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matt4

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Does anyone here find people just aren't open to meeting a lot now a days?

I want to meet new interesting people. Make new friends but I find many people seem to put up barriers. Is this a societal flaw? A lot of people then claim the world is unfriendly. I've become more open to meeting people and have found issues such as this.
 
I have done some meet up groups, but then got to busy for them. I think people with common interests want to meet.
 
I think you need to find the right type of people like what Nicolett mentioned. Most people these days are too busy walking around with their noses in their phones to notice anyone around them.
 
Hey there will always be friendly folk if you look for them. It's just people just don't seem to have the time to take a breath and enjoy each other's presence these days. I don't think they're necessarily putting up barriers.
 
I think it's social anxiety that has increased as communication barriers around the world are broken down by technology.

We live in a fantastic age of communication - if someone had said to me in 1995 that in 20 years time the majority of the population will carry a device in their pocket that will allow them to speak, send text or email to anyone else on the planet and access all information known to man, I would have laughed. Yet now we seem more insular than ever - it's just that forums and message boards and social media exists so that we all know that we are lonely, yet few of us try to deal with it.

Problem is too many people expect to solve their loneliness without putting any effort in themselves. "Nobody wants to talk to me!" they wail from behind their crumb-laden keyboards in a house they haven't left in days. Cold hard fact is that unless they get out there and make themselves known to the world, nobody knows they even exist.

Fortunately it's the fact that places like this exist (and meetup.com) that we can all work together to alleviate loneliness and reach out to others. I live alone now after my leaving a very unhappy marriage, so I knew that I needed to make my presence known to the world. I've joined a writers group which is lots of fun and has inspired me to write my 3rd novel, and next week I am meeting some people via meetup.com who all suffer from social anxiety, with another social meet in August with a different group. So yes, finding a group of people with similar interests seems to work still.

Like anything in life, I knew that I had to put in the leg work. I knew nobody's going to just knock on my door (sorry guys, the sexy new neighbour asking to borrow some sugar only happens in commercials :p) It's early days but an exciting future lies ahead :)
 
matt4 said:
Does anyone here find people just aren't open to meeting a lot now a days?

I want to meet new interesting people. Make new friends but I find many people seem to put up barriers. Is this a societal flaw? A lot of people then claim the world is unfriendly. I've become more open to meeting people and have found issues such as this.

I go to several social groups and have largely found that while people will be friendly in the group, there is no contact outside the group. It seems that most of them have their significant other or other family and close friends and /or are busy at work and/or have other interests as well, and aren't particularly looking for new friends, other than being friends while in the group. It is hard to break through and to develop close friendships.
 
Age and setting contribute to this. When you're in high school and college, you have a lot more time to establish friendships and keep them going. Once everyone moves away from schooling and settles into their job, you'll probably be less inclined to meet new people (for whatever reason). And by then, a lot of people already have groups of friends they're used to seeing. They most likely don't see a need to reach out for more.
 
I'm entering the age where many people are or have settled down and don't need many new friends, especially close ones.

I don't suppose it helps that I'm always watchful for what it is people might want from me other than company and fun. Selfishness and materialism is something I expect to see and am delighted when I don't. I read a depressing post on a writer's forum today about the time they crossed a post elsewhere suggesting that people don't pay their writers because they're not important enough and to just offer "experience" and "exposure".
 
I think it could be a combination of may of the reasons highlighted above. Especially coming out of comfort zones.
Hey there will always be friendly folk if you look for them. It's just people just don't seem to have the time to take a breath and enjoy each other's presence these days. I don't think they're necessarily putting up barriers.
I'd like to say that's the case but it hasn't been so in my experience. Maybe different places and all that. I've had people put up barriers to people who don't fit into societal norms or for other reasons.

Most people these days are too busy walking around with their noses in their phones to notice anyone around them.
Common and I find that people now a days are happy to meet the local twerp more so then someone who can hold an intelligent conversation and doesn't play the field.

I don't suppose it helps that I'm always watchful for what it is people might want from me other than company and fun. Selfishness and materialism is something I expect to see and am delighted when I don't.

Selfishness and materialism are way, way too common in society. In UK society since 2010, I feel both have increased. People lack common decency or any sense of what it's like to be the other person. It's just a common Western problem I guess, a human issue.

:club:
 
matt4 said:
Selfishness and materialism are way, way too common in society. In UK society since 2010, I feel both have increased. People lack common decency or any sense of what it's like to be the other person. It's just a common Western problem I guess, a human issue.

:club:

It's a human flaw made worse by the lack of **** given.

I'm not against the concept of a volunteer, but it takes on an uncomfortable tone at times. I've seen people making money off their websites but posting to my forum trying to entice people to work for no pay in any form and a lot of similar things. At least we occasionally get people seeking indie game reviewers who'll get the required games free, and a small online game I used to write content for paid us in game items.

There's a lack of respect for the value of labor and other human beings--they're only what they can provide, preferably as a simple tool. And to hell with them beyond that.

I sense it too often in friendships or potential friendships for comfort. I may be only the validation I provide, the talks I can give at 2 AM when someone needs a pick-me-up, or something else--and to hell with me beyond that.

Maybe I'm cynical, but the world reeks and I don't trust it. Truly pro-social relationships are deliberately mutually beneficial.
 
People just plain suck and are ********. The last few people I met have just up and stopped talking to me with no reason given. So I told them to fresia off. I'm done meeting new people and have shut those that I know out of my life all together.
 
Jafo said:
People just plain suck and are ********. The last few people I met have just up and stopped talking to me with no reason given. So I told them to fresia off. I'm done meeting new people and have shut those that I know out of my life all together.

Not everyone is. Those people, probably. Not everyone.
 
I don't have a problem meeting people, its going beyond just being associates that is the problem. Most people I've met at my university or at work just tend to stay people from my class or people at my job. Its rare that, I will meet someone and they want to hang out and even if, they initiate meeting up some rarely follow through. I've tried to be the one who takes the initiative but, sometimes I'll contact people and they make the "something came up at the last minute" or "they forgot and want to reschedule excuse". Bottom line, unless someone is really interested in meeting up then, they will make the effort.

Most friends Ive made tend to gravitate towards me and we go from there. However, I rarely make an effort on my end because, often times its "My" resources that get used. For example: I have to do the driving etc.
 
I recently had a case where I met someone and they stopped talking with no reason given. Just some people got deep issues. Deeper issues then being lonely. A lot of people have psychological issues or issues forming friendships and relationships that never get fully treated. Don't get too down.

I feel the same towards the two friends that I consider good friends. They are the ones that gravitated towards me and put themselves out for me. Make attempts to meet me, so I will do the same for both of them :)
 
It's very hard to find a true friend. I think anyone who has true friends can count them on one hand. Most people my age including me have met, shook hands with or been acquainted with hundreds or maybe thousands of people but I have maybe 3-4 true friends that I would trust my own child's life with. The rest have come in and out of my life for varying lengths of time. But I'm ok with that.

I also agree with Sci-Fi - people who don't mind bending over their smartphones and devices like brain dead woodpeckers in public places just aren't going to meet people. Too bad there's so many of those these days, although I suppose if you don't like hanging with people who are in love with smartphone games and social media, at least they readily advertise who they are :)

-Teresa
 
Most people just have their noses in their phones. Hard to meet people now because of this.
 
Something I think we're sort of losing sight of here is the fact that the majority of us here aren't social butterflies by a long shot- we're introverts for the most part. And a lot of us have mental health issues. Meeting and talking to people and making friends isn't going to come as easy to us as it will to a lot of extroverts. I don't think it is right to begrudge other people for what is actually our own difficulty in keeping and maintaining interpersonal relationships. Relationships of any sort as I see them take a significant amount of work. Blueforge has mentioned not making an effort because in the end, the others don't seem to make an effort. But you get out of something what you put into it. And I don't mean in terms of just resources. You can make and keep friends without wasting money or anything else, there are many who won't expect that of you since that's not the foundation of a good friendship. There will be bad eggs, but for the most part if you show that you care and above all that you're dependable, people seem to stick around. Perhaps we should study those who are popular, not so as to become so, but to see what the difference is in how they interact and how we do. And then perhaps apply that. If you want something, find out how the ones who already have what you want got it.
I hope I haven't offended anyone with this post; my point is only that too often people have knee-jerk responses and blame everyone but themselves for their own shortcomings. It's not them vs us. We ought to first look to what we can change within ourselves before we try to change everyone else. If this is difficult for anyone to accept.. well, I can understand. I tend to be rather idealistic despite everything. But I think sometimes that's what you need to prevent yourself from being so easily discouraged.
 
I consider myself to be introverted but how hard is it really to make eye contact, smile or say good morning to a stranger? If you don't have grand expectations, it's not really that hard. Saying good morning to the person you see on the way to work or the supermarket doesn't mean you want to start a deep friendship or relationship with them but it sure is a good way to start meeting people and connecting with other human beings if that's what a lonely person (like me) is looking for.

-Teresa
 
SofiasMami said:
I consider myself to be introverted but how hard is it really to make eye contact, smile or say good morning to a stranger? If you don't have grand expectations, it's not really that hard. Saying good morning to the person you see on the way to work or the supermarket doesn't mean you want to start a deep friendship or relationship with them but it sure is a good way to start meeting people and connecting with other human beings if that's what a lonely person (like me) is looking for.

-Teresa

This is exactly my point. Small efforts will take you a long way. :) We all need to try first before we blame others or say we've failed.
 

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