I can't bear this situation anymore.

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Hopetracer

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My parents are angry and argue because they think I am studying and working too much. They say they can't see me, talk to me and I'm not helping them enough with the work at home anymore. Then if I ever take a break they scold me and say I'm being a lazy not-good-for-anything. I'm stuck between their contradictory ideas. If I talk to them they yell I shouldn't talk back and that I am a disrespecting and ungrateful brat. Since I'm their child and lack the life experience they have, they are always right and I'm always wrong. This is what's going on everyday at home. I wish I could escape them. I don't have any peace of mind anymore. I can't concentrate anymore and I am supposed to study hard. My professors are not satisfied even though I put all my efforts on my studies. They probably think I'm lazing around and don't study well.

I've heard so many times my parents say they wish they didn't have any children. My mom have told me she wish she gave birth to a stone rather than me. I don't know what kind of child I am supposed to be. I don't do drugs. I hate smoking and alcohol. I even don't have any friends to hang out with and cause my parents trouble. Yet I feel as if I am a criminal because of my parents words. I feel guilty that I exist. If they really don't want children I can fulfill their wish. I am tired of my life. I have enough in life to feel depressed and suicidal. I never wanted to be a burden, to have a life of studying day and night and overworking, a life I can't talk about because it's not interesting, a life I'm embarrassed of, a life that causes more harm than good to anyone coming in contact with. I never wanted a lonely life. I wish I could talk with my parents about my interests, about what I study, about university classes and the problems I face there, about loneliness, about how I feel, about repressed emotions, about my values in life, my beliefs, my thoughts and opinions, about my life. There's no emotional support. No affection. I have no friends to confide in. I have no one to feel connected to. I've never had girlfriend. I've never been given a chance to date. I will be a lonely and single person forever. I don't have any attachments in life to keep me alive.

I'm feeling so guilty for writing this post. I know it's annoying and bring everyone down. I wouldn't write it but my head's exploding right now. Things have been worsen at home since six months ago when I started MA course and I've been bearing it but I can't continue this anymore.
 
Do you have any support at University? Like a counsellor, student resources, that sort of thing? The way you describe your parents, and they way they treat you is awful - the words your mother told you...inexcusable. Is it possible to get a small apartment, or live in a dorm until you are finished school? I think this is the most important thing you should be focused on right now. At any rate, I am hoping you can find some sort of assistance through your school, if only to talk to someone about what it going on in your life and your difficulties at home. Perhaps an honest chat with your professors might help too?

Hang in there - it sounds like life is really, really tough for you right now. And please, please, never feel guilty for expressing your feelings...you have every right to feel the way you do. Hugs...
 
NO!

**** I hated reading this. Just hated it. I'm not upset with you but rather the things your parents have said to you. Ok, so they didn't want any kids. It's their problem for making you feel unwanted and you should not accept that is the way it is.

You say you are depressed and suicidal. I get it. After what I read I understand what you mean. Now think about this for a minute. The worst thing that can happen here is if you actually go through with this. I don't want that to happen at all and I am sure you don't want it either. Do you think your parents are going to mourn you after you are gone? Maybe not based on what they have told you. There's an old saying that goes like this. Living well is the best revenge. Think about that tonight long and hard. No one deserves to hear what you did. The best thing you can do is get past this nonsense and show them you're worth it and then have them eat their words.
 
I'm sorry you're having to go through this MadeOfLove. No one should have to. And especially to hear those words from a parent is just so beyond wrong.

I would like to reinforce what both Ringwood and BeyondShy have said. You definitely need to check out your school's resources as they will almost certainly have people who you could talk to about this and at the least, point you in some right directions. They are used to dealing with students suffering from depression and anxiety from a multitude of causes. What you're feeling is very understandable from what you're having to live through. Just don't let them win by giving in to the guilt they are putting you through.

Don't ever fee bad about sharing things on the forum. Just putting the words out there sometimes can help relieve some of the pressure. Plus you will probably get some good advice from those who have been through similar trials like you're going through.
 
That sucks. What shitty parents. Just stick to your studies, get yourself a good job so you can leave their house and make something out of yourself. There is not better revenge than rising above those who want to keep you down.
 
Sorry to hear about this MadeofLove, I can understand why you feel so down if your living in an environment like that. Like others have said talk to your uni/college and if you are able to move into dorms etc I think that would be good to take you out of what is a negative home environment. If you can't do that right now try and look after yourself and focusing on your education and future so you can get out as I think that will improve things a lot for you. Try not to let the things your parents say bother you, it sounds like they are being really unfair to you.

Hope things get better.
 
One of my friends is in a similar situation with equally crappy parents and an evil little prick of a sister who tells their father terrible stories just to gleefully see her being torn down. But like my friend, if you work very hard to achieve good grades and continue being top in your chosen subjects, then your motivation of sheer hard graft will become your ticket out of home.

I know this may sound ludicous, but stay off any social networking sites, forums and whatever you belong to so as to fully concentrate on your studies. Reward comes when after a long week you go back online for a bit on internet browsing joy. Study: read, read, read and revise. Where your other peers may seem to slack, you will be streets ahead of them.

Work hard to obtain qualifications from uni like my other friend who is hoping to do her PhD in forensic psychology. It's all going to take years, by which time your whole life will have turned around to become a purely academic one. By then you will be enjoying a quality of life far better than the hell you are having to endure right now. You will become all the stronger for it, too. Hard work and single-minded determination, I am sure, will eventually get you where you want. :)

Anna
 
MadeofLove said:
My parents are angry and argue because they think I am studying and working too much. They say they can't see me, talk to me and I'm not helping them enough with the work at home anymore. Then if I ever take a break they scold me and say I'm being a lazy not-good-for-anything. I'm stuck between their contradictory ideas. If I talk to them they yell I shouldn't talk back and that I am a disrespecting and ungrateful brat. Since I'm their child and lack the life experience they have, they are always right and I'm always wrong. This is what's going on everyday at home. I wish I could escape them. I don't have any peace of mind anymore. I can't concentrate anymore and I am supposed to study hard. My professors are not satisfied even though I put all my efforts on my studies. They probably think I'm lazing around and don't study well.

I've heard so many times my parents say they wish they didn't have any children. My mom have told me she wish she gave birth to a stone rather than me. I don't know what kind of child I am supposed to be. I don't do drugs. I hate smoking and alcohol. I even don't have any friends to hang out with and cause my parents trouble. Yet I feel as if I am a criminal because of my parents words. I feel guilty that I exist. If they really don't want children I can fulfill their wish. I am tired of my life. I have enough in life to feel depressed and suicidal. I never wanted to be a burden, to have a life of studying day and night and overworking, a life I can't talk about because it's not interesting, a life I'm embarrassed of, a life that causes more harm than good to anyone coming in contact with. I never wanted a lonely life. I wish I could talk with my parents about my interests, about what I study, about university classes and the problems I face there, about loneliness, about how I feel, about repressed emotions, about my values in life, my beliefs, my thoughts and opinions, about my life. There's no emotional support. No affection. I have no friends to confide in. I have no one to feel connected to. I've never had girlfriend. I've never been given a chance to date. I will be a lonely and single person forever. I don't have any attachments in life to keep me alive.

I'm feeling so guilty for writing this post. I know it's annoying and bring everyone down. I wouldn't write it but my head's exploding right now. Things have been worsen at home since six months ago when I started MA course and I've been bearing it but I can't continue this anymore.

This is a post I could have written myself. I have been/am in this very situation; I've spoken these very words. I'm sorry I don't know what to tell you other than that I understand completely, and I wish you the best. I hope you can find some support, somewhere...
 
I agree with the others above who have suggested you work hard on your studies, get as much support as you can, and move out as soon as you can, away from your truly appalling parents. Build your own life far away from their toxic influence.
And, maybe I shouldn't add this, but if they become old and infirm in the future, don't give up your life to come back and to care for them as they do not care about you from the sounds of things.
 
MadeofLove said:
I've heard so many times my parents say they wish they didn't have any children. My mom have told me she wish she gave birth to a stone rather than me.

I'm feeling so guilty for writing this post. I know it's annoying and bring everyone down. I wouldn't write it but my head's exploding right now. Things have been worsen at home since six months ago when I started MA course and I've been bearing it but I can't continue this anymore.

What a horrid thing for a mother to say to her own child. That's verbal abuse.
Don't feel guilty for posting here! We are here to listen and your post may even help someone who is going through the same things to not feel alone.
May I suggest that you do everything that you can to stay in school - finishing your education is going to be your golden ticket away from your parents and to a better life for yourself.
And do keep us updated on how you're doing.

-Teresa
 
MadeofLove, How much longer do you have in school and what are you studing? Do you have any other family or friends you might be able to move in with? If not then how about doing your studying at the library or someplace other than your house and spending as little time at home as possible? That might help you concentrate better on your studies. At least you won't get the sniping while in the middle of reading or writing something for a class.

My mom grew to hate me as my depression and other problems got worse. She hung up me when I was threatening suicide, mocked me when I was having an anxiety attack and was stuttering very badly, further mocked my feelings while going through a divorce, and stated I wasn't a priority to anyone. So I can relate to very hurtful comments like those you have gotten. Though it's easy to turn this pain inward and feel worse about yourself, remember they are the ones screwed up, they are the ones with the problem. Don't let them drag you into a discussion or argument. All the talking and they still won't see what they are doing is the problem. Or if they do admit any part in it and apologize, the same thing will happen again. I'm sorry, I hope things get better for you. Best of luck to you.
 
MadofLove, we talked about this in chat the other day (I'm sure you can figure out who I am, if you don't know already. lol). I think you should look more into what we talked about. It might be difficult to get accomplished, but I think it would help you tremendously if you can get it.

Please don't give up and keep doing what you're doing. You were very passionate about wanting to finish college and finding someone more than you have. Keep aiming for that and if you ever need to talk, I'm usually around, if not in chat, then don't hesitate to send me a PM.
 
Thank you everyone for your responses.

I've been trying to pull my mind together but as the situation at home never seems to change I always have a busy mind stuffed with matters that I don't like it to be busy with. I was hoping to get a peaceful mind over time and then write here again but it seems to be a wishful thinking in the face of bitter reality. Just hours ago my father got angry again because I was trying to study and after name-calling me, ended the argument with "f the kind of studies that don't allow you to do anything with your parents."
 
you'll never have their approvation...so,stop to find it (and you also could have more respect...searching for approvation is the best way to be . the good thing is that you don't need of approvation,even if now you don't understand that ;) first,is there a possibility going out of home? I took a room where I'm living, I live with a few money,I can't do nothing because I've no money in this period but I'm very happy,for the first time :)))

it would be the best step to start...then you could think to solve the other problems... there are solutions even for those, but the answer could be too long and I'm not very good with english language XP
 
ringwood said:
Do you have any support at University? Like a counsellor, student resources, that sort of thing? The way you describe your parents, and they way they treat you is awful - the words your mother told you...inexcusable. Is it possible to get a small apartment, or live in a dorm until you are finished school? I think this is the most important thing you should be focused on right now. At any rate, I am hoping you can find some sort of assistance through your school, if only to talk to someone about what it going on in your life and your difficulties at home. Perhaps an honest chat with your professors might help too?

Hang in there - it sounds like life is really, really tough for you right now. And please, please, never feel guilty for expressing your feelings...you have every right to feel the way you do. Hugs...

Thank you for your response.

University doesn't care much about personal life of students. I've thought about practical ways of moving out and being independent but it's not possible. I'm on scholarship and the only privilege it provides here is that I don't pay uni tuition. I also work and have taken uni loan but they are not enough to move out and be independent in any way. My parents will be seriously against the idea of living in a dorm which will lead to further problems. They get badly angry when I spent most of my time at the library to study which made me to stop doing it.

Some of my professors have firmly said they don't have much free time out of class for students to even ask for academic questions. Once we talked to one of professors about the fact we need to work beside studying and she replied we can't do them both, we should choose either working or studying. I'm going to see if I can talk to any of the professors about my problem although I cringe when I think about the idea. They might even think that I'm making up excuses to receive some leniency.


BeyondShy said:
NO!

**** I hated reading this. Just hated it. I'm not upset with you but rather the things your parents have said to you. Ok, so they didn't want any kids. It's their problem for making you feel unwanted and you should not accept that is the way it is.

You say you are depressed and suicidal. I get it. After what I read I understand what you mean. Now think about this for a minute. The worst thing that can happen here is if you actually go through with this. I don't want that to happen at all and I am sure you don't want it either. Do you think your parents are going to mourn you after you are gone? Maybe not based on what they have told you. There's an old saying that goes like this. Living well is the best revenge. Think about that tonight long and hard. No one deserves to hear what you did. The best thing you can do is get past this nonsense and show them you're worth it and then have them eat their words.

I should've added (triggering) on the title. Now my carelessness might upset anyone who checks the thread. I apologize for the sadness this thread may cause. I wasn't in a good.

Thank you. I hope I can live well but nothing seems to be going on that direction right now.


wolvesjr said:
I'm sorry you're having to go through this MadeOfLove. No one should have to. And especially to hear those words from a parent is just so beyond wrong.

I would like to reinforce what both Ringwood and BeyondShy have said. You definitely need to check out your school's resources as they will almost certainly have people who you could talk to about this and at the least, point you in some right directions. They are used to dealing with students suffering from depression and anxiety from a multitude of causes. What you're feeling is very understandable from what you're having to live through. Just don't let them win by giving in to the guilt they are putting you through.

Don't ever fee bad about sharing things on the forum. Just putting the words out there sometimes can help relieve some of the pressure. Plus you will probably get some good advice from those who have been through similar trials like you're going through.

Thanks...I'll try to see if I can find someone in the uni to talk to although I know I won't be able to find anyone.

I really cringe on writing such a thread or telling how I feel.

Solivagant said:
This is a post I could have written myself. I have been/am in this very situation; I've spoken these very words. I'm sorry I don't know what to tell you other than that I understand completely, and I wish you the best. I hope you can find some support, somewhere...

I'm sorry you're in a similar situation. Likewise I wish you the best.
 
Tiina63 said:
And, maybe I shouldn't add this, but if they become old and infirm in the future, don't give up your life to come back and to care for them as they do not care about you from the sounds of things.

That would be a hard decision for me to make. Won't it be morally wrong to leave them alone while I might be able to help? Maybe I shouldn't think about it right now and leave the decision making for the moment. Who knows what kind of things might happen by that time.
 
Whoa, that really sounds harsh..and it's really sad to see a person show such despair. I think you should stop paying attention to what others think of you, you seem and I'm pretty sure you are a really good person. Try to consider your self above others, superior, while it may sound like an irrational and bad thing, a little bit of narrow minded ego works wonders in this case, at least it did for me. If you need a friend or someone to who you can talk to if you feel down, feel free to add me!
 
SofiasMami said:
What a horrid thing for a mother to say to her own child. That's verbal abuse.
Don't feel guilty for posting here! We are here to listen and your post may even help someone who is going through the same things to not feel alone.
May I suggest that you do everything that you can to stay in school - finishing your education is going to be your golden ticket away from your parents and to a better life for yourself.
And do keep us updated on how you're doing.

-Teresa

Thank you,

I'm going to finish my education anyway. I also want to continue it as far as I will be able to. Even if I officially stop my education at some point in my life, I won't stop self-reading and learning.

All is left for me in life to do is studying and learning...and now my parents trying to even take that. If there is any way for me to change my life it is education. There is so much word in uni about how students won't have any half-decent job after graduation regardless of their field of study. Some of my professors also agree on that. A classmate of mine who's 33 told me at least we see and realize the reality. He said I'm lucky that I see it in a younger age. Whether this is self-deception or not, I stubbornly try to stay hopeful and continue my studies anyway. What other way is left in life for me to take and change my life?
 
tc00 said:
MadeofLove, How much longer do you have in school and what are you studing? Do you have any other family or friends you might be able to move in with? If not then how about doing your studying at the library or someplace other than your house and spending as little time at home as possible? That might help you concentrate better on your studies. At least you won't get the sniping while in the middle of reading or writing something for a class.

My mom grew to hate me as my depression and other problems got worse. She hung up me when I was threatening suicide, mocked me when I was having an anxiety attack and was stuttering very badly, further mocked my feelings while going through a divorce, and stated I wasn't a priority to anyone. So I can relate to very hurtful comments like those you have gotten. Though it's easy to turn this pain inward and feel worse about yourself, remember they are the ones screwed up, they are the ones with the problem. Don't let them drag you into a discussion or argument. All the talking and they still won't see what they are doing is the problem. Or if they do admit any part in it and apologize, the same thing will happen again. I'm sorry, I hope things get better for you. Best of luck to you.

I'm doing my second semester of my MA in English literature. My intention is to continue my education as much as I can. Moving in with a family or friend is not possible. I tried studying at library in the past but my parents started to make my life hell when I came back home so I decided not to do it anymore.

I'm sorry you've gone through all that. It's really sad...How is your life right now? I hope your life have turned better. Best of wishes to you as well.

Thank you for your care and suggestions. I really appreciate it.
 

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