is possible. First of all, know that there are others like us. We may be alone, but we are not alone. Then, we must accept things as they are. Again, not easy, but when we want things to be different than they are, this is when we react adversely. This is what we call loneliness. If we can learn to be comfortable with how things are, with being alone, we will not be lonely. Then, when we approach people, we are not projecting our pain outwards. Again, this is not easy. It takes much reflection, and meditation, and if we achieve this comfort for a fleeting moment, we must keep reflecting and meditating or the comfort will slip through our grasp. But it is possible. It is okay to be alone.
I'll leave you with this quote from the great Indian philosopher J. Krishnamurti:
The ecstasy of solitude comes when you are not frightened to be alone, no longer belonging to the world or attached to anything. Then, like the dawn that came up this morning, it comes silently, and makes a golden path in the very stillness, which was at the beginning, which is now, and which will be always there.