Do you admit you're lonely?

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J

Jently

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As you go about your daily life do you ever tell anybody how lonely you feel?
I am about as isolated as it's possible to be, at home every day alone and only leaving the house a couple of times a week for shopping.
I have family but they don't live near me so I rarely see them although I do talk to some of them on the phone occasionally but would never dream of saying how lonely I feel.
It seems, for me, to represent some kind of failure as a human to confess loneliness and I think there is a certain stigma attached to it.
Am I wrong to feel this way.............does anyone else feel this way too?
 
Only one person outside this forum ever knew how I felt. I don't think there is as much of a stigma as there used to be. It's becoming more common nowadays. It seems that the problem is when you are around people who don't understand or get it, they make it seem like it is some kind of foreign weird thing. But when you are around people who do understand it doesn't seem so bad.
 
I used to, but after the responses I've gotten, I've learned it's better not to and I don't anymore. I don't seem to come into contact with very many understanding people.
 
I don't tell people either. And it is because of the reaction I get when I did say it. "Oh, you're a good looking guy. You shouldn't be lonely." Or "you're not lonely, you have us."
 
It depends on the sense in which I could be considered lonely. Am I lonely in an absolute definition? No. I live at home with my family, and I also have friends both online and offline. However, in terms of a relationship, I am quite lonely. I try not to bring it up all the time because I don't want to be a downer and push my friends away. But I have talked to them about it before. I haven't received any negative reactions yet. I know what society thinks, but I don't have to impress it, and I don't know what I can do about it anyway. All I can do is be my best.
 
I tell people I'm ALONE all the time, but as I don't really consider myself "lonely," I don't tell people that. Yes, sometimes I do get lonely, but it's few and far between at this point. I'm too busy and my life has too much drama to worry about whether I'm lonely/alone or not.

So yeah, I'm alone, I'm not ashamed or afraid to tell people that. Granted, I don't tell complete strangers because well, I live alone, but you get what I mean. lol
 
Sci-Fi said:
Only one person outside this forum ever knew how I felt. I don't think there is as much of a stigma as there used to be. It's becoming more common nowadays. It seems that the problem is when you are around people who don't understand or get it, they make it seem like it is some kind of foreign weird thing. But when you are around people who do understand it doesn't seem so bad.

It's way more common now. People, kids and adults alike, with their faces in phones and iPads and computers all around... I honestly think it's more accepted today to be alone with electronics. It is the norm today to see people out at dinner, yet still with their phones lighting up their faces.

I don't mind talking about things in general myself. I rarely ever do though for anything, not just if I'm feeling lonely or not, because I either don't want to feel like I'm bothering people or if I feel as though someone doesn't care, I won't bother. I just go on with my day, keep it in, probably think about things too much. There's a hundred things I try not to think about on a daily basis, and I don't to tell someone on a constant basis my troubles.
 
It's difficult to admit to people...even to friends its become hard. No one wants to hear it. They either can't really help or don't know what to say or will brand you as something or rather. I just dont admit it to anyone anymore...I remember last year I was having a really bad bad episode and I called my friend..he helped but I feel like that kind of help cannot be asked for many times.
 
People ask me why I go to places by myself. They don't get it that I have no friends.
They ask me if I want a girlfriend. They ask me if I ever get lonely.
I usually say it doesn't bother me.
 
I very rarely admit that I am lonely. Its easier to confide in friends online. I guess I feel like by telling people, I am basically saying that something is wrong with me because guys dont find me attractive.
 
It doesn't sound too good, although sometimes a hint of vulnerability can go a long way
I would never say that to a guy, because of what Veruca said
 
I think there's a certain stigma to anything out of the ordinary. People are afraid to admit failings, and others are quick to judge for it. The Just World fallacy only makes this worse; if something is wrong it's because you deserve it and brought it on yourself.

As for talking to people I know, I tend not to. I'm fairly private by nature and those I see in my every day life aren't people I want to share with, even if I wish I was better understood in general. I don't know what's really going on with them, either. That's the nature of things with people who are at a distance. The few people I am close to have all had major struggles in their life and can empathize. We're close enough that I trust them far more than I'd trust in my own ingrained shame over not being "normal".

I don't talk much about it online because I feel it attracts predators if you're a woman. I posted a short and very honest bit a few weeks ago, and immediately someone came and tried to go from talking about that to talking about sex. Having people look at my insecurities and vulnerabilities as opportunities when I'm lonely and very much wish for people to actually care is a miserable experience.
 
Tealeaf said:
if something is wrong it's because you deserve it and brought it on yourself.

Just because you brought something on yourself doesn't mean you deserve it.

Although, I think a lot of times people feel they deserve whatever is going on as a punishment for what they feel is wrong with themselves. I know a lot of people that have said they don't feel like they deserve to feel better about themselves or to have a life or friends or to be happy. They are punishing themselves because they feel they deserve to be. That's not anyone else saying that they deserve it or the world saying they deserve it, but the person who is thinking it.
 
I've started to talk about it, but I don't think I choose very well whom to confide in. I get as if they think it's catching or something - I feel they avoid me like a disease! Or maybe it brings up their own loneliness?

I was lonely before I married and to an extent, still am. Therefore it's a significant part of who I am and one of those parts that make me a whole person. They say the whole is more than the sum of its parts.

Because of the length and depth of my loneliness, I feel that I've got a great resource of solitude and personal strength to offer those in need of a friend. I'm more liable to talk about it these days from this viewpoint, rather than one of shame.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Tealeaf said:
if something is wrong it's because you deserve it and brought it on yourself.

Just because you brought something on yourself doesn't mean you deserve it.

Although, I think a lot of times people feel they deserve whatever is going on as a punishment for what they feel is wrong with themselves. I know a lot of people that have said they don't feel like they deserve to feel better about themselves or to have a life or friends or to be happy. They are punishing themselves because they feel they deserve to be. That's not anyone else saying that they deserve it or the world saying they deserve it, but the person who is thinking it.
I think that is the case with me, Callie. It's a frame of mind that's hard to get out of even if it is self imposed to an extent.
 
I don't really have anyone to tell. I get the "you must be bored" comment a few times but I'm too much a miserable dick lately for anyone to want to try and spend time with me. I don't have much in common with this crew anyway.
I must be sending off weird vibes because I've been getting some interesting feedback, but mostly from women or older members. I don't think I'd get much of anywhere telling a guy my age that I was lonely with this crew.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Tealeaf said:
if something is wrong it's because you deserve it and brought it on yourself.

Just because you brought something on yourself doesn't mean you deserve it.

Although, I think a lot of times people feel they deserve whatever is going on as a punishment for what they feel is wrong with themselves. I know a lot of people that have said they don't feel like they deserve to feel better about themselves or to have a life or friends or to be happy. They are punishing themselves because they feel they deserve to be. That's not anyone else saying that they deserve it or the world saying they deserve it, but the person who is thinking it.

Yeah, I've seen that in people who struggle with self-esteem. It's a kind of vicious cycle that keeps itself spinning once it's been set in motion.

There's also a very real way of thinking that's precisely that, though, even if it's only off-handedly implied in many cases. That people who are lonely are so because they're unpleasant, bad, or are lazy and don't really try or care. That there's some kind of cosmic balance thing going on, when the murderer and ex-con around here are living better than many people who've never committed a crime in their life, let alone drowned their wife in a lake.

Seriously... I've got the news articles to prove it and that guy has more offline friends than I do.
 
Triple Bogey said:
They ask me if I ever get lonely.
I usually say it doesn't bother me. :(

In other words you are putting up a brave front.

Veruca said:
I very rarely admit that I am lonely. Its easier to confide in friends online. I guess I feel like by telling people, I am basically saying that something is wrong with me because guys dont find me attractive.

Well, nope. Forget it. Never mind.

Tealeaf said:
I think there's a certain stigma to anything out of the ordinary. People are afraid to admit failings, and others are quick to judge for it.

Isn't that the truth? :(
 
No, I never admit I'm lonely. I wish I could sometimes though. It seems there's a huge stigma to admitting that you're lonely. Like it's a character flaw or a personal failing. It's not, of course, but I also think of the animal in the herd that sticks out and gets eaten and it's often easier to just pretend that one has a busy and full life when the truth is one spends hours online and alone each day. There are many people who are too willing to pounce on others who are vulnerable and being lonely is the ultimate vulnerability.

I admire people who confide they're lonely though. I had a friend who was married but didn't have many friends and her husband didn't spend much time with her. She said "I get lonely" so I made a point of spending more time with her. I have another friend whose husband died in June. She posted on social media a few weeks ago that she still feels lonely and heartbroken (I called her to meet for lunch). I see my daughter feels alone in certain situations and, although she can't always articulate "I feel lonely", I can see it so she gets a little more TLC.

But I think that most people who feel lonely have a hard time saying this to other people

-Teresa
 

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