Loneliness levels skyrocketing lately

Ever since I stopped graduate school my loneliness levels have been slowly getting worse. These days they are pretty bad. I find myself wishing that I didn't have a need or desire for other human beings. A wish that I could somehow get along fine without others, depend on myself and only myself instead of feeling so **** fragile, and just not feel this wretched social need that's been ingrained into us through evolution.

I wish I was a tiger. Tigers don't need people. They're solitary, have their own territory, and are just happy as can be.

But, I"m not a tiger, I'm a human being and even more than this, one that seems to always feel empty.

Not only do I feel lonely I feel ignored by the people I am around physically in my daily life. Too busy doing their own thing to notice and care about how I feel and when I do interact with them, tell me to either go away, or they're simply not around. So I am trying not to expect anything of them anymore.

Life is further made difficult by just feeling as if I am going no where and don't have options to improve things in my life.

I wish there were some switch in my head to flip to fix my mental issues. Those of lonelines, depression and just general hopelessness for my future. I wish the switch could be turned off and I would not give a fresia about it anymore. It's constant pain.

My contact with my friends has gone down. Over half the people I text on my phone never respond and those that do respond, I don't want to talk to just because I am lonely, you know? I want to want to talk to them because I like them. There is at least one or two people who I talk to because I like them and I appreciate them dearly, but, I know it is unreasonable to expect them to be there whenever I want or need them to be there. So again there's this stuck feeling because I know I can't ask that of them. And even if a person were to say to me that they would be there for me anytime, I would never take advantage of it because I know that everyone has their limits, and it's not fair to ask that of them.

I've even lost the feeling of belonging here on ALL. I don't have that anymore. And if I were to describe the feeling of loneliness it would be one of constant almost physical pain, that I couldn't alleviate.

It just hurts and it's probably nothing that anyone else can fill or fix. I'm just defective.

...for the most part, I am similar to you, with one singular difference: I have lost , for the most part , the feeling of belonging here on this planet, but the sense of crushing loneliness isn't painful. It's worse. It's a cold hole, a vortex that is draining everything else that remains. Feelings are fading, need to be among others is fading, even my sense of being a human among humans is fading. At least you still hurt. I feel almost nothing, and I know that I used to feel, intensely and passionately. We're both broken - just in slightly different areas.

I don't know about defective, I read that everyone, EVERYONE can heal from hurt, still have to experience that first hand myself
It's like going through life with a hole in the chest, with the wind going through it to tease the burns.

It's very nice of you to think about others' limits, some don't ever think of that very respectful
I wish I had something smarter to tell you, these days I feel quite negative too, let's say that situations change, feelings change, you will find belonging again, I wish that for you with all my heart.

For what it's worth, HM, if you want to talk I'm just a Message away - here or elsewhere. If you feel like it

I really wish I could not relate to you, but I can. I am a 32 year old student finishing my undergraduate degree with the 18 year olds and then I'd like to go on a PhD in Clinical Psychology When I'm in school every day, even though I'm interacting with people, I feel completely separate, I am literally not included in any activities (I wouldn't want to be due to the age difference) and most of my friends who have not had severe interruptions in their education have all gone off to marriage, kids and careers.

I am wondering if you are keeping yourself occupied enough now that you are not in graduate school. If you are feeling lonely or depressed, lack of activity is the last thing that you need, in my opinion. Short of turning yourself into a tiger, I imagine you'll have to learn how to deal with this unfulfilled need of social connection, consistent social connection, that is. For me, that has been through therapy, which sometimes I think helps me see why loneliness hurts me so much and allows me to challenge my thoughts and misinterpretations around it, and also in some ways, it gives me a place to vent and feel supported. I understand if you do not have this option. I feel like this message forum is a great place to at least vent.

One thing about loneliness that makes it so much worse for me is to judge myself for it and feel like I am the only one that feels that way. As I have browsed the site, I have realized that I am truly NOT the only one, and that has made a world of difference for me in only one day.

'A cold hole, a vortex that is draining everything else that remains..'
'Like going through life with a hole in the chest, with the wind going through it to tease the burns.'
'I'm just defective.'

Too many of us can relate. Most of us feel or have felt this way. I wish there was a quick fix, or as you said HM, a switch. It doesn't make you defective to crave interaction with other people, it makes you normal if anything. Ubermensch has already said you need to keep yourself occupied. You can distract yourself and focus on other things. It's not a permanent solution, but it can help you cope.

Aw, HM, I'm sorry to hear you're in so much pain right now. Loneliness and depression can truly be a vicious cycle. Even reaching out to others takes a big effort and when we do, we don't want to continue the conversation because we're so down. Most of us here have been in your spot at one time or another and it's not a good spot to be in.
I think ubermensch has a good perspective - it can be hard but digging deep to find even a tiny distraction can do a world of good.

-Teresa

Yeah HM, I agree with SM, most of us have been in a similar spot as you are now.

What I'd do is postpone trying to solve any of the big issues for now and focus on getting through and out of your current grim zone of bleakness.

I'd suggest addressing a logistical type responsibility....whatever needs doing to keep the body fed, clothed and housed etc.

The point is to successfully accomplish some things, to be moving rather than stagnating, to do what you know can be done for now and establish a momentum, a trajectory guided away from the shadow and toward the light.

Peaches said:

I don't know about defective, I read that everyone, EVERYONE can heal from hurt, still have to experience that first hand myself
It's like going through life with a hole in the chest, with the wind going through it to tease the burns.

It's very nice of you to think about others' limits, some don't ever think of that very respectful
I wish I had something smarter to tell you, these days I feel quite negative too, let's say that situations change, feelings change, you will find belonging again, I wish that for you with all my heart.

Click to expand...

I do feel like that. I feel…so not good at times - ineffective and fragile. I've felt that pain you describe. Like a hole in your chest, going right through it.

I think about other people's limits to my detriment I'm afraid. I don't like the feeling of crossing over boundaries of another person.

Today has been slightly better. It's true.

---

boonieghoul said:

...for the most part, I am similar to you, with one singular difference: I have lost , for the most part , the feeling of belonging here on this planet, but the sense of crushing loneliness isn't painful. It's worse. It's a cold hole, a vortex that is draining everything else that remains. Feelings are fading, need to be among others is fading, even my sense of being a human among humans is fading. At least you still hurt. I feel almost nothing, and I know that I used to feel, intensely and passionately. We're both broken - just in slightly different areas.

Click to expand...

Do you find that not needing to be around others helps hold you together or is it just a part of the overall numbness? Do you have any control over it?

---

TheSkaFish said:

For what it's worth, HM, if you want to talk I'm just a Message away - here or elsewhere. If you feel like it

Click to expand...

I appreciate your kindness, Ska

HoodedMonk said:

I appreciate your kindness, Ska

Click to expand...

Thank you. I'm not exactly in perfect shape myself, but I can try to be upbeat for others and I can always listen.

If you don't want to feel lonely, then what you must do is stop doing everything that you are doing now.

Do the opposite of what you are doing.

EX) go out to clubs, go out to the mall, go out and be social

360 your life and you will not be lonely anymore

Stonely said:

If you don't want to feel lonely, then what you must do is stop doing everything that you are doing now.

Do the opposite of what you are doing.

EX) go out to clubs, go out to the mall, go out and be social

360 your life and you will not be lonely anymore

Click to expand...

This requires means of transportation. Which I don't have. :/

Stonely said:

360 your life and you will not be lonely anymore

Click to expand...

360 your life- back where you started.
Sorry, I shouldn't pick at details. Do carry on.

There's so many things I could say, but each time I try to write something I just don't see any point to it because I see things much differently than most people do.
But I do have a question for you, Monk.
Why is it you feel this need to belong? What do you think it means to belong? Why do you feel you need others? Why do you feel fragile, empty, and defective? Why do you feel the need not to be lonely? It's really all the same question.

Maybe it's not the easiest question to answer, but any answer you have will do. I just think I should probably understand your perspective a bit better before I give you mine.