Lonely-> Depression-> Anxiety

I feel like I've gotten trapped in this cycle and am trying hard to get out of it. So I thought there might be some people out there who could relate and we could discuss.

I'm not actually completely isolated. I have family, as I'm sure most of you do, and friends (using the term loosely) but we don't talk often and rarely see each other. It's not the same sort of connection/companionship you get with close friends or a partner.


But the cycle started with isolation, then became loneliness, then depression and anxiety. Now it's like the more I try to get out, the more anxious and panicked I become, the more I want to continue to be alone (hiding myself at home lol) but that makes me feel more depressed and eager to get out more.. To find connection, to work on my anxiety and shyness etc...If that makes sense.

It makes perfect sense and I understand how you feel. After period of isolation it can feel difficult even to leave the house, as if if people are looking and probably having negative thoughts about you.

Of course the negative thoughts are one's own. Most people aren't thinking about you, they have their own thoughts to contend with.

Its great that you recognise you are in a cycle and are making an effort not to be, I think that's key and its what, from time to time, I have to do myself. Make an effort, basically, not make excuses.

I find my dog a key bit of the strategy for getting out.. I have to take him for a walk every day, so I get out and people say hello etc as I walk him. As well as the exercise, turning my focus outward, to the things outside like the weather, the birds singing in the trees, ( or more recently the rain splashing in the puddles) is also helpful. Being too inward looking and focussing on self isn't a good thing. It tends to make the bad feelings worse.

I relate to it Coolio. I think of the process you're describing as a self reinforcing feedback loop and it happens to me as well. I don't really have any answers that work, I'm afraid. This winter, when my public service volunteer activity was discontinued, I actually sought out the company of some of the lost souls who hang out at the public library......the other lonely people who need some place to go and something to do instead of just sitting at home. We could recognize each other......it's like lonely persons' radar.

The social contact seemed to reduce the anxiety level that continual aloneness generated. Still, it didn't seem like a first rate, satisfactory answer.....it kind of felt like a losers club. But then again this forum might be that too. I guess if one needs a crutch, one might as well use what one has and crutch one's way forward.

Coolio, I have had bad anxiety attacks for many years, sometimes just the thought of having to get to the store throws me into a panic. It's tougher coping with the anxiety of going out when alone, as obviously there is no one to talk to, or drive if need be, or be a source of calming talk, love and positive reinforcement. I had these things when I was married too but they were more infrequent and they weren't the same as they are now. I did much better not being alone (always hated it), and I believe if life had gotten better rather than much worse I would have continued to cope better, not perfect but much better. I can go outside on a nice day and start having one, I think that is sort of triggered by my inclination toward PTSD and everything I look at being a reminder or link to the past. So though I hate this house and all, It's comforting to get back into this dark hole. Of course I feel worse that I'm so pathetic and thisis my life. So the circle of depression (with all it's emotions) and anxiety feeds itself well.

Have you tried any meds for your condition? Perhaps that could help stabilze you some so you could make some progress. I'm a treatment resistant type so nothing really works on me. They do have some groups through the Natl Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) if you are in the states. You might look into that. Have you checked around to see if there is anyone on the forum living in your area? I'm sure you could do better if ya had a friend that understood and could go with ya. Maybe even being able to phone someone ( a forum mate from here or a NAMI type group) once you were out would help ya cope and lessen the anxiety. It's a terrible problem and most people have no idea how difficult it is to cope with the symptoms of this illness. I hope you are able to do better and get over the anxiety of going out.

Sorry about that..

The only solution I've found is to set up situations where people aren't interacting with me as friends in the first place, but are pleasant. Gaming streams or small writing communities, for example. Despite having absolutely zero people to start with, I'm also trying to start activity groups on campus.

I also have my instructors, all twice my age, who I like talking to in class.

People don't care about me for me worth a bucket of fucks, but they'll take my ideas and direction on class projects. Might as well use it.

That cycle is what I call the loneliness trap. You have to break out of it.

I am lonely because I live alone and don't drive and have no friends in this area. The circumstances that led me to live here were not my choice. I have suffered from depression and anxiety attacks for so many years I can't count. What helps me (besides medication and therapy) the most is talking on the phone with 2 phone friends I have that also have depression and anxiety. If you want to PM me, go right ahead.

Hey guys!

Thanks for all the replies I don't have anxiety about going outside. It's more like my depression has given me anxiety/phobias.. Crowds, loud noises, heights, enclosed spaces (including any elevator for the last two) all these different sorts of things that trigger anxious feelings in me and therefore make it hard for me to "be normal" and hang out order people.

my doctor offered me medication but I googled different meds, their pros/cons, side effects and I just couldn't bring myself to take any. Especially when people said that for the first few weeks anxiety/panic attacks could worsen. So basically the thought of taking anxiety medication have me anxiety lol so back to my original point. That it's not going outside itself like agoraphobia. And I've told myself that its fixable and I just need to tough it out and get out there and do stuff. For instance being at home and not very active, I've gained a lot of weight the last few years. So I tell myself I need to start exercising everyday. That will help in many ways as in shedding weight, getting for, better sleep, some much needed endorphins, more confidence, and a hobby! I could join a runners club or soccer league etc.. But so I do it? No! I read another post on here and a user said she has a hard time explaining what she does because basically she sits at home, mucks around on the internet and let's time pass... And that's me!

Anyway I think I'm just rambling at this point. I realize it's a cycle and I need to break it. The "want" is there just not the "do" and I know what I need to do to achieve the results I want bit just can't seem to do it everyday or any day really.. But then I feel like I do nothing all day and am somehow still tired at the end of the day. I just wondered if it was just me? Sorry this is more of a rant than anything. Lol guess I needed to vent, although I didn't word it very well to explain the cycle of anxiety depression and loneliness.

Coolio, I have so many of those labels or diagnoses, whatever you want to call them. If you ever want to PM, I'll be here. Don't worry about "ranting"--that's what the Forum is for--if you don't speak up, no one will be able to tell you they can relate to you! WishingWell

Hey wishing well, thanks! Good to know it's not just me. For so long I can't figure out what's wrong with me. Like I know depression has some side effects but I didn't realize how much it was affecting me until now. When I can't complete daily tasks or things I want to do! Just can't find the energy or motivation. Anyway thanks!!

It's difficult to break out of those cycles (and I'm speaking from my similar experiences) but as others have said, you do recognize the problem and that's huge. Finding the energy or motivation is always the challenge (I still struggle with that at times) and is the hardest thing to overcome. You just need to keep trying different things to find what works for you. I'm sure others here will have some suggestions to go along with what others have said.

No, it certainly is not you! I have 2 friends with it, and I used to belong to a social club with people with those problems.

A lot of times, it's not your situation. It can come from a chemical imbalance in your brain. I have researched it for years. I've been having those problems for 35 years. Please don't compare yourself to me though. Some people go to a doctor and get medicine, take it for 6 months and never have a problem after that!

Good luck to you. Like I said, if you want to PM me, I am always here.

Coolio said:

Hey wishing well, thanks! Good to know it's not just me. For so long I can't figure out what's wrong with me. Like I know depression has some side effects but I didn't realize how much it was affecting me until now. When I can't complete daily tasks or things I want to do! Just can't find the energy or motivation. Anyway thanks!!

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Ok thanks everyone. I recently moved into a building with a gym. So now it's right downstairs and I've been trying to go everyday if not every other day. So far I've been on a week long streak. I'm also looking online for a tutor or language exchange partner. I've been trying to learn French and ASL on my own for years. But no one to practice with I often forget what I learned so I'm always relearning the basics. I'm just sharing so that way maybe it might help to give some other people ideas of thier own to break out of their trap, rut, cycle or whatever you want to call it. So har it's been hard finding the energy to go to the gym, but everyday it becomes a little easier. I just keep reminding myself of the long term benefits and I know how miserable I've been and don't want to continue on this path forever. So I guess mentally I think about the lowest I've been and compare it to the "what if" the possibility of much better days and that's what has kept me going for now.

Coolio said:

Ok thanks everyone. I recently moved into a building with a gym. So now it's right downstairs and I've been trying to go everyday if not every other day. So far I've been on a week long streak. I'm also looking online for a tutor or language exchange partner. I've been trying to learn French and ASL on my own for years. But no one to practice with I often forget what I learned so I'm always relearning the basics. I'm just sharing so that way maybe it might help to give some other people ideas of thier own to break out of their trap, rut, cycle or whatever you want to call it. So har it's been hard finding the energy to go to the gym, but everyday it becomes a little easier. I just keep reminding myself of the long term benefits and I know how miserable I've been and don't want to continue on this path forever. So I guess mentally I think about the lowest I've been and compare it to the "what if" the possibility of much better days and that's what has kept me going for now.

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ASL as in American Sign Language?

Coolio said:

Ok thanks everyone. I recently moved into a building with a gym. So now it's right downstairs and I've been trying to go everyday if not every other day. So far I've been on a week long streak. I'm also looking online for a tutor or language exchange partner. I've been trying to learn French and ASL on my own for years. But no one to practice with I often forget what I learned so I'm always relearning the basics. I'm just sharing so that way maybe it might help to give some other people ideas of thier own to break out of their trap, rut, cycle or whatever you want to call it. So har it's been hard finding the energy to go to the gym, but everyday it becomes a little easier. I just keep reminding myself of the long term benefits and I know how miserable I've been and don't want to continue on this path forever. So I guess mentally I think about the lowest I've been and compare it to the "what if" the possibility of much better days and that's what has kept me going for now.

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When I was on the Interpals pen pal site, I saw many from all over the world looking for people to practice language skills with. You might try that.

SophiaGrace said:

Coolio said:

Ok thanks everyone. I recently moved into a building with a gym. So now it's right downstairs and I've been trying to go everyday if not every other day. So far I've been on a week long streak. I'm also looking online for a tutor or language exchange partner. I've been trying to learn French and ASL on my own for years. But no one to practice with I often forget what I learned so I'm always relearning the basics. I'm just sharing so that way maybe it might help to give some other people ideas of thier own to break out of their trap, rut, cycle or whatever you want to call it. So har it's been hard finding the energy to go to the gym, but everyday it becomes a little easier. I just keep reminding myself of the long term benefits and I know how miserable I've been and don't want to continue on this path forever. So I guess mentally I think about the lowest I've been and compare it to the "what if" the possibility of much better days and that's what has kept me going for now.

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ASL as in American Sign Language?

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Yes American Sign Language. Way back in the day I had planned on being an interpreter lol that didn't really pan out but I still have a passion for languages

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tc00 said:

Coolio said:

Ok thanks everyone. I recently moved into a building with a gym. So now it's right downstairs and I've been trying to go everyday if not every other day. So far I've been on a week long streak. I'm also looking online for a tutor or language exchange partner. I've been trying to learn French and ASL on my own for years. But no one to practice with I often forget what I learned so I'm always relearning the basics. I'm just sharing so that way maybe it might help to give some other people ideas of thier own to break out of their trap, rut, cycle or whatever you want to call it. So har it's been hard finding the energy to go to the gym, but everyday it becomes a little easier. I just keep reminding myself of the long term benefits and I know how miserable I've been and don't want to continue on this path forever. So I guess mentally I think about the lowest I've been and compare it to the "what if" the possibility of much better days and that's what has kept me going for now.

Click to expand...

When I was on the Interpals pen pal site, I saw many from all over the world looking for people to practice language skills with. You might try that.

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Yes I recently singed up for conversationexchange.com and you can find people locally or internationally (using Skype, texts, emails etc to practice) thanks

I can relate to this thread and I've fallen into the trap as well. I hardly leave my house either cause I have no friends to hang out with. I'm thinking about going out just to go out for walks, maybe this could help you. That way you won't be trapped inside your house all day long. Or pick up some new hobbies. I'm always here if you ever need someone to talk too. I'll give you support.

Thanks wallflower! I actually have been on a streak with going to the gym. And even just that has made me feel a million times better. I mean it's a process of breaking bad habits and replacing with good ones. Instead of reading a million and one romance novels I've started reading books on history, politics, trying to keep up with news. Been studying the languages I mentioned before, basically just trying to improve myself anyway I can. And although I haven't been doing it long, I'm excited about the possibilities and I can see the person I want to be. It all comes down to confidence and I'm trying to improve mine and hope that will make me
Feel more comfortable with myself and therefore more comfortable being social and getting outer in the world. Sorry I'm not explaining this very well as I'm typing in a rush so I probably sound a little redundant in my explanation. So to anyone else who made be reading this, find hobbies or tasks you enjoy doing and start replacing the good with the bad. And try to get out of the house as much as possible, for walks, to gym, go site at Starbucks and do sudoku or whatever you feel like doing

I am without a companion. I go to work, go home, cook & clean, shop for food . and repeat everyday of my life. I have 5 people that I talk to at work everyday and that is all. I am longing for somebody to be out of the normal and say hey lets go do this . I am living a groundhog day everyday! I have been thinking about the mars program and that is what my life is like-isolated from everybody . nobody tries to be friends with me. what am I supposed to do on this planet?