You ever feel like it's all rigged against you?

Since I got back from Europe I've been trying to make it a big goal to build new social circles and try to meet new people through my existing ones. This has been difficult especially when my old friends are hardly ever in Wellington or have their own stuff going on.

The other night I hungout with this girl who I hadn't really seen in about two years since I finished university. She is attractive and I feel quite comfortable talking with her and like she actually enjoys talking to me. I knew she was seeing someone casually (which is fine, I'm happy just to socialize) but what I didn't know is that in March she is going to the USA for a year. It seems like a blown opportunity for building up a friendship and perhaps even a social circle. Makes me wish I'd got in touch much sooner.

Does anyone else feel like their timing is always wrong when it comes to this?

Sometimes it feels like everything I do is wrong

Finding if I ride the wave ... no deadlines ... no concrete expectations. ...things work out

Oh heck yeah all the time. Sucks when you look back and think, **** if only... And as you get older it gets harder for some.

Paraiyar said:

Does anyone else feel like their timing is always wrong when it comes to this?

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First of all I am sorry this happened to you. I think you deserve better.

This happened once to me when I was in school. I was in the library and some girl came and sat across from me. I thought nothing of it because nothing ever happens for me. Well this time it did and of course I messed it up.

She started smiling at me and wouldn't stop smiling at me. Finally she said hi and she told me that I looked like someone who was very interested in politics. Oh was she wrong and I told her that. I said 'no, not really.'

That didn't stop her from smiling at me. Now here's where I did the stupid thing. I told her I had to get to class or else I would be late. Halfway there I decided to turn around and go and talk to her. She was already gone.

You don't really know what could have been so it's not really that bad of an opportunity to miss. I catch myself making excuses like this sometimes for circumstances making things not work out in my favor, but the reality is usually much more brutal to accept.

I still just have the exact same very small number of close friends from middle school. At this point it's just history holding anything together. If we didn't have that we probably wouldn't end up hanging out.

If I didn't find ways or excuses to explain it away I'd probably be depressed and angry 100% of the time. Loneliness can hurt pretty bad. For me it isn't the game being rigged against me, I'm just undesirable general. Whether the opportunities come up or not it doesn't matter. That has proven to be the case time after time at least. Maybe my 30s will be different. Who knows. Hopefully I'm not too far gone by then.

Nah, honeysuckle happens. And as kamya said, you never really know if you missed anything. honeysuckle can turn into chance in due time. And maybe you'll be glad later on, because that thing you missed before was actually a bullet.

Paraiyar said:

Does anyone else feel like their timing is always wrong when it comes to this?

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Yeah, definitely. I've had that happen more than a few times. I met some girls I was really into a while ago, but my timing was off. They were attractive and fascinating, and it seemed like they enjoyed talking to me too. But they were already really interesting people, while I only wanted to be on their level. To make matters worse, I dragged my feet and took my time, I let myself be intimidated instead of figuring out what I needed to do and just going for what I wanted. Honestly, I should have been working on myself long before I met them. Then I would have been ready. Instead I either thought that I had all the time in the world to improve myself, or that I just couldn't improve myself enough so it didn't matter what I did anyway.

It felt like everything was rigged against me, but looking back, I realize that I rigged it against myself when I chose fear over confidence. I didn't have enough to show for myself and wasn't putting in nearly enough effort to be an interesting, attractive person myself. I've learned that even when you can talk to someone, you still have to show them that you are worth their time. You have to follow through. I used to always complain that I never got any chances, but really, I did have chances. I just sunk myself when I didn't set myself up to take them ahead of time.

I kick myself because I highly doubt I'll ever get another chance as good as them ever again. They aren't like most people. But I keep going by telling myself that I just don't know what could happen, so I should work on myself in the meantime because maybe our paths will cross again and I don't want to be caught unprepared.

As far as things go with your friend, perhaps you should keep in touch with your friend while she's in the USA. Then maybe you can meet up when she gets back.

I feel like I have bad luck, like I am cursed, and I don't believe in curses. Bad things happen to me no matter what, they just do.

Has anyone read Drunkard's Walk? Some people just have it easy, it's just random luck.

TheSkaFish said:

It felt like everything was rigged against me, but looking back, I realize that I rigged it against myself when I chose fear over confidence. I didn't have enough to show for myself and wasn't putting in nearly enough effort to be an interesting, attractive person myself. I've learned that even when you can talk to someone, you still have to show them that you are worth their time.

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We've all had chances. I've had them; at friendships anyway. With all that initial good will I just couldn't figure out why there was never another chance. Guess I was never owed that though..

SkaFish you seem like you'd be more interesting than a good deal of people and besides, plenty of people who do well with very desirable women aren't that interesting to begin with. Are there any avenues open to you right now that you aren't taking because of a lack of confidence? If so then I say bite the bullet and do it.

Paraiyar said:

SkaFish you seem like you'd be more interesting than a good deal of people and besides, plenty of people who do well with very desirable women aren't that interesting to begin with.

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Yeah, a hell of a lot more interesting than someone like myself.

BeyondShy said:

Paraiyar said:

SkaFish you seem like you'd be more interesting than a good deal of people and besides, plenty of people who do well with very desirable women aren't that interesting to begin with.

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Yeah, a hell of a lot more interesting than someone like myself.

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What makes you think you aren't interesting? Are there areas of life you want to learn more about?

Paraiyar said:

What makes you think you aren't interesting? Are there areas of life you want to learn more about?

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Oh, don't get me started now.

I think I am interesting too, contrary to the opinion of everyone in here.

Take you for instance. I didn't know much about you but now after learning about your struggles getting your music to be noticed and how much it really is important to you I have found myself pulling for this to happen for you. So in a sense I became interested in your success here.

I want the best for people here although the same thing will not be said towards me. And are there areas of my life I want to learn more about? Yeah I can say so. How the hell would it feel to go through life not being alone?

I want the best for you. I think a lot of people here do as well.

Paraiyar said:

I want the best for you. I think a lot of people here do as well.

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Thank you! That was a nice thing to say. Although we won't agree on the last part of your statement that was nice to say to me too.

Apparently there is this rule book I am required to adhere to but I am not allowed to look at. They can keep it. -SY

Paraiyar said:

[...]plenty of people who do well with very desirable women aren't that interesting to begin with[...]

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Weird that no one called you out on that.

Xpendable said:

Paraiyar said:

[...]plenty of people who do well with very desirable women aren't that interesting to begin with[...]

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Weird that no one called you out on that.

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???

Paraiyar said:

SkaFish you seem like you'd be more interesting than a good deal of people and besides, plenty of people who do well with very desirable women aren't that interesting to begin with. Are there any avenues open to you right now that you aren't taking because of a lack of confidence? If so then I say bite the bullet and do it.

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Thank you for saying that I seem interesting. I'm curious what makes you think so? Not being interesting enough is something I worry about a lot. And I've also seen guys who aren't that interesting doing well with attractive women. I don't get it.

I think that some girls think I am interesting at first, but I run into problems later because I don't do much, and because I don't do much, I don't have much to talk about. I don't have much of an identity. I'm not working right now and spend a lot of time surfing the Internet trying to solve my problems or just killing time. I spend a lot of time thinking about the various problems I have with things, which doesn't give me much to talk to girls or anyone about really, since talking about problems with people you want to date seems to make them go cold. In addition to working, I feel like I should be doing more hobbies and even reading more, pursuing some kind of skill. I feel the progress makes people interesting, when they gain new knowledge, abilities, or ideas.

I think self-doubt is a big problem of mine. I doubt that I'll get good at anything or that I'll find anything interesting to read and think about or that even if I do get good at things and even if I have something neat to talk about, that women just won't like me anyway because I'm just not good enough. This fear of not being good enough no matter what, is a big part of why I never feel like doing anything.