loneliness and sex/gender

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mickey

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I don't want to start a war, but is there a difference between how the various genders experience social things and loneliness? My experience from watching other people over the past half-century and hearing/reading what people have to say about sociability and loneliness is that women are hurt by isolation on a much deeper level than men are. Is there something about being female that makes social contact and belonging more fundamental?

Just asking what people think. I know sex and gender differences are hot buttons for many people but am hoping the conversation can stay civil.
 
mickey said:
I don't want to start a war, but is there a difference between how the various genders experience social things and loneliness? My experience from watching other people over the past half-century and hearing/reading what people have to say about sociability and loneliness is that women are hurt by isolation on a much deeper level than men are. Is there something about being female that makes social contact and belonging more fundamental?

Just asking what people think. I know sex and gender differences are hot buttons for many people but am hoping the conversation can stay civil.

To answer your question: no. At least I doubt very much that there is a différence. Why should there?
 
I wish I could site articles and research for my belief about this, but I can't. But here is my opinion based upon personal experience and observation.

From what I've read of studies of how girls in playgroups relate at young ages vs how boys playgroups relate, I've concluded that the identity of a girl is developed by verbal interaction and reflection within the group, whereas for boys, identity is developed through active interaction and reflection. From what reading I've done I'm pretty convinced that I could find research to show that statistically, females have a greater need for intimacy within their peer group, and a greater intimacy as well, in order to be happy, than do males. Statistically.

If isolation is defined purely as lack of intimacy, then some conclusion regarding greater harm to females might be drawn. But isolation might not be defined that way. Also, your question is about being hurt on a deeper level, and I don't know how that deeper level could be quantified.

My standard rant is that one man one woman is the stupidest way to arrange society, that women and children should operate as a collective, and men should operate as a collective. Women in the center of the wheel, men encircling. I don't push this view on anyone else, though, and my own life doesn't look anything like this. I can't see it being possible in this modern world. I'm being prehistoric, I think.

OK, I had to come back and modify this because - I really don't care about the division of men and women, so much as that there be a natural place for those who operate relationally and those who operate "actionally".

I conclude by confessing that it has taken me decades to learn to have a talking friendship. I tend toward action-relating, and I am having a lonely life.
 
I appreciate the topic but I think I'll keep my opinions to myself so I don't step on anyone's toes.
That said- I don't think this is an easy thing to box up, label and define when everyone has their own dynamics in approaching life
I think stereotypes are an ineffecient way to define things, everyone is different and experiences life in their own unique way
 
mickey said:
My experience from watching other people over the past half-century and hearing/reading what people have to say about sociability and loneliness is that women are hurt by isolation on a much deeper level than men are. Is there something about being female that makes social contact and belonging more fundamental?

No. And I don't even know where you get this from. It depends on the person and how they are affected by being isolated. Women do not have it easier or harder then men do. It is the personality of the person and not their gender.

there is no hope said:
I think the world would be better if we were all genderless.

I just want to say, oh hell never mind.
 
Sometimes said:
My standard rant is that one man one woman is the stupidest way to arrange society, that women and children should operate as a collective, and men should operate as a collective. Women in the center of the wheel, men encircling. I don't push this view on anyone else, though, and my own life doesn't look anything like this. I can't see it being possible in this modern world. I'm being prehistoric, I think.

Nope I have always thought this was strange. I truly think genders tend to associate with similar genders, by and large, should be with similar genders and a lot of the discord in modern society is caused by our refusal to accept such things as simply the way it is.

I suppose there is more societal pressure on a woman not to be a loner and they can be called things like "old maids" and such. But I find men more affected by it than women.
 
I think you're conflating your own personal experience with isolation with the entire male gender's experience with isolation.
The only data I've heard about this is that divorced men do far worse than divorced women in terms of depression, anxiety and loneliness because often their social circle is the same as their wife's and once their wife is gone, so is the social circle.
I've also known a number of men who tend to drink to excess and it seems like they are trying to erase away pain and loneliness when they do so.
Also, being around kids can help alleviate isolation and who are the primary caretakers of kids in most societies? Women, not men.

-Teresa
 
BeyondShy said:
I just want to say, oh hell never mind.

I just want to say, stop acting like your ignorance and dismissive attitude is somehow a virtue. Or whatever. I don't care what you think, but it's really annoying and part of the reason there is so much disinformation in the world, which leads to even more ignorant assumptions than are already commonplace in the world.

In regards to OP - I don't think it's an intrinsic trait of women that they handle solitude worse or better than a man. I don't have hard statistics for how many women and men are severely isolated socially either (and good luck finding a consensus on what severe isolation means - i put myself there obviously). There are definitely some really lonely and marginalized women out there, because I know at least one.
 
quintus 2 said:
To answer your question: no. At least I doubt very much that there is a différence. Why should there?

Quintus, man. Don't know if you remember me. But you've been missed.

Think you'll stay around, this time? :p
 
We get accustomed to it. When women enter of period of pronounced isolation, it's possibly less familiar to them so perhaps they don't deal with it as well.

I'm pretty used to having most of my Friday nights and weekends 'free', so it's not a big problem.
 
What you're observing is far more likely to be an outward display of gender roles, rather than a display of what people really are experiencing inwardly.

Society expects men to be stoic and mechanical in how they deal with emotional matters (or even to be above emotions to begin with), while women are expected to be "emotional creatures" that talk about their feelings freely.

The truth of the matter though is that we, as humans, are ALL social and emotional animals by nature. We are just (unfortunately) conditioned from early age to respond to these things in different ways. Not all of them honest or healthy.
 

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