To all the lonely people out there.

Hello everyone.

First of all, a summary. This is a post which aims to help you broaden your views on loneliness, and directly or indirectly overcome it. This is also, a discussion post, your opinion, as well aseveryone's opinion, no matter how different or opposing is appreciated and welcome, as long as you respect the opinions of others.

Right, so, to start with, loneliness is absolutely normal today, at any intensity and situation. It's a feeling, a function of your body and brain, don't feel bad or unnatural for being lonely!

Loneliness is a Survival mechanism. It's your primal brain configuration telling you that you need more people close to you. However, today, you don't really need people close to you to survive. In fact, having people close to you may burden a greater hazard, especially when you depend on their company. Not all people are to be trusted, but you cannot know who you can trust. You can only know who you can't trust and you only find that out when it's too late.

So, loneliness is a thing about you, it only shows that you
either just have yet to find people compatiblewith you, or that you need a companionship so close that it's just not possible to find today. Again, all people with all traces, famous,rich, poor, black, white are all worth the same. We are all but a bag of organs placed in a skeleton of bones and wrapped in flesh.

As an alternative, if it is hard to not be lonely, try getting used to i, embracing it. Loneliness may be a result of something you can't change or do something about. It is better to be lonely, rather than to chase others for a friendship, which only you contribute to.

Be proud. A healthy dose of narrow minded ego makes wonders in this case. Loneliness also has its advantages. You can't argue and stop being friends with someone and be hurt by that If you don't depend on anyone's friendship. People who were never lonely will have a harder time when that happens. Also, you have peace and tranquility when alone, try to appreciate that.

Right, that is all from me. Really looking forward to getting feedback with your opinions.

Cheers!

Well I've just escaped a ten year marriage to someone who made me as lonely as hell, so all the people here bemoaning the lack of a significant other in their lives should be careful what they wish for...

I'm alone now but not lonely at all - in fact today I walked along the seafront again staring into the North Sea without a care in the world and it feels amazing.

h3donist said:

Well I've just escaped a ten year marriage to someone who made me as lonely as hell, so all the people here bemoaning the lack of a significant other in their lives should be careful what they wish for...

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Yeh, I always think I am lonely then I spend some time with people and find out they make me more.

I do wonder if society has just exaggerated what it is to be with friends to a point almost everyone finds themselves thinking they are missing something but, if we were around at a different time in the world, the number of other of us that we would interact with would be much less. Kind of a case of the more you have... the more you want.

I think in the US most laws and civics are meant to protect the individual, not the couple... one reason I object to the free bees and societal pushing of couples. You could argue with the insane amount of resources that go to domestic violence couples should be discouraged. Not encouraged.

I used to think that the fact that animals stuck together pointed to us doing that but animals are fundamentally different. When they protect each other, they protect each other. When they are in a pack, they take care of their pack. Humans seem to want to attack their pack and when their pack comes under attack they will help out only if they feel like it.

Yes, sometimes being with people is lonelier than being alone. It all depends on who you are with and if you can be yourself with them and if they accept you as you are. I find that so much social interaction involves putting on a front, smiling to hide the loneliness and the despair inside. It is rare to find someone you can let your guard down with. But loneliness is so painful that I can't give up trying.

Tiina63 said:

Yes, sometimes being with people is lonelier than being alone. It all depends on who you are with and if you can be yourself with them and if they accept you as you are. I find that so much social interaction involves putting on a front, smiling to hide the loneliness and the despair inside. It is rare to find someone you can let your guard down with. But loneliness is so painful that I can't give up trying.

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You don't need to give up trying! I'm sorry that you are feeling painfully lonely. If you need support or just a friend, don't hesitate to pm me!
So, people are indeed not to be trusted, but you can still try and find someone you can trust. I just don't think it's a good idea to depend on them, unless you really feel like you can.

Tiina63 said:

Yes, sometimes being with people is lonelier than being alone. It all depends on who you are with and if you can be yourself with them and if they accept you as you are. I find that so much social interaction involves putting on a front, smiling to hide the loneliness and the despair inside. It is rare to find someone you can let your guard down with. But loneliness is so painful that I can't give up trying.

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I agree with this. I've had friends and family complain about my bad mood and then run for the hills when I explained what was affecting me. Honestly, I've done it myself. It's a bad cycle -- trying to put up a front and deal with everything yourself makes you unable to open up to others and leaves you unable to listen, too.

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h3donist said:

Well I've just escaped a ten year marriage to someone who made me as lonely as hell, so all the people here bemoaning the lack of a significant other in their lives should be careful what they wish for...

I'm alone now but not lonely at all - in fact today I walked along the seafront again staring into the North Sea without a care in the world and it feels amazing.

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I have to say, I still want a healthy positive relationship with a significant other. But I'm really glad for you and that you are focused on making yourself happy. The seafront must be beautiful.

Mr. M said:

However, today, you don't really need people close to you to survive.

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Mr. M said:

Loneliness also has its advantages.

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Mr. M said:

Also, you have peace and tranquility when alone, try to appreciate that.

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What the hell?? Are you drunk?

BeyondShy said:

Mr. M said:

However, today, you don't really need people close to you to survive.

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Mr. M said:

Loneliness also has its advantages.

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Mr. M said:

Also, you have peace and tranquility when alone, try to appreciate that.

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What the hell?? Are you drunk?

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"as long as you respect the opinions of others."

Being alone has significant practical disadvantages. When you need to do something that requires two or more people, which can be something as simple as moving a sofa, you can't do it because you're alone. Overall, however, there is much to be said for freedom from entanglements, compromise and impingement on your time that comes with being alone.

mickey said:

Being alone has significant practical disadvantages. When you need to do something that requires two or more people, which can be something as simple as moving a sofa, you can't do it because you're alone. Overall, however, there is much to be said for freedom from entanglements, compromise and impingement on your time that comes with being alone.

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Agreed! I think it also depends on if one is going for complete social isolation or just decides not to try and make super close friends.

Mr. M said:

mickey said:

Being alone has significant practical disadvantages. When you need to do something that requires two or more people, which can be something as simple as moving a sofa, you can't do it because you're alone. Overall, however, there is much to be said for freedom from entanglements, compromise and impingement on your time that comes with being alone.

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Agreed! I think it also depends on if one is going for complete social isolation or just decides not to try and make super close friends.

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Very close and intense friendships are deeply fulfilling, but don't always mean a person can get help when they need it. I've had close, intense friendships, and my friends and I have rarely had the resources to help each other when we needed it.

mickey said:

Mr. M said:

mickey said:

Being alone has significant practical disadvantages. When you need to do something that requires two or more people, which can be something as simple as moving a sofa, you can't do it because you're alone. Overall, however, there is much to be said for freedom from entanglements, compromise and impingement on your time that comes with being alone.

Click to expand...

Agreed! I think it also depends on if one is going for complete social isolation or just decides not to try and make super close friends.

Click to expand...

Very close and intense friendships are deeply fulfilling, but don't always mean a person can get help when they need it. I've had close, intense friendships, and my friends and I have rarely had the resources to help each other when we needed it.

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True, although I'm saying that I think that a lonely person can still get help or get in entanglements from common social contacts, a neighbour, a colleague.

Of course, less easily if lonely.

I disagree. There is feeling alone and feeling lonely. This forum is not focusing on 'alone', but 'lonely', which has a more negative connotation. To me, lonely means wanting the company of others, yet not being able to feel connected to them, even in that same company. Lonely borders on feeling unloved. It's like a yearning, a sadness which is strong enough to let us know it doesn't sit well with us, so we must take some sort of action. I know there is pressure to run away from this feeling, and its very understandable. The positives listed here though, deal with the advantages of 'aloneness'. But for me, the disadvantages far outweigh the positives, and I talk as someone who has spent the majority of their adult life alone. For example, society is built to support and tends to judge those not part of a family group. Try asking for one cinema ticket or one meal - you WILL be asked at one point, is that JUST for one? I look around at some of the family groups growing up today and sigh relief of having avoided that undisciplined hell. Perhaps being happy and alone means feeling ok with oneself, too. I'm not ok, and denying that only serves to detract from my experience. This is my first post. I'm hoping this forum is a place to explore that experience, and not pretend that all is well.

Blondeblue73 said:

I disagree. There is feeling alone and feeling lonely. This forum is not focusing on 'alone', but 'lonely', which has a more negative connotation. To me, lonely means wanting the company of others, yet not being able to feel connected to them, even in that same company. Lonely borders on feeling unloved. It's like a yearning, a sadness which is strong enough to let us know it doesn't sit well with us, so we must take some sort of action. I know there is pressure to run away from this feeling, and its very understandable. The positives listed here though, deal with the advantages of 'aloneness'. But for me, the disadvantages far outweigh the positives, and I talk as someone who has spent the majority of their adult life alone. For example, society is built to support and tends to judge those not part of a family group. Try asking for one cinema ticket or one meal - you WILL be asked at one point, is that JUST for one? I look around at some of the family groups growing up today and sigh relief of having avoided that undisciplined hell. Perhaps being happy and alone means feeling ok with oneself, too. I'm not ok, and denying that only serves to detract from my experience. This is my first post. I'm hoping this forum is a place to explore that experience, and not pretend that all is well.

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Understandable. Indeed my views do focus on the physical absence of other human beings mostly, and maybe lack the focus on the emotional or sentimental factor.

Welcome to the Forums, may you find new friends here and may your choice of joining the forum aid you in your battle against loneliness.

If you need a friend, or someone to just let it all out or perhaps ask for advice or maybe just some support, a pair of ears at your service, feel free to message me!

Cheers!