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Phaedron

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Since about 2011, all I ever do is watch videos on youtube, eat, play with my dog, and play an occassional video game. I don't have a job. I don't have a girlfriend. I'm running out of money. I lost my house. I feel like I've being fed the tree of knowledge and have no access to the tree of life. I just feel like, it's impossible to do anything because everything is so hopeless legalistic and technical that I can't make a gameplan so as to decide if it's even possible let alone compare it with other options, and so I remain in a state of indecision. I cannot advance, because everything is hopelessly complicated, and I'm not completely dedicated to my slavery and worshiping money, like the other socially engineered dehumanized work slaves.

The internet is full of every imaginable kind of liar and troll. Flat flakers, con cavers, glass domers, history destroyers, doomsdayers, Theologians, people who think their God. You've got legitimate truth seekers, but you've also got a lot of agents. The worst are Masons who try to say all the ancient sites are recent and of their own building, you know despite all historic accounts and evidence, and Gnostics. I hate those the most. People who say souls become stars, the universe is in your eye, the world is a lie, life is a lie, the Matrix, etc. The idea that we should build as many lies as possible.

So I argue a lot online, meanwhile there isn't anyway to make anything better, and most people are just waiting around to die. No one can seem to unite or agree about anything, especially when it comes to doing anything. Especially popular Christian channels. I hate those the most. All they ever do is make false predictions and spread fear, they can't destroy the world fast enough, and they NEVER make any progress in finding the real answers. It's really easy to find the answers to everything in the scriptures within the scriptures themselves. Beast is Hosea 13, False Prophet is Acts 22, Dragon is Ezekiel 32, but no, they want to find it everywhere else. They absolutely refuse to look at anything from a different point of view, and they never get tired of pointing the finger at everyone else.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I can't get anywhere no matter what I try to do. I've been a loving and devoted person since I was 13, but that's become like a phased out evolutionary trait I will never need. I have no motivation to do anything, energy is low, and I struggle with even the most basic things.

People are really accustomed to repetitious rituals, unnecessary work, conformity, obsession with money, appearances, and cleaning the outside while letting their inner selves generate cobwebs. Hello, is anybody in there? Are you a person or a work slave robot? The horrors of this world could not stand were it not for a majority of worthless human robots, socially engineered to become utterly devoid of Human Spirit.

I'm so sick of the way everything is. I'm in an apartment right now, I had to sign 33 pages of forms just to get in here, and they jacked up my price afterwards. There is no justice, millions of rules, and nobody cares. How can people stand to exist this way? Seems like every age had some form of tyranny, and people participate in this, and do not realize how wrong it all it all is. I'm a simple person and I just deal with all this crap.

I'm seriously thinking about just blowing all my money on lottery tickets or gambling and then when I run out finding some way to kill myself. I just don't have any motivation to deal with day after day of sorrow, mediocre work, and legalistic mundacity. Sometimes I just want to go hide in a cave somewhere and be left alone. I feel worthless and indecisive being alone. I'm the kind of person that makes a good companion, but I completely suck at living life for my own selfish purposes. Unless I have constant company I just can't help but let myself go, and let my room get dirty. It's like that with everything.

I have no companions, there is no one to love, no one to live for, nothing to fight for, and everyone expects me to be happy, and just fine, and want to do lots of meaningless work and give the world my best, when I have nothing to live for, and my life is completely devoid of meaning and purpose. A good woman will bring out the best in a man, that's the secret behind the frog prince story. I knew that since I was 13, but I never get the things I pray for. I just feel that it's hopeless, there is no life for me. I'm just waiting around to die.

What the heck is the meaning of this life? Every day I walk somewhere, sometimes late at night, because I don't have a car, and I think maybe this will be the day. There is maybe a 0.001% chance someone will shoot me and search my body just for the hell of it. Or maybe I'll get some medical problem, or maybe CERN will destroy the world. I feel like every day could be my last, and life is totally worthless, I'm just a prisoner in a room, waiting around for death to come.

Meanwhile I watch the world go on with life. People live in nice houses in exotic locations all over the world. I am filled with Envy day after day, but all I ever do is watch and live in my head. I just feel burned out with everything. Even the most basic of human interactions has become difficult because I'm woefully out of practice. I grew up with distant grandparents, so I fell into a paradigm of doing my own thing and living in my head and I've been living basically the same life since I was five years old, and revisiting elements from that life. My own father named me after a song about a kid who can't grow up, so I'm not entirely surprised. Still, I envisioned that by now I would have found someone and my life would make sense. I guess I'm just going to remain isolated and wither away. If I try to get out and go somewhere, it doesn't help, and it just becomes a waste of time, and all I ever want to do is get back online.
 
You have to Do what you don't want to do, in order to be able to do what you do want to do. That is just part of the reality of life. In other words, you need a job. A job to earn a living. Earning a living gives you the opportunity to have some of the things that enhance your life and your basic needs. However, I am not sure when work became such a dirty word. Many people have decided to despise it. It is really a choice. YOu can go to work and choose to do a good job. And, do it well, and that of itself offers on its own personal satisfaction.
And, loving to be online and gaming is fine. But, everything in life needs to be about balance. Our lives fall apart when we we get out of balance. Dessert is a wonderful thing, in moderation. Everything is great in moderation. Too much of something, no matter what it is, ruins other aspects of your life.
 
delledonne11 said:
You have to Do what you don't want to do, in order to be able to do what you do want to do. That is just part of the reality of life. In other words, you need a job. A job to earn a living. Earning a living gives you the opportunity to have some of the things that enhance your life and your basic needs. However, I am not sure when work became such a dirty word. Many people have decided to despise it. It is really a choice. YOu can go to work and choose to do a good job. And, do it well, and that of itself offers on its own personal satisfaction.
And, loving to be online and gaming is fine. But, everything in life needs to be about balance. Our lives fall apart when we we get out of balance. Dessert is a wonderful thing, in moderation. Everything is great in moderation. Too much of something, no matter what it is, ruins other aspects of your life.

Too much time inserted into a system makes you unable to foresee other options.
 
I can relate a little bit. I think since the internet has started I have lost days of my life on stupidity. At work I probably spend about 2 days each week on the net. I would like to cut it back but you sort of have to use the internet to get stuff done. Such as banking, e-mails from work. Sometimes I use google rather than legal data bases because it is just easier. Sometimes to spell a word correctly quickly I google it.

But one thing I do think is that YOU need to cut the internet off. You need to get a job, any job, and get too busy to spend too much time on the internet.

I agree that I also hate the way things are these days. I hate having to fill out 10 forms just to get my license renewed. But I also feel like the more you know, the more miserable you are. Ignorance is bliss and you have to get a little more ignorant.
 

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