Help Breaking Addictive Relationship

Few things have I wanted more than to break free of a certain person. I am fortunate that I am not within close physical proximity to the person. The relationship is toxic on both ends and I just do not want to hurt anymore because of it. We share no kids nor any joint ventures.


So that is the good news....I need to scratch, claw, and exert the little amount of will power to get through this. While stopping this relationship will not cure the problems in me, it will give me a chance to heal and grow as a person...


I really do need links...suggestions...help with this.....Please help me

What is stopping you from breaking away from this person?

The only advice I can give you is that you aren't helping the other person or yourself by not breaking it off sooner rather than later. It might be hard, but in the end, you will feel better and you will be helping yourself. Talk to the person, tell them how you feel and what you want to do about it.

Insecurity...wanting to emotionally batter the other person....silly things....but I have not felt this weak in a while

Alone By Faults said:

Insecurity...wanting to emotionally batter the other person....silly things....but I have not felt this weak in a while

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Emotionally batter... oh my. That's never a good place to be. I know from experience. And I know that whenever someone feels like they want to just abuse someone - in any way - it's better to walk away. It's one of those things that you're just going to have to do. There really is no preparing for it.

VanillaCreme said:

Alone By Faults said:

Insecurity...wanting to emotionally batter the other person....silly things....but I have not felt this weak in a while

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Emotionally batter... oh my. That's never a good place to be. I know from experience. And I know that whenever someone feels like they want to just abuse someone - in any way - it's better to walk away. It's one of those things that you're just going to have to do. There really is no preparing for it.

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Its a shameful thing to admit but I check email to see if there is one so I can reply...

FYI...I was ten days through no contact and I get one of those emails saying I am sorry that I hurt you and hope one day you will forgive me....I take a few days to reply and then its the same old back and forth torment....

Once I get past tonight...I can get momentum going but one day at a time

Yeah, it's going to have to be one day at a time. Eventually, you'll get to that place where you can look back and know that you don't feel like you have to go back. Because you don't. No matter what they say. You never have to go back.

VanillaCreme said:

You never have to go back.

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Thanks that makes me feel better...oddly I think of the Joker saying that to Batman that he has no compulsion or nothing that can move him off his stance or something

Go one second at a time if you have to, but don't go back to that. No one deserves that. Be strong and your conviction will grow. And you ARE stronger than you think you are.

Alone By Faults said:

Few things have I wanted more than to break free of a certain person. I am fortunate that I am not within close physical proximity to the person. The relationship is toxic on both ends and I just do not want to hurt anymore because of it. We share no kids nor any joint ventures.


So that is the good news....I need to scratch, claw, and exert the little amount of will power to get through this. While stopping this relationship will not cure the problems in me, it will give me a chance to heal and grow as a person...


I really do need links...suggestions...help with this.....Please help me

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I was in the same position you were. Almost over it but not yet.

This page helps me a LOT to find the root of the problem and to understand why I deserve better and why I am worth it....

Hope it helps you too....

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-blog/

I do not want to portray that I am blameless. I was probably the larger contributer between us of our problems.

THe last year was the extracting of the pound of flesh from the other side and I let it happen.

Now I just want to move on...I have the steps in place...already pronounced my intentions to the other party....

I wont break today but start the official count tomorrow...

This is really going to be tough but I have to do it...otherwise I languish while everyone else moves on

Sadly, no one is completely blameless in these situations. But it's not really about blame anymore, it's about getting yourself to a healthy point mentally. Forgive yourself for whatever blame you had in it and take another step toward your freedom. It's all you can do.

Just remember, if you falter or struggle, it doesn't mean you failed, it just mean you have to get up and try again.

TheRealCallie said:

Sadly, no one is completely blameless in these situations. But it's not really about blame anymore, it's about getting yourself to a healthy point mentally. Forgive yourself for whatever blame you had in it and take another step toward your freedom. It's all you can do.

Just remember, if you falter or struggle, it doesn't mean you failed, it just mean you have to get up and try again.

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This...^^^^^^^

I've been in your shoes, the situation is so hard. One step at a time, one breath at time. You can do this. It will be so much better for you and the other person in the long run.

Thank you everyone. Lets all start October in a strong and empowering way.

This is our month...bless you all

Check email too much but happy each time I see nothing disruptive there....blocks in place but she could always generate new way to communicate...

it is great start

If you want to stop checking your email so much, set up a certain day or time to check it. Like every Friday at lunch time, for example. I only check my email when I see something I need to respond to, but I know how it can be constantly checking something over and over.

problem with Gmail is that it will not let you just block at the source like outlook does. I have had the gmail account for close to a decade and am not going to change it. The best that gmail does is to funnel the email from the person to the trash file.

I then open up Thunderbird which has a delete trash on exit feature. I open and close and poof it is gone.

UGH

Alone By Faults said:

problem with Gmail is that it will not let you just block at the source like outlook does. I have had the gmail account for close to a decade and am not going to change it. The best that gmail does is to funnel the email from the person to the trash file.

I then open up Thunderbird which has a delete trash on exit feature. I open and close and poof it is gone.

UGH

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Sounds like a good step. Might be a pain in the ass now, but it'll be worth it in the end.

I have something of an opposite problem... I seem to have this thing for 'absuive' (I hate that word applied to me but I can be grown up enough to say it) relationships. But even when they tire of me, I keep going back for more even though it hurts and I hate it. Till even the one night stands of it die out.

Breaking any habit sucks, physical ones even worse... I hope you have better luck then I.

JHK said:

I have something of an opposite problem... I seem to have this thing for 'absuive' (I hate that word applied to me but I can be grown up enough to say it) relationships. But even when they tire of me, I keep going back for more even though it hurts and I hate it. Till even the one night stands of it die out.

Breaking any habit sucks, physical ones even worse... I hope you have better luck then I.

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I empathize with you. The risk to reward is so high that the chance of something good coming out of it is that carrot. Most times it just ends up in pain...

I think I know how you feel and if I do then we deserve better in our lives

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"Are You still talking to me?" is what I received two hours ago

I checked the stupid email trash and saw it...

truth be told if she wanted to, she could have just made up a fake email and got a hold of me the same way.....

I guess the luxury of running away from it, I do not get...

this is some sort of bread crumb..some test for a reaction...

same person that after I got emailed a pic of her and her new other and sent it to her that she posted it as her main FB image....

Same person who I told that I need to just heal and wished her peace....


I am so raw that I do not even hurt from it...just very sad at the transformation from loving relationship to this level of game playing....


No response.ride the storm out and continue healing...

October is still our month

LOL let this occupy too much of my mind but I found out what it is about....

Her and her rebound or current boyfriend are no more......they both took the lovey dovey picture of them off of their FB accounts...

So this happens and she decides good old reliable who has been pining for me for a year will jump at the chance....

glad I never responded...I am better than this

Go October