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Wayfarer

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There was this girl at the supermarket, just my type. I couldn't manage to talk or even make eye contact. She was a customer, like me.

This was the episode that happened today but this is getting ridiculous.. how am I even going to make friends if I can't talk to people..

So my question is... is any of you going through something similar? To be clear it's the same for any male or female. I just can't seem to be able to talk. Notable exceptions are my housemates and three acquaitances.

And apart from the obvious advice to "just talk", do any of you have some other advice that may help?
 
Well, do you know WHY you have issues talking to people? Is it just girls, everyone or is it worse with girls?

All I can really say is to not think about it so much. They are people just like you, they are no different than your roommates or acquaintances. You psych yourself out before you can even open your mouth. I'm usually telling people to think before they speak, but maybe you should try speaking before you think.
 
Wayfarer said:
There was this girl at the supermarket, just my type. I couldn't manage to talk or even make eye contact. She was a customer, like me.

This was the episode that happened today but this is getting ridiculous.. how am I even going to make friends if I can't talk to people..

So my question is... is any of you going through something similar? To be clear it's the same for any male or female. I just can't seem to be able to talk. Notable exceptions are my housemates and three acquaitances.

And apart from the obvious advice to "just talk", do any of you have some other advice that may help?

Talking to any random stranger is difficult. And in a supermarket isn't the best of places. Most people just want to do their shopping quickly and leave.

I work in a shop and I find talking easy. Even women I find attractive and I am a shy person. They need to get served and I am behind the till, so they have to come and speak to me.

Regarding your situation, if you wait any longer, you will make it worse. You could manufacture a situation. Ask her a question. Anything. Where is the soup or whatever. Or ask her about some product. I wouldn't expect too much though.

Talking to women will probably be easier in pubs, clubs or at some social event where people are there to socialize.
 
I say that next time you see one who looks like your type then just smile at her. If she reacts negatively then she really isn't your type anyhow and if she does smile back then your confidence will go up.
 
You - "How much does a polar bear weigh?"
Girl - "I don't know."
You - "Enough, to break the ice, hi I"m Wayfarer, how are you"
Giggles abound and conversation started. You'll thank me later :)
 
Paraiyar said:
I say that next time you see one who looks like your type then just smile at her. If she reacts negatively then she really isn't your type anyhow and if she does smile back then your confidence will go up.
Paraiyar said:
I say don't use lines, just ask her how's it going?

I'm with Paraiyar on this. Smile, try to feel friendly with her and she'll probably sense some of it and if she smiles in return, ask her what Paraiyar said above. Then go on from there.

Personally, it's easier for me to talk and feel at ease if the guy seems friendly... but that's just me.
 
beautiful loser said:
You - "How much does a polar bear weigh?"
Girl - "I don't know."
You - "Enough, to break the ice, hi I"m Wayfarer, how are you"
Giggles abound and conversation started. You'll thank me later :)

But what happens if she KNOWS how much a polar bear weighs? :p
 
I think practice helps. It was difficult for me at first too. And I made a fool of myself several times before I became better at it. You've got to just go for it...the first few times are the hardesr but youve got to psych yourself up.

1. Start talking to people who are least intimidating and move up
2. Practice your lines
3. Have a back up plan in case they dont respond
4. Try to make the start up convo as neutral as possible...talk about the weather or compliment them on their shoes or bag (something non body related). Once I told a guy his shoes were really cool and another time I asked the guy for the time and then complimented his watch. Stuff like that maybe?
5. I find that body language helps. Like the times I felt like responding to guys who chatted me up it was because they stood up straight and seemed very at ease. It seemed like they were being friendly as opposed to hitting on me. That made it very easy for me to engage in a convo.

Hope this helps! Good luck!
 
I've been thinking about it and I've realized I've got no problems talking to people who expect me to... for example... people who work at the supermarket.
As for male or female... it's difficult in both cases, although it is more difficult with females (pretty or not). And even more difficult if I like them.
Even more difficult if they are aware I'm looking (in which case I usually go away or look at my phone).

I guess I could ask random people on the street "what's the time?", just to build some confidence. As for body language, I'm conscious about that and do make quite the effort to stand up straight, most of the time.
 
Update: I talked. I had gone for a walk. A english couple, tourists, asked me for directions.. I'm afraid I ended up giving them wrong ones XD I panicked and alternated between stuttering and being unnaturally fluent lol they eyed me strangely.
May someone have showed them the right way XD
 
Paraiyar said:
I say don't use lines, just ask her how's it going?

Uh, it's called sarcasm. Although, it did win me a long island iced tea, within a group a friends and I was joking around with the new, shy girl of the group. Never said it again, as it was one and done.

TheRealCallie said:
beautiful loser said:
You - "How much does a polar bear weigh?"
Girl - "I don't know."
You - "Enough, to break the ice, hi I"m Wayfarer, how are you"
Giggles abound and conversation started. You'll thank me later :)

But what happens if she KNOWS how much a polar bear weighs? :p

Surely you jest, NO woman is that smart...Bazinga!!! I'm kidding!!!! :p:D:p
 
Yeah I think it's one of those things that takes practice. Sometimes I struggle to clearly articulate things I want to say or even get the words out, but it's situational and depends on who I'm with. For a while I worked at a supermarket and it kind of forced me to talk in daily routine type settings. I think the more isolated you are the easier it is to kind of lose the ability to communicate.

It may be good to work your way up by practicing communicating with friends and family. But Regarding girls and such I've had this theory recently that although it might sound strange, it might help to imagine that you already did something really embarrassing. Because in my mind sometimes I imagine this sort of point where you've already embarrassed yourself enough and can't embarrass yourself anymore so what's there to lose? Sometimes I wonder if you know one's perceived dignity creates inhibitions because you have a lot to lose by being humiliated. But once you've already screwed up badly enough it's like you're free in a way you had not been before. Because the consequences of your actions or any humiliation or embarrassment that might follow simply no longer matter.

And the extent of your screwing up has grown so vast that you almost have a morbid curiosity to put yourself in more risk-taking positions just to...see just how bad the train wreck can get. And sure when carried out to certain extreme this philosophy could probably be taken out of hand. But it's a thought I've had, so I'm throwing it out there. And the stakes are fairly low in this case...most likely.

Because recently I did something really embarrassing in a public setting which I won't admit here. But later in the day I came closer than I probably ever had been to asking out a girl I literally just met five minutes ago. I still didn't. But I felt fairly articulate and kept thinking I probably could have fairly easily just said those words that reflected in my mind (granted it's easy to SAY). Because I had nothing to lose and there is nothing anyone can do to me that I have not already done to myself (mindless self indulgence).

And I felt this strange form of freedom, this release, in knowing that I had already failed and that failure is a strange, beautiful magical thing. Well, maybe not, but it's a good laugh nonetheless. I don't know why I felt the need to type this or whether this will actually do anyone any good. Maybe a certain amount of failure is like a drug that can make someone a different person, maybe it's addictive, maybe it can even change the very nature of your reality. I am strange. I over think many things.
 
Wayfarer said:
Update: I talked. I had gone for a walk. A english couple, tourists, asked me for directions.. I'm afraid I ended up giving them wrong ones XD I panicked and alternated between stuttering and being unnaturally fluent lol they eyed me strangely.
May someone have showed them the right way XD

This happens to me everytime. When someone asks me for directions, I'm always afraid I cave them the wrong ones. (Talking to people I don't know or only know a little is very difficult for me too). Reading your post made me think that maybe it's just a feeling, so maybe you too actually cave the right directions after all... ;)
 

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