Remembering you are lonely for a reason

In case this helps anyone:

So, I don't have much of a social life anymore but whenever I get down, I remember why I am alone in the first place. If I wanted to, I could still have a best friend who constantly complained about her life, said I was selfish, and told me she didn't believe in me at a time when I sacrificed my time and effort to be there for her. I could have a boyfriend who joked about ******* a friend of his for a birthday present and then insisted I was playing games because I didn't bow to his every whim.

I am alone for a reason and that is to leave space for better people to fill my life. I deserve better. I'll try to be patient and do my best in the meantime.

That's where I am too and refuse compromising and going back with my ex just for not being alone anymore. It is just not worth it and like you said, I deserve better, at least I hope so.

It's encouraging to see those who know their own self-worth. Thank you guys for putting this reminder out there.

edamame721 said:

I am alone for a reason and that is to leave space for better people to fill my life. I deserve better. I'll try to be patient and do my best in the meantime.

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Thank you so much for this.
I tend to forget this sometimes, what a beautiful reminder.

Agreed.

IT is better to be alone than around toxic people, OP.

Having only toxic people in your social circle is WORSE than being alone, trust me.

I'd rather be alone than unhappy

that's the hard lesson I've learned and the "must get a girlfriend at all costs!" people who post here really need to understand that.

The pendulum swings way to the other end of the arc for me. I've been declining people who were wrong for me all my life. I should be more accepting of "not ideal" people.

But that's just me. I suppose that successful sociality functions in a zone somewhere in the middle of the two extremes.

edamame721 said:

I am alone for a reason and that is to leave space for better people to fill my life. I deserve better. I'll try to be patient and do my best in the meantime.

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That's nice to read; so many people these days stay with the wrong people or keep people in their life that are no **** good for them, for fear of being alone. I think you're happier being alone rather than surrounded by negative people.

I don't see surrounding myself with people who don't even see me or listen to me as a choice from being lonely, and I don't think there is such a choice. Both are lonely.

I'll try to remind myself of this every single day. No company is better than bad company.

I agree with this, that it is better to be alone than with people who are toxic. At the same time, I must admit that often the loneliness is so deep that it can be hard to hold onto this idea.

I think choosing to be alone is a much healthier option than looking for the next person who might 'fix' your life.

lifestream said:

I think choosing to be alone is a much healthier option than looking for the next person who might 'fix' your life.

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One of my biggest complaints in meeting new people: the expectation that I'll be anything other than what I am in the present.

Tealeaf said:

One of my biggest complaints in meeting new people: the expectation that I'll be anything other than what I am in the present.

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I guess there's some comfort for people like us in knowing the difference between what we desire and what we know is reality.

lifestream said:

Tealeaf said:

One of my biggest complaints in meeting new people: the expectation that I'll be anything other than what I am in the present.

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I guess there's some comfort for people like us in knowing the difference between what we desire and what we know is reality.

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Scant, but true.

Rodent said:

I'll try to remind myself of this every single day. No company is better than bad company.

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People still seek out validation from others regardless.

ardour said:

Rodent said:

I'll try to remind myself of this every single day. No company is better than bad company.

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People still seek out validation from others regardless.

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But nobody can force you to give baseless validation to anyone, even if these people think you are an ******* for refusing to do so. Validation needs to be earned and then I'll gladly give it.

For your own sake, you should try to stay independent from outside input as much as possible. Or carefully choose whose opinions you value. Cause no amount of outside validation can negate a massive insecurity complex one has built over the course of many years in one's own head.

I agree,it's better to be alone than being with someone who constantly puts you down and doesn't make you feel worth anything. It's hard to walk away when you really want to try and help someone and you do everything you can to try and help that person and you have to walk away not because you want to but because you have to.

The only sense that I am truly lonely is romantically. But I am lonely there because I am not trying hard enough and smart enough. I've let old stories about not being good enough, fear, and anxiety get in the way.

But I've figured out what successful people do in this area, and I know what I should be doing. I just have to follow through. I need to commit to getting a girlfriend every day until it's done, not just when I feel hopeful.