Do You Ever Think About People You've Met or Dated in the Past?

I feel like I've been doing this a lot lately. Maybe because I'm getting older and have a lot of history floating around in my memory. I sometimes think about men I've met and known only briefly and wonder what happened to them. And, worse, I wonder if they are thinking about me.
I'm not comfortable with dwelling on the past but I can't seem to help it lately. Maybe I just need to get a more interesting life here and now. Any suggestions?

-Teresa

SofiasMami said:

I feel like I've been doing this a lot lately. Maybe because I'm getting older and have a lot of history floating around in my memory. I sometimes think about men I've met and known only briefly and wonder what happened to them. And, worse, I wonder if they are thinking about me.
I'm not comfortable with dwelling on the past but I can't seem to help it lately. Maybe I just need to get a more interesting life here and now. Any suggestions?

-Teresa

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I think you've hit the nail on the head, make your life more interesting and you won't be thinking so much about the past.

To answer your question. The women I have dated - I think either 'what a waste of time or thank god it didn't last.

Women I have known and wanted to date / had a crush on etc. I don't think too much about them. I don't wish they were interested. They just weren't.

I also regularly think about ex-partners but also about the ones I did not get to know as well as I would have liked

I think about them in different ways, to learn from the experiences but also from a nostalgic point of view. I guess it isnt all that bad of a thing to do eventually as 'the data' still has a lot of value, or can have atleast. It also doesnt strike me as something I'm doing now I'm getting older, I always did so allready. From a psychological point of view it also isnt that strange as we (our psyche/identity) basicly are the sum of our experiences/memories and while we are more than just the memories obviously our psyche at the time made those memories to what they are to us today. So to me, to go back to lovers gone, from time to time, is a valuable tool but it doesnt stop there as I also use past experiences with friends and acquaintances to analyse.

And ofcourse some memories are somewhat painful but we just cant escape our own humanity, such a small price for such a wealth of 'data'

Triple Bogey said:

SofiasMami said:

I feel like I've been doing this a lot lately. Maybe because I'm getting older and have a lot of history floating around in my memory. I sometimes think about men I've met and known only briefly and wonder what happened to them. And, worse, I wonder if they are thinking about me.
I'm not comfortable with dwelling on the past but I can't seem to help it lately. Maybe I just need to get a more interesting life here and now. Any suggestions?

-Teresa

Click to expand...

I think you've hit the nail on the head, make your life more interesting and you won't be thinking so much about the past.

To answer your question. The women I have dated - I think either 'what a waste of time or thank god it didn't last.

Women I have known and wanted to date / had a crush on etc. I don't think too much about them. I don't wish they were interested. They just weren't.

Click to expand...

Yes, I definitely need to take up some new hobbies. Maybe it's time to learn the guitar or take up photography

I dislike dwelling on the past, I've always thought it a waste of time. My experiences have molded me but I'd rather live in the present.

I knew I was in trouble when I saw U2 on a show yesterday promoting their tour and started thinking about how awesome The Joshua Tree was and what 1987 was like (when it was released) and then about Sunday Bloody Sunday, which goes back even farther... I've fallen down a rabbit hole into the past and need a tall ladder to get out!

-Teresa

You know what I think of? The girls I never said hi to. The girls that I never told how I felt about them. Those are regrets that I will always have.

All of the few that exist seem to like messaging me every so often so yeah.

Not really. I had an ex message me some time ago, but because I knew his intentions weren't pure, I shut that down real quick. I don't really believe in being and remaining friends with an ex. So, the ex and those who I previously liked are basically not thought about.

They cross my mind. Do I miss them? About as much as I miss attempted rape, the inability to communicate with each other, and lies.

I know what you mean Teresa. Some days you just seem to be incessantly reminded of their existence and the things that have happened before, both good and bad. Life has a way of bringing these people up too, I find.

Distractions with hobbies or things to do would be good. I guess? As for me, talking about it with someone trusted helps, and then just doing things to take my mind off of it. As for me, I'm at a point in my life where these things and my past are of no huge concern anymore. They bother me still at times, yes.. but I won't be devastated about them again.

SofiasMami said:

Triple Bogey said:

SofiasMami said:

I feel like I've been doing this a lot lately. Maybe because I'm getting older and have a lot of history floating around in my memory. I sometimes think about men I've met and known only briefly and wonder what happened to them. And, worse, I wonder if they are thinking about me.
I'm not comfortable with dwelling on the past but I can't seem to help it lately. Maybe I just need to get a more interesting life here and now. Any suggestions?

-Teresa

Click to expand...

I think you've hit the nail on the head, make your life more interesting and you won't be thinking so much about the past.

To answer your question. The women I have dated - I think either 'what a waste of time or thank god it didn't last.

Women I have known and wanted to date / had a crush on etc. I don't think too much about them. I don't wish they were interested. They just weren't.

Click to expand...

Yes, I definitely need to take up some new hobbies. Maybe it's time to learn the guitar or take up photography

I dislike dwelling on the past, I've always thought it a waste of time. My experiences have molded me but I'd rather live in the present.

I knew I was in trouble when I saw U2 on a show yesterday promoting their tour and started thinking about how awesome The Joshua Tree was and what 1987 was like (when it was released) and then about Sunday Bloody Sunday, which goes back even farther... I've fallen down a rabbit hole into the past and need a tall ladder to get out!

-Teresa

Click to expand...

Photography is a great hobby. It's gets you out and about and going to places you wouldn't normally go to.

U2 are my favourite band !
I know what you mean, 1987 was a great year for music !

Usually I make an effort not to think about them, but these days apparently whenever I lay down to sleep my brain feels the need to produce a parade of all the people who wronged me, so I had a lot of exes' thoughts lately

Just had a call from one waking me up this morning. See... I told you they don't leave me alone.

kamya said:

Just had a call from one waking me up this morning. See... I told you they don't leave me alone.

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eheh, you must be too good to leave behind

Peaches said:

kamya said:

Just had a call from one waking me up this morning. See... I told you they don't leave me alone.

Click to expand...

eheh, you must be too good to leave behind

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I wish. I think they just like to check up on me to make sure I'm still the loser they thought I was. :O I have another one that always wants me to join her and her new boyfriend in playing video games. I dunno. I usually try to stick to the no contact rule for at least a good while, but they always want to keep in touch.

They may want to, but I don't believe that people should get everything they want in life.

kamya said:

Peaches said:

kamya said:

Just had a call from one waking me up this morning. See... I told you they don't leave me alone.

Click to expand...

eheh, you must be too good to leave behind

Click to expand...

I wish. I think they just like to check up on me to make sure I'm still the loser they thought I was. :O I have another one that always wants me to join her and her new boyfriend in playing video games. I dunno. I usually try to stick to the no contact rule for at least a good while, but they always want to keep in touch.

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If that's the only reason for them contacting you still, then screw them. You know better and deserve better than that, kamya.

VanillaCreme said:

They may want to, but I don't believe that people should get everything they want in life.

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True that.

Every day for the last 4+ years.

So many interesting responses
I've always thought that dwelling on the past is a fool's errand. I'm sure I've been doing it a lot lately because I'm in a bit of a rut. I told a coworker this and he suggested getting a creative hobby, which I thought was great advice. I just need to pick something and do it! Maybe I'll learn Spanish

-Teresa

There's a reason why you keep thinking about these people. Until you figure out what that is and come to terms with it, you will continue to dwell on these memories.

I think about the ones I wish I could have dated all the time, and how I wish there was some way I could have shown them how good we could have been together. I think about the conversations we could have had and the ones we did have, all the things we could have shared...if only I could have shown them. If only I had myself together in time, if only I wasn't still believing my past stories that got in the way, the ones I learned as a child that said I couldn't do anything well, that I wasn't good enough for anything. Thinking about these girls still hurts just as much now as it did then. Most days, I just sit and think and think, trying to figure out what I was missing and where I went wrong. I keep waiting and hoping our paths will cross again....maybe some day they'll come back my way and things will change.