I don't consider myself as the ugliest woman in the world, however I am far from being beautiful. I am a bit overweight, I have small breasts, manly face and one of my front tooth is slightly chipped. I had a nose job 7 years ago, but it only slightly enhanced my face. I still get asked every once in a while if I am a man/transsexual. Even with this autodescription, I've had relationships and a few guys have been attracted to me. I turned 30 a week ago, I am single and with no prospects. All of this has made me feel a bit depressed. I know life is not only about finding love and getting married. However, it makes me sad that at my age I have never experienced true love. I have fallen in love, but never been loved back. Some guys have really liked me, but no matter how much I tried sometimes, I couldn't feel the same way. Most people say/think that you should give people that like you a chance. I have, 4 times, never worked and it only ended up in a disaster (the other person being hurt). Based on my experience, love doesn't work that way.
I might need to lower my standards. However, I can say I am not the type of woman that only likes handsome guys, on the contrary. When I see a handsome man, I just turn away because I know he is too good looking for me. I have learned from my experiences. When I go out with friends, they always get the attention and I get either ignored or brutally rejected as if I would stink like an old corpse. I do get it, I am not attractive.
Lately, I don't feel attracted to other men very often. However, when I do feel attracted, the guy is never attracted to me and ends up with another woman, in love and being loved. How can people find love? Why am I so unlucky? For me it seems that for several situations, I am always unlucky, always on the wrong place, on the wrong time and I always take paths that take me to failure and disaster. I have my issues and I know that has made me struggle to find someone, but a lot of people have issues too and they find someone. I have thought that maybe karma is screwing me over for my mistakes. However, many people have did wrong and still find love. My brother, for instance, abused me mentally and physically for years, and he is married and in love. Other men that have hurt me also find someone. If I am paying for something I did, then why don't the rest pay too? I am human and still make mistakes but I have tried really hard to become better, it is not enough apparently. Am I not good enough for love? Should people be attractive to find love? If you are not too attractive and unlucky that means you are screwed for life? Is my destiny never falling in love and loved back? Sometimes I think that of my life continues this path, I will end up in two different scenarios:
Stay single forever
Marry someone I don't love and have to compromise as I had no other option. This would be not fair for me and much less for the other person. It also sounds very selfish but I think that based on my experiences, this is apparently the only way I won't end up alone.
I might need to lower my standards. However, I can say I am not the type of woman that only likes handsome guys, on the contrary. When I see a handsome man, I just turn away because I know he is too good looking for me. I have learned from my experiences. When I go out with friends, they always get the attention and I get either ignored or brutally rejected as if I would stink like an old corpse. I do get it, I am not attractive.
Lately, I don't feel attracted to other men very often. However, when I do feel attracted, the guy is never attracted to me and ends up with another woman, in love and being loved. How can people find love? Why am I so unlucky? For me it seems that for several situations, I am always unlucky, always on the wrong place, on the wrong time and I always take paths that take me to failure and disaster. I have my issues and I know that has made me struggle to find someone, but a lot of people have issues too and they find someone. I have thought that maybe karma is screwing me over for my mistakes. However, many people have did wrong and still find love. My brother, for instance, abused me mentally and physically for years, and he is married and in love. Other men that have hurt me also find someone. If I am paying for something I did, then why don't the rest pay too? I am human and still make mistakes but I have tried really hard to become better, it is not enough apparently. Am I not good enough for love? Should people be attractive to find love? If you are not too attractive and unlucky that means you are screwed for life? Is my destiny never falling in love and loved back? Sometimes I think that of my life continues this path, I will end up in two different scenarios:
Stay single forever
Marry someone I don't love and have to compromise as I had no other option. This would be not fair for me and much less for the other person. It also sounds very selfish but I think that based on my experiences, this is apparently the only way I won't end up alone.