How to live completely alone?

I see several forum members who manage to pull it off, I am just completely heartbroken and I think that if I don't snuff myself off I will get some horrible disease very soon, to end this pain.
I don't seem to be able to keep any kind of friendship, maybe because of my personality, being with disability helps, I just don't know how get out of this situation.
They say focus on what you like, hobbies, inanimate objects, it doesn't work that much for me, the thing that always counted most for me is people and I don't know how to change that. I am becoming really bitter, and I don't want that, I want to keep loving and caring, which is difficult when no one cares for you, and they show it.
Any ideas? I was so hoping that I could change the situation by trying to change myself, after years of trying it is clear that it will never be enough, I give up - there is something basically wrong with me, and I will never understand what that is.
In real life, my on-the-paper best friends don't want to see me, forget my birthday and hardly ever ask me how I am, my own relatives don't want to know anything about me, either I accept this as a fact of life and I keep talking to them, agreeing with them on the fact that I am completely worthless, or I just stop interacting with them and end 100% alone like in a desert island. Acquaintances I can forgive that they don't care, but those very few who I gave my heart to, that hurts, and I don't know if I want to keep talking to them. Because of that, I have many good acquaintances and zero friends.
Or maybe actually move to a desert island? I am hopeless, really.

Peaches said:

Or maybe actually move to a desert island? I am hopeless, really.

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Oh no you aren't. You are one of the best posters on this board. I don't know how to make you look less to interactions with people. I tend to have always been a loner. So for me.. I don't crave people. This is how I think I do it.

(1) I expect people not to do things for me. Though it still bothers me a little bit I don't take it personal. People often just don't think of me because I seem to have it all together. Just don't expect it. Don't take it personally. People are busy and just trying to keep their heads above water. Those who get birthday wishes imho often lobby hard for it or make it known they want it desperately.

(2) in terms of talking with people... I tend to enjoy doing it via the internet more than real life. But why not start a blog or something or a diary. For me it almost feels like I am talking to people who care... even if no one responds and I get it out. Honestly it is better than being interrupted or contradicted which people feel they must do these days.

(3) Look upon your alone time as something valuable you are learning to do, not a sad state of affairs. Whenever I look into meditation I am always surprised at the way it is all about you and seems to presume that you don't need anyone else. Maybe try meditation? Look into making YOU better and learning how to live without people. That might not be a 100% but cut back on people that are hurting you.

(4) I admit it, I am a day dreamer. I have certain things that have long struck my fancy (stories or tv shows I liked but are long ago gone) and, when I am quiet I am really day dreaming in my head. I admit this helps tremendously.

Oh eta (5) get a pet. Cat or dog.

Peaches,

I'm sorry you are feeling like this. It's not easy and Many of us know all too well how you feel.

You are certainly not hopeless. Not at all. I know sometimes it feels that way, but I can assure you that you are not.

The Idea of living alone is scary, but I ended up doing it for 10 years, and came to REALLY love it. I wasn't happy about it at first, I thought I'd never make it.... But it felt good to have my own space, do my own thing...without anyone "getting in my way". Also, it gave me time to think about what i wanted out of life. I loved being on my own so much, that when my boyfriend moved in, I had a hard time adjusting to "sharing things" again. Actually, after over a year, I'm still working out how to do that!

I agree with Sutton, take it slow, meet people via internet, and move at your own pace on developing friendships / relationships. Also, time alone is important in learning to love yourself, and enjoying your own company.

If you can get a job that you like, or can tolerate...do it... it helps... But i know you said many t hings are difficult due to your disability. Can you look for something you can do that work with you, rather than against you?

Also, getting a pet is super helpful. If you like cats, they are very low maintenence and can be nice to have around.

You always have us here to lean on, talk to and share your thoughts with. Maybe, being on your own could bring you closer to your family as well..... Don't be scared Peaches, you are strong, you can do anything!!!

What works for one person may not work for another, some people are just more capable of adapting to lonely situations. Generally I think pets are a good source of company, I'd definitely get one myself if I was allowed them. You have more chances of meeting people more like yourself online, but it depends really on how far you'd go to meet friends. I'm similar to you but you don't want to end up one of those people who builds barriers, I know this, really.

Losing hope is a terrible thing
likened to the venom of an unfortunate sting

it saps away the joy inside
it feels like something has died

something precious, something pure
the dream and the tacit alure

of sharing similarities of perception so sweet
looking down and seeing two pairs of feet

the scary part about losing hope
is faith is all that's left and thoughts of a rope

when you don't have hope faith makes nothing better
feels like another dead end rode and an unread letter

the pain, the terror, the horror, and the suffering of life


there is a place, though, and I know it to be true.
It's dreams woven in imaginary silver silk and each day is new.

There is a farmers daughter and a city slicker too
An unlikely match that ends up in I do!

Or there is that adventure 3 friends went on together
braving impossible odds and unbearable weather
they started our as 3 and ended up 5 strong
they got through the storm, and lived long

Can you remember the wicked witch of the west?
What would the tin man say to the rest?

Some dreams end in sadness, a terrible tragedy for sure
Yet to the heart they often carry such alure?

As for me, I've seen a thing or two
I'm a sorry excuse for anything that ought to be what; according to what we must do
I don't know much, and what little I know is nothing at all
For now I'll dream

The roses will bloom in their time
the kids will make it to school again
the stock prices will fluctuate
and misery, greed, and dispair will dominate
horrors and terrors of an unspeakable kind
will continue from time to time to unfold and unwind
but never a doubt in my tired mind
that somewhere is a dreamer, dreaming a dream so kind...

I've dreamed some dreams and some nightmares too
but if the nightmares turned out to be real

This dreamer thinks it's safe to say...
Some dreams also come true...

Woven in silvery spider silk thread...
From a kindly spider out back in the shed...
The web of life blows gently in it's celestial winds

The stars are suspended by the dreams of dreamers...

---
May a gentle comforting dream find a lonely heart...

You can't live "completely alone" but you can be socially isolated.

I am alone 90% of the time. Sometimes it's hard but I get through it. We all have our own ways of coping.

When I do have the chance to hang out with my mate, I try to make the most of it, before I head back to being alone.

Hey, Peaches. I'm sorry you feel this way. I've felt this way before and whenever I feel rejected, I try to focus on accomplishing something I want to do no matter how small it is. I'm not sure how much your disability may hinder you, but often, we can accomplish most things alone. Other single people are also more likely to approach you when they see you doing an activity alone. I tried flying a kite (something I never did as a child) which I knew was unusual being an adult without a child, and one person actually approached me in the park and wished me luck. I know focusing on hobbies and interests don't always work, sometimes you just want someone to talk with and appreciate you, but if you've tried and it doesn't work out you still have that time to use. Other people may be secretly in crisis, or they may be enjoying themselves without you, but really, it does not have to affect you forever. Take your time to let out the frustration, cry, yell, etc. I promise it will pass. *hugs*

Don't get bitter Peaches...I still remember that you help and give advice as much as you can on here. Just don't get bitter believe me I feel like when I try and think about my problems it does devolve into bitterness because I haven't managed to change whatever is wrong with me or whatever approach I should be taking to change things. I don't feel it all the time, lately its come back a little but I'm just packing in so much in my day I don't think about being alone. If I go for some coffee alone I just sit practice languages, finish some art work read, anything to help ease the feeling of being isolated.

I lived for a year in a previous city and I really was isolated. I was going crazy as I had no one to hang out with 90% of the time and I retreated back to my room I was renting...I sometimes think I wasted the last year living there as I met no one special or made good friends. I did remember some incredibly positive things I did which made me think it could have been so so much worse.

Living alone is hard and not many people can cut it.

I think that they pull it off because there isnt really any other choice. If you had to do it you could do it too.

kamya said:

I think that they pull it off because there isnt really any other choice. If you had to do it you could do it too.

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I don't know - some days I just don't know

I can understand your pain Peaches, as I am also living alone now after a long term relationship. I also have a mild disability as suffered a stroke last year. I know realise it's not so bad being on your own and realise I can enjoy my own company. Getting a pet really helps as one of the other posters suggested. I have a cat and she's great company! If you're able to walk with your disability, consider getting a dog. You can make friends by just walking a dog as other dog owners will stop and talk.