is it normal...

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h3donist

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..to wonder what your ex partner is up to? Like every day?

My wife and I were together for ten years when I left the home as I'd had enough of her cheating and abusive behaviour. Although I severed all contact with her (bar email for solicitor messages), deleted my old Facebook account & replaced it with a new one, and changed my phone number and address, I often wonder what she is upto. is it normal to feel like that?

She still lives in our house and I pay the mortgage (mainly because she couldn't afford it on her own and I didn't want to go halves with her in case she decided to blow all her cash on something else and leave me financially liable)

She emailed me a couple of weeks after we'd split to tell me that she'd met someone else (she didn't want me to find out via someone else apparently) which didn't surprise me in the slightest as she's never been very good at being alone, and sure enough on her public Facebook feed there are photos of her with a new bloke (ugly ******* brute of a man, beer and football obsessed lout by the looks of things! Probably her ideal sort)

Although I'm happy she's moved on, it's really hard to see her happy with a new man, sat in MY house, on MY sofa with a photo frame that I bought full of photos of them hanging on the wall. They're having the time of their lives while I rely on the goodwill of friends to find me a temporary home and I deal with all the legal work. I just can't shake the feeling that I've received a raw deal in this whole thing. The house will have to be sold eventually but right now I'm out in the cold as it were.

I'm not a weird creepy sort of person who stalks his ex, I'm just finding the whole breakup process a bit bewildering. Just want it to be over :(
 
My ex was with someone new less than 2 weeks after we split, so yeah, I know how that feels. That relationship lasted 3 years, then he wanted me back and after I told him no, he was with someone new a week or two later. He doesn't do alone well either. lol

As for wondering how and what he's doing in every day life, yes, I do wonder. Mostly on the doing drugs, drinking and health fronts through.
Since he doesn't tell me what he does with the kids, I also wonder what he's doing when he has them and how much he doesn't tell me. The kids usually spill the beans though and I start an argument (the man doesn't know how to calmly discuss honeysuckle :rolleyes: )

Aside from him, I do wonder about other exes of mine, but not on an every day basis, just in passing every once in a blue moon.
 
When my mom and dad divorced, the completely stopped talking to each other. They never ask about each other, and don't want us talking about the other.

Now with me, yea, I wonder what some of them are doing once in awhile. When I first broke up with exes, I would tried to figure out what they were doing. Now it's years down the road, and I will see something on Facebook that someone had shared or commented on, and I may glance at their stuff.
 
Yes, I think it is normal to wonder what exes are doing. As time goes by, hopefully you will find yourself doing this less
as other things fill your life and mind.
 
Tiina63 said:
Yes, I think it is normal to wonder what exes are doing. As time goes by, hopefully you will find yourself doing this less
as other things fill your life and mind.

Thank you, yes I am hoping this is what will happen. It might be because I am in a bit of a financial and residential no-mans-land with regard to where I'm living and working while the divorce goes through, so while we are no longer linked emotionally, we are linked financially and legally, so it's hard to walk away from that when you are forced to confront it every time the post comes or the phone rings.

Still you are right, I am trying my best to fill my mind with other things, like I am writing another book and joined a social group for people with social anxiety so hopefully things will develop from there :)
 
h3donist said:
Tiina63 said:
Yes, I think it is normal to wonder what exes are doing. As time goes by, hopefully you will find yourself doing this less
as other things fill your life and mind.

Thank you, yes I am hoping this is what will happen. It might be because I am in a bit of a financial and residential no-mans-land with regard to where I'm living and working while the divorce goes through, so while we are no longer linked emotionally, we are linked financially and legally, so it's hard to walk away from that when you are forced to confront it every time the post comes or the phone rings.

Still you are right, I am trying my best to fill my mind with other things, like I am writing another book and joined a social group for people with social anxiety so hopefully things will develop from there :)

Once the split has been made and those ties still holding you together are severed, and you are in a better place concerning finance and residence as you said, it will be easier on your mind.
But you seem to be doing the right things to move on by focusing elsewhere. Good luck :)
 
I was with my wife for a similar amount of time as you were, H3donist. I've been divorced for 2 years and we haven't spoken for around 7 and I STILL wonder how things are going for her! It's not as bad as it sounds; originally it was every day and quite painful, these days it's on special occasions or when something reminds me of her and it's more of a 'I hope things are going well for her' feeling.

I think it's important to fill your time with positive people and new experiences. It helps to ease you through the bad times.
 

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