Coping with loss and loneliness

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Dean129

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Today I lost my only friend - the closest person to me. I know it sounds stupid but she was an alcoholic but hid all to do with her condition, so much so that even her mother who she lived with had no idea of her drinking.
Now, today, not only am I coping with a huge sense of loss and grief but I'n having to cope alone as I have no one else in my life to talk to or share my grief with.
How do you cope in these situations, has anyone else suffered a loss and been totally alone?
All I can see is a huge black hole in front of me as the only thing worth while I had in my life has now gone. I've never known such pain, emptiness and loneliness.
 
I'm legally required to tell you to seek professional help because I could end up in prison if you do something to yourself and I didn't tell you that.

Aside from legalities, this doesn't sound like something you can deal with on your own. If there is absolutely no one in your life, google "grief support" and see if there are grief-related groups you could talk to. Those are usually full of people who have experienced loss and might still be experiencing it, so they would understand what you're going through from first-hand experience and be able to offer you some comforting words and useful advice. (And, of course, tell you to seek professional help because they don't want to go to prison either.)
 
mickey said:
I'm legally required to tell you to seek professional help because I could end up in prison if you do something to yourself and I didn't tell you that.

Aside from legalities, this doesn't sound like something you can deal with on your own. If there is absolutely no one in your life, google "grief support" and see if there are grief-related groups you could talk to. Those are usually full of people who have experienced loss and might still be experiencing it, so they would understand what you're going through from first-hand experience and be able to offer you some comforting words and useful advice. (And, of course, tell you to seek professional help because they don't want to go to prison either.)
Click to expand...

Thanks, Mickey, but rest assured, I certainly wouldn't so anything stupid - one thing I've learnt from all this is how precious life is. It's the loss of the one thing that meant something to me and now I'm totally alone. I'm trying to gain some comfort, from want of a better phrase, in how others may have coped with loss or the feeling that comes with that
 
My late mother died in 2011. I don't believe in any kind of existence after death, so I couldn't be comforted by the notion that she continued to exist in some better place. What comforted me was that her suffering was finally over. She'd had a miserable and unfulfilled life, and nothing could touch her any more. Her very nonexistence ensured that she was at peace and would forever remain at peace.

(This reasoning is why, on a rational level, I consider eventual death of old age by natural causes to be a positive thing. But I have a contemptible brute animal survival instinct that is mindlessly afraid of death, and have never managed to subdue it.)
 
Dean129 said:
How do you cope in these situations, has anyone else suffered a loss and been totally alone?
All I can see is a huge black hole in front of me as the only thing worth while I had in my life has now gone. I've never known such pain, emptiness and loneliness.
Click to expand...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. My deepest condolences.

When I lost my father, I experienced that black hole filled with so much despair, pain, loss, emptiness, loneliness and feeling so lost I didn't know where to go but stay in that hole. I shut everyone out because nobody understood how I felt or what I was going through.

Like what mickey said, find comfort in the fact that your friend is no longer suffering. That you could learn a lot from this experience and maybe do something to help others gain some insight or understanding with such issues she was facing. Pass it on and hope at least one other person can lead a better life from your experiences. I find that worked for me, may or may not work for you. But I wish you all the best in coping with your loss. Take time and don't rush with healing and moving forward. Take care.
 
I'd known my friend for 17 years and she was the only one I ever did anything with - we even went on the occasional holiday together.
It's a coincidence reading the post by Mickey as my friend too seemed to have a miserable existence over the past few years - she lost her father 3 years ago and never seemed to cope with that loss, despite both me and her mother trying to get her help and giving her a lot of support.
Nothing seemed to matter to her though and sadly, and unknown to us, she had turned heavily to drink. The lies and deceit regarding this have been immense and has certainly caused me a huge amount of shock - I'm certainly asking myself why didn't I see it, could I have done more but she hid it very, very well.
I think this is also increasing my sense of loss in that someone has chosen alcohol over family, friends and what was a good life overall - I'll never understand it.[/align]
 
Dean129 said:
I'd known my friend for 17 years and she was the only one I ever did anything with - we even went on the occasional holiday together.
It's a coincidence reading the post by Mickey as my friend too seemed to have a miserable existence over the past few years - she lost her father 3 years ago and never seemed to cope with that loss, despite both me and her mother trying to get her help and giving her a lot of support.
Nothing seemed to matter to her though and sadly, and unknown to us, she had turned heavily to drink. The lies and deceit regarding this have been immense and has certainly caused me a huge amount of shock - I'm certainly asking myself why didn't I see it, could I have done more but she hid it very, very well.
I think this is also increasing my sense of loss in that someone has chosen alcohol over family, friends and what was a good life overall - I'll never understand it.[/align]
Click to expand...
Hello Dean 129,
I doubt it very much that you would have been able to prevent what has happened. It was her décision to keep this side of her to herself. But I'm not sure if she "had chosen" alcohol over friends. You know- alcoholism is still not fully accepted as an illness but as a weakness. Thé result is quite often shame. I could imagine she simply did not want to loose your friendship because of this "weakness". Yes, what happened to her and in conséquence to you is really unbelievably sad. There are no words of consolence. I'm sorry. But out of expérience: you will cope with it eventually. The saying " time is a healer" sounds probably superficial. But it's mostly true.
You have lost your friend and there is a void now. But a very important part of her is still there. It is in you and the memories of your time together.
 

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