Am I TRULY a lonely individual? Or… (LONG)

Hey everybody. I was wondering if I could get some of your help here. I was analyzing myself and I couldn’t agree as to decide what I was, I’ve always thought that I was just lonely, but other conclusions I came up were “lazy,” “self-pitiful,” “whiner,” “late-bloomer,” “hopeless” and “two or more categories” or “all of the above.” I’m not going to mention EVERY detail, but I’m going to tell how my current state of life is in a nutshell, so you all can tell what I truly am.

In less than two months I’ll be 25-years old; I finished High School, but dropped out of College; I don’t have a car and I don’t know how to drive; I don’t have a job, although I help my dad in his paperwork and pays me a bit (he runs a carpentry, for those who want to know); I don’t have any offline friends and the few I’ve made online are gone; I haven’t experienced any sort of romance or intimacy; I live with my parents and depend on them; I am quite chubby, very physically weak and have a messy head (I’m not just referring to my hair here, I’m mentioning my whole head in general); I am capable of making decisions on my own, but becomes a dilemma when someone else recommends me another option (even in simple things as food choice); and finally, I purposely act emotionless around people, so they can lose interest in me and don’t know who and how I am, but I do want to be around them, it’s just that I don’t want them to know the things I just listed, nor the other ones you’re all about to read.

My daily routine is:

Morning: get up around/between 7am and 9am, do a 30/40 minute walk/jog every two days, shower around/between 11am and 12pm.

Afternoon: I usually sit/lie on my bed and follow an agenda of hobbies that are all done in my laptop. They include advancing on a novel I’m planning to write (how original…), watch/downloading all sorts of documents, music, images, videos, etc. Every once in a while I’ll get bored of my laptop and go do something else that’s indoor related, like reading/hearing/watching some of my downloads or play a video game. I also go to visit my grandma about 4/5 days a week at this hour and stay there for the rest of the afternoon (Her house and mine are the places I’m normally in, every other place is just rare).

Night: I either continue my hobbies from my laptop or keep advancing on the video game I’m currently playing and stay like that until I go to sleep, which is around/between 12am and 1am.

There are some days on which I stop this routine altogether because I feel down. They usually happen whenever I’m left at the house by myself or when I make someone angry, even because of the littlest of unnoticeable things. During those times I feel like crying, my body completely shuts-off and can’t help but imagine all sorts of bad stuff, like: ending up as a 50-year-old guy in a small, dirty department with my family long gone; seeing my 5-year-old nephew as a very successful teenager, accomplishing far more than what I did at that age; wishing for the worst for all the lovebirds I see whenever I go out; contemplating suicide; etc. I’m very grateful of having my comforting bed at those times, I can cuddle in it and hug my pillow for all the time I want and then just try to forget about all of that negativity by taking a nap. When I wake up, I definitely feel better, but I sadly realize yet again that everything is still the same.

I open my emails, for the fifth/sixth/seventh time in the day, hoping in vain to see that someone has sent me a friend request or, at least, that a previous friend wants to talk with me again; I go outside to the store, try to ignore couples and try not to think that I won’t be a boyfriend to a pretty lady I see passing by (I always think that Mother Nature is making fun of me now, like “Oh, you like that beauty? Well, f*ck you! My gene-pool has no place for guys like you!) and just try to go on with my “life” without trying to not further disappointing anyone that’s around me.

I know this’ll sound odd, but I’ve always have had this desire of waking up in my room, but with everything around me colorless, with intense rays of light coming in from my windows, then realizing that I’m dead and hoping to see Heaven outside when I open my front door. I can’t accept the fact that I’m currently living this way and I can’t accept the fact that I don’t have enough strength to change it either. There are so many things I want to do, but unless a miracle happens, I’ll always remind myself of them as unreachable experiences.

So what do you all think? Which of these am I?

1) Lonely
2) Lazy
3) Self-Pitiful
4) Whiner
5) Late-Bloomer
6) Hopeless
7) Two or more
8) All of the above

P. S.

I wanted to ask this on another thread, but I might as well ask about it now. For you members that are in a relationship, are you aware of the people that surround you? I doubt it’ll happen, but if I get myself someone, I would strictly prohibit public affection, because I would know that there are people out there that feel like me and would make them a favor by preventing them from feeling negative about themselves. Or, do you simply just don’t give a sh*t?

My choice is 7, two or more. I think you are lonely (1) and a late-bloomer (5). I am the last person to give advice to anyone but I can support them. You made a big step by detailing what is bothering you. It's never good to keep it inside.

Do you have any pets? Maybe a dog would be a help, they are great and loyal friends and you could take your cute pooch to the park and possibly meet other folks that way too. From being on a pen pal site, I know there are some folks that like snail mail letters, and are just looking for friends, of course there are others hoping friendship that could lead to something more. It would be more interaction with people and you might enjoy learning something about other cultures and far away places. The problem with me is that when I'm very depressed, which is 99 percent of the time, I really don't feel like looking at the site and trying.

Have you ever been diagnosed by a doc and given meds for depression, anxiety or anything like that? Meds can be a help for some. It's really tough trying to find a way to make things better, not just for you but for many of us. It's a common frustration, I have it and I know others here feel that way as well. Have you thought about going back to school at all, possibly a trade school? Focusing on something you have a genuine interest is the important part. Are you good with computers?

I agree with Beyondshy, I think you are lonely and a late bloomer. And you seem depressed too, that can suck ones energy away. I certainly don't think you are hopeless or the other things you had on your list. I hope you meet some people here and things get better for you.

Tc00

My family and I live in an apartment, plus my mom doesn’t want a pet for the moment. I already have another site on mind where I could make online buddies, but I want to give this site a few more chances, before I decide if I should leave it nor not.

My mom once took me to a homeopathic doctor and he diagnosed me with more things other than depression. After reading how homeopathy works, I didn’t even bother taking the “medicine” and I haven’t gotten any other help since. I guess accepting the fact that your son is a failure is cheaper than trying to correct it. Failure… that should have been an option. No, I am NOT going back to school, out of all places that I’ve been in, that’s the one that has made me the saddest, I always returned hope crying inside and a little bit publically. Besides, I couldn’t even finish pre-basic math, guess that answers your question about computers.

I too hope I end up being a late-bloomer, but who knows what the future has for me, it could end up being another vain hope of mine.

AnonymousMe said:

Tc00

My family and I live in an apartment, plus my mom doesn’t want a pet for the moment. I already have another site on mind where I could make online buddies, but I want to give this site a few more chances, before I decide if I should leave it nor not.

My mom once took me to a homeopathic doctor and he diagnosed me with more things other than depression. After reading how homeopathy works, I didn’t even bother taking the “medicine” and I haven’t gotten any other help since. I guess accepting the fact that your son is a failure is cheaper than trying to correct it. Failure… that should have been an option. No, I am NOT going back to school, out of all places that I’ve been in, that’s the one that has made me the saddest, I always returned hope crying inside and a little bit publically. Besides, I couldn’t even finish pre-basic math, guess that answers your question about computers.

I too hope I end up being a late-bloomer, but who knows what the future has for me, it could end up being another vain hope of mine.

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Hi, I didn't mean leave this site, I was thinking in addition to it. As far as computers, I was thinking more from the standpoint of if you had a talent for fixing things. School can be a terrible experience for kids, I absolutely hated school, tried every way I could to get out of going too. We moved a lot and I was always the new kid. Some teachers have always been a little weird and sadistic, singling out kids and picking on them. I seemed to get that type, so it's no wonder I didn't care for school. I did go on to college though, and I found it better. These days I don't know that I'd even recommend college for kids unless they are going for one specific thing. There are other roads besides college. If ya can find something you have a real interest in, it makes learning and working much easier.

Homeopathic medicine does work for some people. But just like with antidepressants and other mental health drugs, they only work on some and it varying how much benefit a person will get from it. I've tried about everything, with regard to meds/herbs and the homeopathic meds. I think ya should have tried what he prescribed, they may have helped your mood, helped you to feel better. That's just my opinion, but I think people have to give everything a chance, that might help.

Too bad you can't have a pet where you are, they show ya they care even when no one else does. Well I wish ya the best. Do the best you can everyday, that's all any of us can do.

I can’t accept the fact that I’m currently living this way and I can’t accept the fact that I don’t have enough strength to change it either.

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That is a powerful thought, AnonymousMe, that I can definitely relate to. In a way pretty much summarizes the exact "dilemma" I am in as well. The only thing I would change is that I have, over time, learned to accept my situation even though it isn't my "dream situation". Just like you, even if I knew what I wanted my "dream situation" to be, I feel I don't have the strength to get there...

Even something simple like getting a part-time job. I feel that could help me greatly, I just feel so incapable of even going out and handing out resumes. Even when I manage to hand out a couple, I pray with all my heart sometimes that they won't call back because I don't know if I could handle a job, sadly.

Anyways, less about me, more about what you've shared...

I could take your original post piece-by-piece and relate it to my life and comment on things, but in the end you are asking for what descriptors match who you are. It may not be as simple as placing a word on who you are though, but sometimes that can help us. Like for me, I didn't necessarily label myself as lonely, but I did think I was definitely an introvert. Sometimes taking a more negative label and spinning something more positive out of it can be extremely helpful. I would encourage you to try and thrive in the situation you are in. Have a definite and strong hope that things will get better, but for the moment, just enjoy your life the way it is. You even went so far as to tell us some of the things you do each day. To me, it sounds like a fun, pleasant, enjoyable life. Who gets to hang out with their grandmother 4/5 times a week? Man, I think that's awesome, she might even have a lot of cool things to say that might help you!

Based on the 6 words you gave us, I would say that you are most likely a:
5) Late-Bloomer,
but of course I'm sure there's a mix of all of those words in there as well. I mean, in the end, probably every person feels a little bit of all of those words. I don't think I know you well enough to place any of those other more negative words. Most especially, you are definitely not hopeless. Just try to have a little more confidence that you are someone worth getting to know, even if you aren't necessarily meeting a lot of people. Everyone has a story to tell, everyone is awesome in their own way, you are no different. It might take time for you to believe that and to come into your own, or it might happen sooner than you think if you start thinking in a more positive direction.

You don't seem like a whiner to me. When life gets tough, it's natural to want an outlet to express our frustration. To me that's not whining.

Self-pitiful - Perhaps you are pitying yourself, but there are worse things in the world and everyone does this so there's no need to worry.

Lazy - This is something I would have a hard time answering because I don't think it's always so simple as labeling someone as lazy just because they aren't functioning exactly the same as "everyone else". Maybe you just need to work some things out first and then you will be ready to move on with life.

Lonely - Seems like you have your parents, your grandmother, a family around you.. It can't be that bad. Try spending some time with your parents if you get along with them, or try to get along with them. Me personally, I spend a lot of time just going out with my parents and it's actually enjoyable. This could be a nice cure for loneliness. You don't always have to think about society's expectations of having lots of friends and a girlfriend, etc.. Maybe that will come with time, don't want it so bad that you make yourself sick. Embrace what you have, because you are blessed. You have family, a nice warm bed, etc.. Things could be worse. I apologize if I am being insensitive to your situation though since I'm only going on what you've told us.

It helps to know where this is coming from: I'm a 24 year-old male who has gone through and continues to go through some of the same things, and I've shared with you some of the things that worked for me. Feel free to PM me or email me if you want (email is best if you want a reply).

My question is, QuesT, why don't you have a job?

EDIT: So it turns out I somehow got the name wrong... Why don't you have a job, AnonymousMe?

Personally, I'd rather use a category of my own, if I may, you seem like a person who is just not satisfied with their current life, and you kind of seem to underestimate or not appreciate your self or current state. Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with you, but you're just lacking a goal...a purpose in life. I can relate, but you should try finding something to achieve or perhaps find something you're interested in and you can perhaps find others who like it as well. Also, you seem to really want a girlfriend and I'm pretty sure you'll find one when you least expect or put effort in it. Also, if you need a friend, add me (I don't how the buddy system works. :S). Cheers!
.

AnonymousMe, where is your motivation? You were certainly motivated enough to type out your miserable life, but are you really wanting to change it around?

Learn to drive. Driving is a wonderful experience because even a 10 mile drive will make you feel better than stuck in at home feeling sorry for yourself. Or, go for a nice long walk round the park. Exercise, even a gentle walk will generate feel-good endorphines. But are you willing to give it a try? While learning to drive will take time to study up the highway rules and road craft, driving leassons will cost you, but after months and your passing and getting your driver's licence, it's all going to work in your favour.

But you have to start earning money. It's good you already help your Dad out and have some payment for it. Why don't you look further afield and find work in accountancy, for example which is what I do for the family business, or get extra work in bookkeeping. Money in pocket at the end of the week ultimately is your reward. But you won't do it sitting on your arse.

I'm younger than you. I got 4 kids (two boys and two girls) of my own, and I adopt a brilliant young 12 year old..... but somehow I manage to muddle through wretched days dealing with chronic fatigue syndrome and body pain. But I need to get out even if it's into the garden. Do some weeding, sew a packet of seeds, grow some taters in a tub and tomatoes in the greenhouse. Taking an hour at a time if need be. But even if I feel dog tired I have to feed my kids because they can't do it for themselves. For a Mum that is my motivation and I will never be called lazy.

I'd hate to think you're whining. It does appear you're being lazy, though - you did ask - but honestly, I don't think you're a hopeless case. Nobody is hopeless providing they have the will to do something about it and carry on.

So in a week's time from now, I'm going to come back to your thread here and read and smile you'll have begun making an effort. Alright? Deal? Cuz it had better not be No Deal or I'll go to my mouse shed and bring my garden weed incinerating wand out. Fire eating dragons ain't got nuttin' on my flame torch that's for sure!

~Anna Mouse

7... Lonely and Lazy.

It's good you have a routine for yourself instead of just staying in bed all day or staying at the computer all day (I had done this one for a while). But I think you lack some ambition to change your life, to go to school, to get a job, etc... And I understand because when you're depressed and feeling down, you talk yourself out of that or just don't have the will to do it.

So I can't call you totally lazy. At least you do some things during the day. Your next step is to do USEFUL things towards bettering your life...go back to school, get a job... At least your parents seem supportive since they haven't abandoned you. You should get your education while they are still around. It's only going to get harder as time goes on.

Lei, I think you might have misread my post, staying in bed all day and staying at the computer all day is what I do ALL day and EVERY day. Just wanted to point that out.

Mouse, don’t you think that making an effort to better my life in one week, just ONE week, is a bit… unrealistic? I’ve been like this since 2012. It’s just what I think.

Anyway, thanks for all the replies. I was going to answer to each and every one of you, but I decided instead to make a summarized essay, to answer you all.

Don’t get me wrong people; I DO want to get a job, even if it’s a small one, but I definitely can’t get one on my own, because, like I said before, I still depend on my parents. If I went to a job interview alone, it would be a complete disaster, it would be like jumping into a giant pool excitingly, then realizing that there’s no water in it. Also, my parents aren’t helping me to find a job, their reason is because “I’m not prepared to face the world.” That’s mainly the reason my dad wants me to work with him, to slowly "help get a basic knowledge about how life works." I’ve plead them many times, but I haven’t bothered asking them again. At least my mom isn’t fully disappointed with me, she tries to encourage me by saying that some people just take a bit more time to mature.

I think I should also add this: My painful feelings in College didn’t start after a realization. Let me explain, ever since I was 8-years-old, I was diagnosed with Renal Insufficiency and because of that, I had to stay at home as much as possible, in case an emergency happens and rush me to the hospital. I guess getting a part time job in your teen years is a normal thing, but I didn’t experience such thing, it was mandatory to always stay in my house. In 2011, my sickness got to the point of being mortal and had to be operated with a kidney transplant, which was very successful, but I wish they had not done it. Growing up, I had always thought that my sickness was holding me back from showing my full potential, thinking I could be doing better at school and socially, etc. When I returned to school, feeling 100% healthy for the first time in my life, I was excited to see how smart and social I truly was, yet things remained the same. Sick or not, I realized that I was just a very dumb person, all my confidence went down the drain, along with my dreams after dropping College. I always wanted to be a Librarian, but any type of job will do now, what would be the point of having a job with a large income if you can’t share it with anybody? Pretty pointless if you ask me.

It’s very hard to find happiness in the situation I am, especially when the rest of the family are being more successful than me. I barely hang out with my family and I usually don’t want to, because, like I said, I don’t want people to know how I am. Not to mention, I can’t tolerate seeing how they’re vastly superior to me. Everyone have either settled or are about to, all of them have earned their paychecks, wheels, roofs and d*cks / p*ssies… Ivan, being a bit less chubby and smaller than me has had some mild success in his life with his immaturely mature personality. Charlie, albeit to have dealt with an unwanted pregnancy, at least has a reason to return tired from his job. Ruben, despite being very overweight, he’s a musician teacher, earns a decent amount of money and has a hot-tempered wife. Rene, being the energetic and nocturnal animal that he is, it’s no surprise that he can get all the friends and girls he wants. Marcus, always the ever-charming guy, mesmerizing everybody around him with his adorable face and toned body. Domingo, a thin doctor, already rich, stands proudly as the most acclaimed member of the family and has the most beautiful girlfriend imaginable. You all have no idea how much I abhor him, I swear, if I had enough money to hire mercenaries, I would request them to bring me Domingo’s head inside a jar. Me? XD I’m still stuck in a mud-hole and although I no longer have tolerance for my family, I don’t want to drag them along with me.

The score so far… 3 of you say that I’m lonely, 2 say that I’m lazy and 3 say that I’m a late bloomer… Well, I appreciate your analyses, keeps me a bit more hopeful for my uncertain future. =) Wish me luck! I’m AM going to need it.

AnonymousMe said:

Mouse, don’t you think that making an effort to better my life in one week, just ONE week, is a bit… unrealistic? I’ve been like this since 2012. It’s just what I think.

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No, I don't think one week is 'unrealistic' at all. Get your hat and coat on, grab a stick and go for a walk. At least the exercise will set the ball rolling, and the legs walkin': all the way down to the bookshop to buy that all-essential Learning to Drive.

Cheap at on £1.98


Oh, and I changed my opinion on your categories.

7. ... Lazy.

4. Whiner.

I've not heard much about you before AnonymousMe. Even though you are still anonymous, it takes a lot of courage to let this all out here.. maybe this is a good first step toward improvement, then?

I can't see where you get the idea that you're dumb. Your grammar is great, and that means a lot already. You may lack social experiences because you didn't get to go out and interact with people growing up, right? That knowledge can be gained quite easily too, just go out. Or, continue to do what you're doing here online and chat with people and trust them a little and see where it takes you.

It sounds like you're making excuses and putting yourself down so that you wouldn't have to go out. Can't get an interview on your own? Why not? Why do you need your parents with you? It could be social anxiety. It's not like a company is going to screw you over since you can easily just quit anytime you want when you sense that they're cheating you or you feel it's not a place you would want to work. This is called experience.

I worked for the first time in my life the summer after High School, worked for only a year before volunteering away from home for couple of years. When I came back I couldn't find a job for months. Went to college for some courses but didn't finish. Got into a relationship with someone from the internet and moved out. Had more months of unemployment before working somewhere for 3 years, left that place and became unemployed for a few more months. Became single and found the job I have currently. That was a year and half ago.

Life isn't easy, but life also isn't impossible.

Regumika said:

Became single and found the job I have currently. That was a year and half ago.

Life isn't easy, but life also isn't impossible.

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Just out of curiosity, what is your current job?

AnonymousMe said:

Regumika said:

Became single and found the job I have currently. That was a year and half ago.

Life isn't easy, but life also isn't impossible.

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Just out of curiosity, what is your current job?

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I studied some accounting in college, didn't finish. I do a special kind of data entry with chemists, nothing to do with accounting.