People have no depth nowadays

I think partly the reason why I can't make friends is that people have no depth of character.

Today, I screwed up with one girl. Met her off okcupid but it was no real loss in reality. We got talking on 5th May. Heavy flirting and we connected so well. Never connected like that with a person before. We spoke for four hours straight that night and she messaged me and we flirted through other days. She said I was really hot and she fancied me. She said she wanted to see me and we agreed to meet.

I was quiet that day a little more tired then my usual self because I was busy doing work for my university dissertation which I only just now finished. I asked her at the end of the night how you felt about me she said she wasn't looking for a relationship but she found me hot and fancied me. A week later I asked her again as things didn't seem too right we stopped talking how we used to etc and she said she didn't fancy me and that's what she was trying to hint at that night.

So, when you first meet someone do you tell them that they are making you horny when sitting in a car? Do you say all that stuff about fancying someone? Then she started switching it on me about how I'm looking for a girlfriend and shes not looking for a relationship. (why is she on okcupid looking for one?). To cut a longer story short. Today we said lets go our separate ways. To be honest I did fancy her but she was doing my head in. I realise why I just go for casual sex now :club:

To add to this so many people I talk to in the UK, I find it impossible to have friendships with. They are materialistic and unaware of the world around they just bore me. Does anyone feel the same? I find very few people who have amazing depth of character! I have like two friends and it fricken sucks. I try to keep myself busy. I'mm not sure if this is just a UK problem. I find people more approachable in Belgium when I am there but I haven't settled there yet to know if this is really the case

Hope it's worded correctly. I typed this from my iPad. Hate using it for loadsa typing!

matt4 said:

They are materialistic and unaware of the world around they just bore me. Does anyone feel the same? I find very few people who have amazing depth of character!

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All my friends in real life (where I am) are like this except for one who's my best friend, but even so I can't be entirely myself with her. There just isn't that deep connection anymore. I have found a few people on this forum I can connect with more than anyone I know in my real life. So I'm not sure if it's just a problem in the UK, I think it's worldwide. It's just people in this day and age.

matt4 said:

I have like two friends and it fricken sucks.

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I'd rather have two trusted friends than none I can connect with at all.

Good luck though, maybe you can find people you can connect with on here who's closer to you in location.

Yea, I get you. Why is it we can't be entirely ourselves around others? I think to have that deep conneection you have to see someone quite frequently?

It's a shame my two friends are quite a distance away so I don't see theme often at all. I connect with them a lot and they've show me kindess and depth of character! More then just watching big brother, or celebrity programmes and thinking your a loser if you don't.

Yes, I'd rather have two but they are busy obviously I don't connect with them everyday. They have boyfriends and work. So, it leaves me alone a lot. I don't go out unless its to meet a person from my distance university (made so few connections there due to it being distance). Only like one who I am seeing on Wednesday. I try and make connections like this one on okcupid and urgh. It ends up being messy. She was a muckaround.

Just gotta keep trying I suppose.

matt4 said:

Why is it we can't be entirely ourselves around others?

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I think we can. Because that doesn't depend on the other person; That depends on us.

VanillaCreme said:

matt4 said:

Why is it we can't be entirely ourselves around others?

Click to expand...

I think we can. Because that doesn't depend on the other person; That depends on us.

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True that.

Most people aren't really interacting with the world or the people around them, just expressing their personal demons, trying to fill a void, etc. In addition to no chemistry, that's why many come and go suddenly--they realize they aren't getting that itch scratched.

Meeting people who want good company first and foremost and who'll keep an open mind is all luck. There's no magic self-improvement or location to go to, and honestly I never hated myself and the world around me more than when people kept telling me I hadn't improved myself or searched enough to deserve the basic kindness of not being a means to an end. As if being forgotten in favor of flashier options wasn't enough. These days people have to protect themselves even from the advice-givers.

Finding a couple people who want companionship and not money, sex, validation, free work, free therapy, or anything else has been a relief. They're out there and they feel the same way, but you might have to sift through hundreds of people too focused on finding someone to "fix them" or "entertain them" to be capable of anything genuine.

I think I'm guilty of many of those things you mentioned above inside though I do seek real companionship. Someone to hang out with. Go to parks/restaurants with. However, I also refuse to be just another person. Yes, I'm another human being but I'm an individual. I've had someone just yesterday tell me I'm just another guy they talk to (when we were supposed to be in a friendship) we ended our friendship last night.

I find that having and maintaining a good friendship requires a fair amount of social intelligence which so many lack. Many people now are selfish, driven by money and material wants. Moving to flashier options are what the eyes desire not what the heart and soul needs. My two friends, they are are focused on companionship. I've known them for years and I think I've read them well.

However, I also had a friend I knew for years who was not mature to hold down a friendship (never admitting she was wrong about anything) we knew each other since teenage days. I had to wave goodbye to her too this week as it became unbareable. I don't mind people making mistakes and admitting they were wrong, even a year or so down the line. But she had three years and although I apologised for what I had done she never would. Then said our friendship amounted to nothing anymore because we argue. She argues more with her boyfriend. In fact we had been in and out of contact since 2012. He doesn't like her speaking to other guys, has a GBH conviction, deals drugs and shes always ready to forgive him. Yet, turn and complain to me.

But yes, sounds like she wanted me to "fix her" without any notion of friendship, companionship too.

That's the last she will ever be hearing from me.

It's actually alarming how many people out there are looking for a quick fix in terms of friendship and dating.

matt4 said:

I think partly the reason why I can't make friends is that people have no depth of character.

To add to this so many people I talk to in the UK, I find it impossible to have friendships with. They are materialistic and unaware of the world around they just bore me. Does anyone feel the same? I find very few people who have amazing depth of character! I have like two friends and it fricken sucks. I try to keep myself busy. I'mm not sure if this is just a UK problem. I find people more approachable in Belgium when I am there but I haven't settled there yet to know if this is really the case

Hope it's worded correctly. I typed this from my iPad. Hate using it for loadsa typing!

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I feel exactly the same. people are pressured into not having depth of character or anything really.
Here in the UK, people are just the same card over and over again.
Nobody is focused anymore. Everybody is partying till their liver gives up on them. Men are just being violent, very aware of one thing only: Nobody thinking they're gay or treating them the way they treat women. drinking till they drop, every day on and on again. They must be very miserable on the inside.
Girls are spreading their legs and buttcheeks without discretion or thought and not even being riddled with herpes or having 28+ fatherless children would stop them cause they cannot handle reality anymore and they desire the temporary comfort in sex and booze.
Hobbies are a dying past-time. Thinking is dying out too. Being individual human beings is history now.
It sucks ass when I look at my own people and feel disdain and disgust.

I try not to indulge in this mindset too much...cause that would indicate I'm part of some incredible league of deep characters which is not the case. There's absolutely nothing to be gained by thinking this way. You still have to deal with those ominous people out there, but it's up to you how you go on about this. All you can do is stand your ground and contain your own integrity and ideals. How the others live their lives is none of my business really. And I always tell myself no company is better than bad company.

grosslonelyguy said:

matt4 said:

I think partly the reason why I can't make friends is that people have no depth of character.

To add to this so many people I talk to in the UK, I find it impossible to have friendships with. They are materialistic and unaware of the world around they just bore me. Does anyone feel the same? I find very few people who have amazing depth of character! I have like two friends and it fricken sucks. I try to keep myself busy. I'mm not sure if this is just a UK problem. I find people more approachable in Belgium when I am there but I haven't settled there yet to know if this is really the case

Hope it's worded correctly. I typed this from my iPad. Hate using it for loadsa typing!

Click to expand...

I feel exactly the same. people are pressured into not having depth of character or anything really.
Here in the UK, people are just the same card over and over again.
Nobody is focused anymore. Everybody is partying till their liver gives up on them. Men are just being violent, very aware of one thing only: Nobody thinking they're gay or treating them the way they treat women. drinking till they drop, every day on and on again. They must be very miserable on the inside.
Girls are spreading their legs and buttcheeks without discretion or thought and not even being riddled with herpes or having 28+ fatherless children would stop them cause they cannot handle reality anymore and they desire the temporary comfort in sex and booze.
Hobbies are a dying past-time. Thinking is dying out too. Being individual human beings is history now.
It sucks ass when I look at my own people and feel disdain and disgust.

Click to expand...

OK, so I'm going to go out on a limb here and say what I think about british culture as it has affected New Zealand.

When I came to New Zealand from the U.S. it was quite a shock, because there is so much pressure to here be conformist, to be the same, to not be too special, to take no risks. After being here a while I came to understand that it is due to a very strong british cultural influence. The oppression of individuality here has a name, the "Tall Poppy" syndrome. If you stand up too tall, they cut off your head! Do you have that name too?

In the U.S. everyone is always supposed to try to be special. Seems like everyone is trying to be more extreme than everyone else around them: more beautiful, more thin, more famous, more smart, etc. But I doubt that the kind of individualism being fostered in the U.S. generates any greater depth of character. Alot of it seems to amount to people saying "look at me!". Too competitive. But maybe it does create a greater opportunity for it, if one chooses to take it.

grosslonelyguy said:

matt4 said:

I think partly the reason why I can't make friends is that people have no depth of character.

To add to this so many people I talk to in the UK, I find it impossible to have friendships with. They are materialistic and unaware of the world around they just bore me. Does anyone feel the same? I find very few people who have amazing depth of character! I have like two friends and it fricken sucks. I try to keep myself busy. I'mm not sure if this is just a UK problem. I find people more approachable in Belgium when I am there but I haven't settled there yet to know if this is really the case

Hope it's worded correctly. I typed this from my iPad. Hate using it for loadsa typing!

Click to expand...

I feel exactly the same. people are pressured into not having depth of character or anything really.
Here in the UK, people are just the same card over and over again.
Nobody is focused anymore. Everybody is partying till their liver gives up on them. Men are just being violent, very aware of one thing only: Nobody thinking they're gay or treating them the way they treat women. drinking till they drop, every day on and on again. They must be very miserable on the inside.
Girls are spreading their legs and buttcheeks without discretion or thought and not even being riddled with herpes or having 28+ fatherless children would stop them cause they cannot handle reality anymore and they desire the temporary comfort in sex and booze.
Hobbies are a dying past-time. Thinking is dying out too. Being individual human beings is history now.
It sucks ass when I look at my own people and feel disdain and disgust.

Click to expand...

Yes, it seems so. Where in the UK are you if you don't mine me asking?
It's the same in London of course. Very few people of character. There are some but I think people make judgements that I'm not interested in that sort of thing. Maybe, ethnicity, dress sense, or looks.

Yep, I find myself so off British women for this reason. It's another reason why I don't have a girlfriend. I find women very attractiv at first glance but this fades away when I find out they are an airhead or have no real soul! No hobbies just go out partying all the time. Don't get me wrong I would love a night out at the bar/pub but it's just the excess and as you say nobody seems to have any hobbies in this country now. Oh apart from watching celebrity, big brother, xfactor or Britains got talent.

There is a really pretty girl at my work and we get along, but sadly shes just like this. It's all about clubbing, and not much else. I think she likes me. I do to some extent but I couldn't even consider the thought of a relationship with her as it would be like pulling teeth.

The type of girl I'd like I feel is inaccessible to me unless I can express my personality before they make a value judgement on my face. Many people may see just a mixedrace guy not interested in cultured stuff, and who has loads of hobbies this is because the women I want must have this. Most mixedrace young guys are boring as heck. They are in London. Again, once you seen on you generally seen them all but I'm not like this.

Maybe I'm stressin' too much on my appearance but something is topping me from finding interesting people even to talk to.

---

Please don't take it the way of look at this guy thinking he's got massive depth of character what a fool.

I've assessed the lack of it in others because it's something I ran into so many times. I know there are many, many things wrong with me from social awkwardness and so forth but it's something in my view affects a lot of people here. I should be be living in Belgium more permanently next year, Brussels and Namur. Will see if it's specific to the UK.

I'm not saying I have tons of depth but I have a mix of varied hobbies. Quite a load. I know I don't watch films (sticking point) but I'm interested in Books, Philosophy, Russian Literature, Politics, the arts, technology, cooking different types of cuisine, traveling, helping those in need etc

All I can really say is I hear you, man. I have a hard time meeting women because there are so few of them that have the combination of physically attractive looks and a personality that likes to talk about deep and interesting topics. I want someone who's going to inspire me. Unfortunately they are very hard to find.

I don't mean to just attack women either. Although I am not looking for a man as a partner, I can tell that there's a lot of men who are also all the same. It's just people. There's a lot of them who just all like the same things and once you've met one, you've met them all and you know all there is to know about them after 15 minutes.

I don't want to be too negative though, because it just takes motivation away. We just have to keep soldiering on. We have to keep believing that something will work out eventually.

It's no better in Belgium. You should read through the student confessions if you're bored, you'll see they're all about one night stands etc. Welcome to Belgium, honeysuckle country with honeysuckle politicians and honeysuckle weather and lots of taxes. I'm sure you'll enjoy your time!

Also, everybody hates each other.

Ok I'm lying, there's a big group of people who are just enjoyable people and are the same as you. They're just not as pronounced as the mainstream folks who're over sexualized.

PS: Brussels is the worst. I feel for you. You'll feel just as lost in Brussels as you feel in London. Pm me sometime if you have more questions.

TheSkaFish you got it! It's just a people thing. Maybe modern society has pushed us more towards it or so many have always been lacking in depth over the centuries!

Hey Rainbows, I knew it has to be similar in a way. Not far in distance and it's a western country. I have not really socialised with anyone in Belgium when I go there. Due to my shyness which I am try to overcome, the few interactions I've had with others have been positive. But I'm solitary a lot.

As you mentioned Brussels, I'm trying to find a place to live in Molenbeek, Brussels.
*I joke*

The UK has become tiresome for me. I've got careers I want to apply for there. I was thinking of living in Namur next year (seriously this time!). So, What part of Belgium are you from?

matt4 said:

TheSkaFish you got it! It's just a people thing. Maybe modern society has pushed us more towards it or so many have always been lacking in depth over the centuries!

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I think it has always been this way. It's easy to like what everyone else likes, it instantly gives you something in common and makes you part of "the group".

I don't know man. I am in your situation too - no interesting dating prospects around me, neither around my circle of friends nor on the major dating websites. It's worse because I know just how good it could have been. But I try to keep myself from sinking by reminding myself that I shouldn't waste this time I have now, because it too is something, and I still could use it to become as interesting as possible to myself because if I'm boring myself then how can I hold interest with others?

I get by telling myself that sometimes things just take a little patience.

matt4 said:

grosslonelyguy said:

matt4 said:

I think partly the reason why I can't make friends is that people have no depth of character.

To add to this so many people I talk to in the UK, I find it impossible to have friendships with. They are materialistic and unaware of the world around they just bore me. Does anyone feel the same? I find very few people who have amazing depth of character! I have like two friends and it fricken sucks. I try to keep myself busy. I'mm not sure if this is just a UK problem. I find people more approachable in Belgium when I am there but I haven't settled there yet to know if this is really the case

Hope it's worded correctly. I typed this from my iPad. Hate using it for loadsa typing!

Click to expand...

I feel exactly the same. people are pressured into not having depth of character or anything really.
Here in the UK, people are just the same card over and over again.
Nobody is focused anymore. Everybody is partying till their liver gives up on them. Men are just being violent, very aware of one thing only: Nobody thinking they're gay or treating them the way they treat women. drinking till they drop, every day on and on again. They must be very miserable on the inside.
Girls are spreading their legs and buttcheeks without discretion or thought and not even being riddled with herpes or having 28+ fatherless children would stop them cause they cannot handle reality anymore and they desire the temporary comfort in sex and booze.
Hobbies are a dying past-time. Thinking is dying out too. Being individual human beings is history now.
It sucks ass when I look at my own people and feel disdain and disgust.

Click to expand...

Yes, it seems so. Where in the UK are you if you don't mine me asking?
It's the same in London of course. Very few people of character. There are some but I think people make judgements that I'm not interested in that sort of thing. Maybe, ethnicity, dress sense, or looks.

Yep, I find myself so off British women for this reason. It's another reason why I don't have a girlfriend. I find women very attractiv at first glance but this fades away when I find out they are an airhead or have no real soul! No hobbies just go out partying all the time. Don't get me wrong I would love a night out at the bar/pub but it's just the excess and as you say nobody seems to have any hobbies in this country now. Oh apart from watching celebrity, big brother, xfactor or Britains got talent.

There is a really pretty girl at my work and we get along, but sadly shes just like this. It's all about clubbing, and not much else. I think she likes me. I do to some extent but I couldn't even consider the thought of a relationship with her as it would be like pulling teeth.

The type of girl I'd like I feel is inaccessible to me unless I can express my personality before they make a value judgement on my face. Many people may see just a mixedrace guy not interested in cultured stuff, and who has loads of hobbies this is because the women I want must have this. Most mixedrace young guys are boring as heck. They are in London. Again, once you seen on you generally seen them all but I'm not like this.

Maybe I'm stressin' too much on my appearance but something is topping me from finding interesting people even to talk to.

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From Nottingham here. I have a feeling that Nottingham is only a notch below Skeg-ness or whatever it is called.
Oh, and about dressing and ethnicity, Some people dress different from others, but it is mostly this new crap-style that's so f**king disgusting. lol
I mean the brown pants that expose the ankles and 2/3 of the shank with a stupid shirt that looks just pain stupid, a "gold" watch and a hat.
I would not have a problem with this if it meant they were individuals. wrong. They're just like everybody else but the only difference is that they blew 1,800 quid on a guitar they do not play. With ethnicity, there are the ethnics who would murder their parents to be white for a day and those who cannot attain this so the lead a life pretending to be criminals.
Then there are the ones who do not give two s**ts about these stuff and being a part of them. Like me.
Another thing about Nottingham people I dislike is the clear cut line of who and who.
There are the "ugly" chavs and right next to them, the "magazine material" people. Those people look like they just jumped out of Instagram. lol
But there's no difference in character in any of these people!!
Just smoke, drugs, booze, party, rinse poorly and repeat!

I can't help but think that part of the problem here, though, is just not letting it get to you. Here in the US, we have a lot of the same issues, the same subcultures with the same mindsets, that can be annoying if you think about them. I will not list them again, because I don't want to re-live the animosity I have for them. And I find that thinking about them just drains me. I'd be an even better version of me if I spent less time thinking about how much I don't like them and more time thinking about what I do like.

Every time I spend a thought, time, and energy thinking "I hate (insert subculture here), they're so/such (insert insult or criticism here)", I have spent a thought, time and energy that I could have used on things which would make me interesting to the people I do want to talk to, and as a result I push myself further away.

I'm just trying to find the answer and feel like life isn't a lost cause after all.

TheSkaFish said:

I can't help but think that part of the problem here, though, is just not letting it get to you. Here in the US, we have a lot of the same issues, the same subcultures with the same mindsets, that can be annoying if you think about them. I will not list them again, because I don't want to re-live the animosity I have for them. And I find that thinking about them just drains me. I'd be an even better version of me if I spent less time thinking about how much I don't like them and more time thinking about what I do like.

Every time I spend a thought, time, and energy thinking "I hate (insert subculture here), they're so/such (insert insult or criticism here)", I have spent a thought, time and energy that I could have used on things which would make me interesting to the people I do want to talk to, and as a result I push myself further away.

I'm just trying to find the answer and feel like life isn't a lost cause after all.

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Me and Matt4 know this, but you know, sometimes it gets too much, when you feel like the only grey chess-piece on the board
This honeysuckle people do also affects our personal lives, because int he end, people like this are the reason most of us do not have friends or relationships or such, here in the UK.
IT affects me cause I'm very feminine looking and it causes all these men who're so afraid of being gay to yell my way with homophobic and shameful phrases and what not (when probs 3/5 of them want to bang me/are closeted and miserable. HAH!)

Your partly right I suppose. I have let it get to me but then it is all around us as grosslonelyguy said.

I don't dress with a cap/jeans round my ankles but I always feel I stick out. I see immaculately dressed people who seem to carry themselves better and I think when people do see me they judge me on ethnicity sometimes. Would you think a mixedrace guy from London looking like me likes to discuss politics, is liberal, is interest in different things, emo girls etc

I think people do assume I'm a dope smoker and I just have nothing interesting to say.

You can see I'm really self conscious but I'm trying to figure out why I'm overlooked by nearly everyone in society. Even those I perceive as interesting and want to get close to (those with a little depth!)

It's honestly so boring in society. Most people I know my age (on facebook) talk of when and where their next tattoos are gonna be. I hate tats. Or where to get permanent hair removal from for their genitals. When their next trip to Magaluf, malia, Portugal will be. It's a snooze fest. Has the world gone insane or am I? I really do feel like a grey chess-piece on the board

Can someone be a bit different!