How did y'all feel when you had your first partner?

Just curious.

Had in what way? General? Sexual? Emotionally? I can say, in a general sense, that I cared for my ex, but eventually tried and true became too much tried and not enough true.

VanillaCreme said:

Had in what way? General? Sexual? Emotionally?

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In all of them.

By time I got anywhere near a woman, it was too late. The experience was a disaster and just reinforced that I was too far gone to ever be a valid person.

A word of advice for those young enough - don't take up wanking. Ever. If you are, stop when you're young.

With my ONLY partner (not just the first but almost certainly the last) I didn't particularly feel anything. Sure, I enjoyed spending time with her, talking to her and being free to touch her, and I deceived myself about the significance of those things, but deep down, the experience really wasn't any different from being alone. I don't have chemistry with other people and of course didn't have any chemistry with her. The strange thing is that I remember her treating this total absence of chemistry like something normal.

After we broke up I was devastated even though I was the one who ended it. At bottom it was one of those standard animal terrors that boils down to: "OMG no more access to regular sex! Where am I gonna get sex from now? AAAGH!" People seemed to think it was perfectly okay for me to feel that way, but I now regard that reaction with contempt, because I also remember observing members of other couples behave in servile and subjugated ways because of the fear of that happening--which amounts not to love of the partner themselves but of fear of personal inadequacies that could make _replacing_ the partner difficult. Yes, I reacted like an animal to her being out of my life, and I now have only contempt for my past self because of it.

(That longer second paragraph wasn't what you asked, but I thought people might want to read it anyway. )

How did I feel? What I felt was nearly every emotion under the sun. In a long term relationship everyone's going to go through their ups and downs. That's inevitable. It happened and I'm happy it did. I'm happy it ended when it did too, but it was nice while it lasted.

there is no hope said:

A word of advice for those young enough - don't take up wanking. Ever. If you are, stop when you're young.

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Stopping masturbation does not guarantee a boost in confidence, it'd be like a guy getting an athletic body, yet still fails at being social.

The only person I was ever "with" was not in a normal relationship. We met about once a month and would eat a microwave meal and watch some tv. Or we would sit outside and watch the dogs. That was pretty much it since neither of us could figure out how things like kissing worked.

For me it was the best time I have had in a long long time and better than I will ever have again. Just having someone to hang around once a month made life feel worthwhile.

AnonymousMe said:

there is no hope said:

A word of advice for those young enough - don't take up wanking. Ever. If you are, stop when you're young.

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Stopping masturbation does not guarantee a boost in confidence, it'd be like a guy getting an athletic body, yet still fails at being social.

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Confidence is the last thing I'd think about in the long-term.

mickey said:

With my ONLY partner (not just the first but almost certainly the last) I didn't particularly feel anything. Sure, I enjoyed spending time with her, talking to her and being free to touch her, and I deceived myself about the significance of those things, but deep down, the experience really wasn't any different from being alone. I don't have chemistry with other people and of course didn't have any chemistry with her. The strange thing is that I remember her treating this total absence of chemistry like something normal.

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We don't have the ability to see ourselves the way others see us. If she was there with you, then somehow she was clicking with you. She treated the situation as something normal because for her, it worked.

I had a total DOA relationship years ago. He went away for a while without telling me, and I didn't even notice. When he got back he asked 'Did you miss me?'. I said no, but I'll hang out with him while he's here. He must have gotten more from the relationship than I did, because he was really hurt when I said that.

My first girlfriend was in 1996, met her thru a lonely ad in the paper. I was 26.
First date I was obviously a bit nervous, I expected it to go wrong. (And it did she had a panic attack.) Second date was probably the best. I got the impression she was interested in me, loads of kissing which was nice. It felt strange though somebody 'liking' me. Of course I started to worry whether I really liked her and where it was going. After that it went downhill fast. She started acting like a grumpy *****, complaining about everything. I spent the next few weeks wondering how I could get rid of her. When I did, it felt great.

Wouldn't know, still single. The thing about it that sucks is that you don't know when or if it will end. You don't know if you're getting closer to being dating material, getting further away, or just running into a wall. I have to say, the prospect of being single for life and never getting to be with a girl is something that scares me, cause as far as I know no girl has wanted to date me yet and there's been no sign that it will change or what I can do about it.

And you could even finally make yourself into a really interesting, exciting, fun guy with loads of cool stories to share. But it won't do you any good if all the ones you want to be with are already taken and there's no one you want left.

there is no hope said:

A word of advice for those young enough - don't take up wanking. Ever. If you are, stop when you're young.

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I couldn't agree more. Using porn/masturbation is a great way to feel like a zombie. It's best to never see it and spend your time doing something else that makes you feel alive.

Wouldn't know. Still single too. After 26 painful years.

I'd love to have someone who shares emotions with me. Sex that actually means something, having someone say they love me in my ear.

I believe I'm cool but just haven't been with many girls that I click with. Soo many are superficial. I was also terribly shy for such a huge part of my life. Improved a lot now though.

My online dating experience hasn't been much better. Mostly spend hours writing messages without getting any responses. I don't just say "hi, how are you doing?" I actually read their profiles and show an interest in what they have wrote.

Pointless, I think I need to meet face to face to have any chance. Who knew being alone could hurt so much....

I asked a cashier girl for her number, got it, arranged to meet at a fast food place. She was cute and fun to be around. I was ecstatic.

Darrell_Licht said:

I asked a cashier girl for her number, got it, arranged to meet at a fast food place. She was cute and fun to be around. I was ecstatic.

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You make it sound so easy! >.<

partner in what sense? sex or love?

Peaches said:

partner in what sense? sex or love?

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I meant generally; you can answer in both ways.
I'm just asking because I tried to ignore a lot of couples I saw yesterday.

I was NAIVE - head pumped up by romantic poems and novels from the XIX century, zero sentimental education or insight into dating - I loved like Juliet and died just as well

fell in love fast, fell out of love fast, sat around miserable longer than I should have.

Define "partner"?

AnonymousMe said:

Darrell_Licht said:

I asked a cashier girl for her number, got it, arranged to meet at a fast food place. She was cute and fun to be around. I was ecstatic.

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You make it sound so easy! >.<

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It actually is very easy. You just try, and if you fail then you try again.
The trick is to put yourself out there. Or if you want to be like everyone else, pretend to be someone else and put that someone-else out there.
Or if you want to play the game of ignorance, which most people do for the most part, you can just put 'something' out there and not really know or even think about if it's really 'you' or not.

Though, it will be a crime if you abuse this trick. Most think so, yet it never goes into law. You'll still be labeled all the same. Might as well wear a scarlet letter while you're at it. Might as well.