When your friend is in a bad mood

How do you deal with a friend who is in a bad mood, either complaining or on a negative rant? I've tried pointing out the positives in their circumstances only to be overriden, not saying anything, and even getting angry. My last resort: it becomes too much and I have to cut the visit short, which still causes ruffled feathers.

Usually when I'm happy I can stay in a bubble, but most cases, I get pulled into the spiral.

You should know your friend better, as in how your friend is like when he/she is in a bad mood. Do they prefer you to just hear them out? Do they tend to want you to ask questions and show concern and be hopeful for them or tell them what they wanna hear (which I try not to do)? Sometimes if you don't know and it depends on the situation, you can always just ask them what would they like, a listening ear or advice? Sugarcoated, or not? I don't know, this is just how I deal with it if I'm not sure how the friend would react so I don't do something to aggravate their bad mood.

I always am available to listen. Sometimes all that's needed is for them to have someone who listens. Some other times they need comfort. Other times again it may be an advice, but I find this is the less likely case.

If you don't know, you could do like ladyforsaken said, although I prefer finding out in the process, rather than asking, but it depends.

There is no "one size fits all" kind of solution.

Wayfarer said:

If you don't know, you could do like ladyforsaken said, although I prefer finding out in the process, rather than asking, but it depends.

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Yeah, I only do that if I really can't figure out what they want and after I've tried all ways. I tend to go with the feeling I get.. and my feeling tends to be right.

I just listen, ask questions, and add thoughts.

Tealeaf said:

I just listen, ask questions, and add thoughts.

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^ Me too. Most people on a negative rant don't want to be talked out of it, they just want their feelings to be heard. If you respond by trying to tell them why they shouldn't feel that way, they will react the way people react when they feel they aren't being listened to.

It depends on whether they're in a bad mood that day or if they're always in a bad mood.

You can't talk someone into happy. So, trying to point out the good isn't really helpful and likely won't change anything. I would probably ask them if they are depressed or stressed. And, that maybe offer to point them to a good counselor who could help them sort through their problems.

ladyforsaken said:

You should know your friend better, as in how your friend is like when he/she is in a bad mood.

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This doesn't really help me. It really puts the burden on me and implies I must not be a good friend. I appreciate you sharing your strategies with me, but not that I should simply "know."

edamame721 said:

ladyforsaken said:

You should know your friend better, as in how your friend is like when he/she is in a bad mood.

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This doesn't really help me. It really puts the burden on me and implies I must not be a good friend. I appreciate you sharing your strategies with me, but not that I should simply "know."

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I probably worded it wrong or that it came across badly. I meant that you would probably know her behaviour best since she is your friend, and know how she'd react to certain things already, otherwise, you enquire or you try the various suggestions seeing which works. Unlike if she was a neighbour or a random stranger you may not know well of.

Wasn't trying to put you down or anything like that, sorry.

Depends on the situation, if they're taking it out on you then I don't really like to be a part of that. Yet if they're just having a rant or need to release some frustration then I'll listen. People tend to feel better after that anyway.

A few of my friends always seem in a bad mood (usually I can just take them out for lunch and they cheer up ). When its a serious issue I'm all ears.

Sounds like you should stick to being friends with other people that that live in bubbles.

edamame721 said:

How do you deal with a friend who is in a bad mood, either complaining or on a negative rant? I've tried pointing out the positives in their circumstances only to be overriden, not saying anything, and even getting angry. My last resort: it becomes too much and I have to cut the visit short, which still causes ruffled feathers.

Usually when I'm happy I can stay in a bubble, but most cases, I get pulled into the spiral.

Click to expand...