Long Distance Dating

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Blueforge88

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So, I have this friend who has just ended a two year relationship with her boyfriend. They met near a base in my state after, he just got out of the military and they dated a few weeks before, he flew back to his home state. While, she was happy to have a boyfriend, some of her friends and family, warned her about having a long distance relationship. However, she was determined to make it work, and as far as I knew things went well the first year.

While they had both planned to visit each other, neither of them could afford to fly and see each other. After the second year is when things started to change. She would call me to vent about a change in his behavior: Choosing Video games over talking with her via phone/skype , his family badmouthing her, and of course her feelings of loneliness. This continued until she met another guy down here and started hanging out with him. I could tell she was lonely and wanted attention and the "new guy" was on the rebound. It was a recipe for disaster.

Slowly but, surely my concerns started manifesting. Her Boyfriend neglected her for months before, finally coming out about his new girlfriend he met in his state. She then resorted to spending days over the new guys house. Eventually, they broke up and I didnt see much of her partially, because she spent days over the new guy's place.

Now, I get a phone call from her expressing regret and guilt. I do my best to not be the 'I told you so' person, I try to be supportive but, at times my usual answer is "What did you expect"? I've been doing what I cant to be supportive and listen but, it feels like she wants an answer or reassure her that her actions were justified or ok.

Personally, I don't feel Long Distance Relationships are worth it. At least not for an allotted amount of time. In this case, two people when two years without, physically seeing each other. I think the reasons these relationships are difficult are because: some people need a close physical/emotional relationship. In a long distance relationship its easy for: One or both persons to get bored or lonely after being separated for so long.

Has anyone had a successful or non successful Long Distance relationship? How did you handle it?
 
I haven't had a successful long distance relationship, or any romantic relationship for that matter. But, I just wanted to say that I do believe a long distance relationship could indeed be worth it. Sometimes there's just no one interesting in your location. And sometimes you meet someone really special, but who happens to live far away. That's happened to me. I've never met anyone around here that I'd want to date. And the only ones I have ever met that I would love to date, have all lived far away.

I'm sure it's difficult, but for someone who really stands out from the crowd, I think it's worth a shot.
 
My experiences were both successful and unsuccessful. It was successful cos it happened and we made it work until it lasted.

Unsuccessful because it really required a tremendous amount of loyalty, trust and communication, consistently. But being afar from each other, it's easy to let your life that's in front of you consume you and not have much time (but I always think one can set aside some time and attention nonetheless) for your significant other. It's also easier for some to fall to temptations because for some people, when you're out of their sight, you're out of their mind.

It's always good to take things one step at a time, and take things slow when it comes to long distance. Rushing it won't help, and if you've got no patience for that, best not enter one. With that said, it's also good to make goals. Like a meet up sometime soon or a vacation together. Surely, in a relationship, you need to get physical too or it will seem like it's going nowhere. Of course eventually, you'd wanna work out ways to be with each other and someone or both will have to move. All these things require communication. Often times, the problem lies in the lack of it, where one person makes assumptions about the other and the situation etc. It's just no good.

About getting bored after some time.... can't you say the same with physical relationships too? it's a matter of putting in effort from each side to keep it going. Having conversations or doing activities together or anything else where it involves both person's interests. Keep it alive and keep it going with things to do together - and individually so you can later do some sharing with each other.

At least this is how I see it. How it succeeded for me and how it failed. LDRs are tough, indeed. Something I won't consider for now. Or ever. Who knows. That person has got to be awfully awfully amazing for me to get into another one and that takes a lot to prove to me, now. Not that I'm looking anyway.
 
Some can work out and it just depends on how much work each party is willing to do to make it work. It's not easy,I have just come out of a long distance relationship and we've known each other two years and there is a massive issue of trust. At one point he was heavily in to online gaming and I would feel neglected,that was a while ago now and we had spoken about it but the feeling that I felt when I was being neglected is still there,it really doesn't help the relationship now that we're trying to put things back on track and see if we can resolve things. I think you have to put some effort in to any relationship but a long distance one is really hard.
 
Blueforge88 said:
I do my best to not be the 'I told you so' person, I try to be supportive but, at times my usual answer is "What did you expect"? I've been doing what I cant to be supportive and listen but, it feels like she wants an answer or reassure her that her actions were justified or ok.

Do you mean she needs to justify entering into a long distance relationship? Would you have been okay with it had they been in the same place? If he is the sort of person to cheat, he would most likely have done it regardless of the type of relationship they were in. It doesn't really make too much of a difference to anyone else either way. Long distance relationships don't always end up the way people expect them to. But LDR or not, cheating is never justified.

Blueforge88 said:
Personally, I don't feel Long Distance Relationships are worth it. At least not for an allotted amount of time. In this case, two people when two years without, physically seeing each other. I think the reasons these relationships are difficult are because: some people need a close physical/emotional relationship. In a long distance relationship its easy for: One or both persons to get bored or lonely after being separated for so long.
Has anyone had a successful or non successful Long Distance relationship? How did you handle it?

My parents were in a long distance relationship without being able to see each other for years before they got married and after marriage too. They've now been married for 26 years. I was engaged and in an almost 4 year long distance relationship myself, and it didn't end because of the distance. Many of my friends and relatives have been in LDRs because circumstances couldn't be altered for them at that point. It really depends on the people involved and their tolerance, patience, and above all, ability to communicate. Some people do crave the physical bond more than anything else, and for others it's just hard to open up, particularly when their partner is not actually present. In that case meeting up becomes a necessity. I wouldn't say it is boredom, so much as frustration at not being able to share experiences and spend time in person that can occasionally prove to be too much for some people, and can end the relationship. It takes a lot of effort to make an LDR work, but then it takes a lot of effort for any relationship to work. The nature of the effort involved just varies. I wouldn't be skeptical of long distance relationships, they are just as likely to work out as other relationships if both partners are determined and committed, which is what counts in the end.
 
The relationship I was in before my last one was long distance as well,and that lasted 5 years and we have managed to remain amicable,that was more about me and what I wanted from life rather than him or the distance between us. I feel that would've happened even if we lived in the same area,tthe difference was that we were both willing to work at it and keep the communication going.
 
Thanks, I'm glad I got more opinions on the matter. I guess it really just depends on the people in the end.
 
My relationship was long distance. I've moved here with him now. But long distance or not, relationships take work in order to work. I honestly don't think it makes much a difference, other than being away from the person when you'd obviously probably want to be physically with them.
 
The first LD relationship moved fast. The first two months, we were living in different states in the US. The third month, we moved to a different state together. Once in that state, the first couple of months we didn't live together. But then, we lived together for the next four years. It was both great, and horrible living with her. She has a bunch of mental and physical health problems. Her mental health problems were emotionally exhausting.

The second LD relationship I had. Also only lasted four years. But, We also never lived together. In the beginning, she wanted me to move out there right away. Which, while it was too soon. I really wanted to do. As time went on, there was less of an urgency from her about my moving out there. She has severe OCD.
 

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