How can you be lonely in London?

Londoners. Ever had someone ask how can you be lonely in London?

Simple, I find it the most loneliest place in the UK, I'll say Europe. Many of the people aren't approachable and people don't care for others as much as they should. People my age 26 are always out there frontin' to be be tough. You got to be if you come from a majority of the suburbs now.

The other city I found where people are quite similar in the sense of not willing to open up and talk is Paris. Strange that.

As for me, I find it hard to find anyone with similar interests to me. Such as politics etc. I'm against high levels of vanity and materialism that London is all about. Thus putting me at a disadvantage.

Any Londoners here and want to chime in on how exactly they became lonely here?

I live in LA and it feels like the loneliest place in the world to me. I'm planning on moving to a smaller city soon, and while I don't think things are magically going to be better there, I'm looking forward to making a fresh start and trying to make connections there. One of the things I'll try to work on is putting myself out there and dealing with rejection. I don't know what life is like in London but I hope you keep trying to find people who also feel marooned there so you can make meaningful connections.

I'm not a Londoner, but am in Toronto, a city of 3 million people in Canada that has sacrificed its identity and uniqueness on the altar of worshipping New York City. People here are ridiculously polite to each other, but all contact with others is superficial and insubstantial, and no one makes a real connection. I find the superficial pleasantness of the people around me to be worse than honest hostility would be. And, yeah, you can live here for 40 years without getting to know a single other person or ever interacting with anyone except store clerks and bank tellers and your landlord and a few government functionaries. If you want total anonymity come to Toronto.

mickey said:

I'm not a Londoner, but am in Toronto, a city of 3 million people in Canada that has sacrificed its identity and uniqueness on the altar of worshipping New York City. People here are ridiculously polite to each other, but all contact with others is superficial and insubstantial, and no one makes a real connection. I find the superficial pleasantness of the people around me to be worse than honest hostility would be. And, yeah, you can live here for 40 years without getting to know a single other person or ever interacting with anyone except store clerks and bank tellers and your landlord and a few government functionaries. If you want total anonymity come to Toronto.

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Hah, when I visited Toronto, the first thing I said was, "Oh, it's a clean New York." But I think life in any metropolis has to be isolating. One concept I want to start a thread on once I have it more fleshed out is whether lonely people are too sensitive or the majority of the world is just numb. Sometimes I feel like life is inherently lonely and most people just lie to themselves for comfort and anyone who tries to honestly face the loneliness of life comes off as too intense.

matt4 said:

Londoners. Ever had someone ask how can you be lonely in London?

Simple, I find it the most loneliest place in the UK, I'll say Europe. Many of the people aren't approachable and people don't care for others as much as they should. People my age 26 are always out there frontin' to be be tough. You got to be if you come from a majority of the suburbs now.

The other city I found where people are quite similar in the sense of not willing to open up and talk is Paris. Strange that.

As for me, I find it hard to find anyone with similar interests to me. Such as politics etc. I'm against high levels of vanity and materialism that London is all about. Thus putting me at a disadvantage.

Any Londoners here and want to chime in on how exactly they became lonely here?

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I was in London for just one day and this is quite the impression I got. It reminded me so much about where I come from (which I don't disclose here) where it's bustling and busy that people don't really notice each other. Even those who are around their friends or people they're hanging out with, they just seem to be far away in mind. Not all of them of course, just the few observations I've made.

Maybe the place is too busy and bustling that people get so distracted, they don't really take a step back and just notice anything or anyone.

I think cities are similar wherever you go.

I just want to point out that it's obviously not just London!
Like lifestream stated, this is true for pretty much any city, at least from my experience. Smaller towns tend to have nicer, more friendly and caring people. There are probably exceptions but I've never found any myself.
You can obviously still be lonely in smaller towns, just as lonely, but there's just something to be said about the loneliness of cities. It's a different kind of loneliness.

I grew up in LA, and got out ASAP! The one lingering memory of my stay there was that it was the loneliest place I've ever known. I don't care about looks or possessions or fame, which doesn't fit in there. I dreamed endlessly about getting away and getting rural.

Where I live now can be small and provincial, but for someone who has little capacity to connect it's actually much better. I can have a little positive experience anytime I want by going into town and chatting with someone at the building/hardware store, gas station, pharmacy. People KNOW each other. Yeah, some people are catty and rude and even mean, but you can dance around them once you know who to avoid.

There are lot of people on this forum that are from the UK, and I have to say I've gotten the impression that it is just as lonely there, or more so, than LA. (OK, UK isn't just a city).

ladyforsaken said:

I was in London for just one day and this is quite the impression I got. It reminded me so much about where I come from (which I don't disclose here) where it's bustling and busy that people don't really notice each other. Even those who are around their friends or people they're hanging out with, they just seem to be far away in mind. Not all of them of course, just the few observations I've made.

Maybe the place is too busy and bustling that people get so distracted, they don't really take a step back and just notice anything or anyone.

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That pretty sums up the impression I get from London when I go there. That and it always feels like a stressful environment to travel around in. I'll be visiting an exhibition there in a couple of weeks so I'll see if I still feel the same way about the place. I do agree that it's probably the same for most large cities though.

I lived in London for 2 years and have been around the block a few times - have been to Toronto many times and spent a month in the LA area (side note, I can't stand LA ) It is very easy to get lost in the crowd in London as I suppose it is in any major populous city. In fact, that was what I liked about it because I grew up in a very small town where everyone knows everything about everybody's business. So I liked the anonymity.
It comes down to finding your own tribe of people who are like you (yes, they exist in London). Maybe start with like-minded people at work or from school. Finding good friends that you can trust takes time, though, no matter where you live.

-Teresa

London? Mostly banking, insurance and other financial activities. Not the most warm hearted environment, is it?
Never found New York friendlier. AND try Tokyo!
But I like to be in London for a day or two. For a metropolis sniff and for being gladly back to my place afterwards.

You can be lonely on the most crowded bus, subway or festival. It doesn't matter how many people are around you. It's a state of mind. There are always clubs and organizations that you can look into to socialize. Having similar interests will encourage conversation.

I lived in London for two years and half, and it is the only place I have seen where two people who cross each other on a small path purposefully avert their eyes, nay, their whole face, to avoid eye contact.
I loved it, because of its modernity, the endless possibilities and entertainment, the anonymity, but I have never been so lonely like I was there. My impression is that all huge metropolitan places do not offer much in terms of groups and camaraderie, and everyone is really blasé' and tends to look down on you, because that's what people who move from their small villages to the big city do.
To find friendly people you need a mid-sized city, like Brighton, or maybe Bristol? I hear good things about the Welsh.
The loneliness of big cities... I should watch Midnight Cowboy again to describe it. You are just worthless, nameless, you can drop dead in the streets and people would mostly be annoyed of having to walk around your body to go on their way. That loneliness is more than loneliness, it's annihilation, it's like becoming nothing and disappearing. That was my experience. From some angles, it was OK (no one was there to judge me) but the cruelty and general lack of empathy did hurt a lot.

I was born,raised in and still live in London,I don't think it's any more or less lonely than anywhere else. It's really interesting to hear the perception that other people have of being here though,we're not always like that but when I go around smiling at people and trying to chat to strangers I do get some really strange looks.

I don't think it's just London. I'm away in Spain at the moment and feel incredibly lonely after saying goodbye to many people I was volunteering with now I'm alone again. It can happen in. By city and it has happened in every city I've visited in Europe. If you're alone you either create the feeling yourself or your actions.

I actually lived in London for a year went to meetups tried to make friends but to no avail. I was still alone and only ever stayed in contact with one person who wasn't even in London permanently. It was so so hard finishing work the. Going back to the room I rented on my own stuck in a depression cycle every weekend. So many people have their own social groups wherever they are that it they only care for their own and don't want nor care for anyone else.

You can feel lonely anywhere in the word, regardless of location.

Location doesn't effect the feeling of loneliness. It doesn't matter where you are, you can still feel lonely.

Loneliness is more than just that.