Women discuss relationship red flags

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Digitales

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There are many, many more.

Such as whether a person has friends of both genders. Are they respected by their friends and family?

How does everyone else react to them?

I couldn't agree more with the video, especially the part about being happy with yourself before dating. A relationship is the icing on the cake, if you don't have a cake, you have nothing to share and will just make a mess on the bench.

A word of advice from me, be who you would want to date.

[video=youtube]
 
MisunderstoodVacancy said:
Would being a Communist be considered a red flag...considering the person actually would have a...literal...red flag? #theimportantquestions

Hehehehehee, that made me laugh. :D

I guess it would depend where you are from and where you live..
 
I don't mean to be salty (and I honestly think most of these seem very reasonable), but I'm legitimately curious. I never really understood the "be happy with yourself until you date someone" mentality. Aren't the vast majority of people naturally insecure? And wanting to better what you have in life is surely a good thing? I mean, I just feel like it's putting too much pressure on a person to say "You shouldn't date anyone until you absolutely love yourself" and if anything can serve as a huge obstacle for people to find relationships, since we're never going to be 100% satisfied with ourselves.

If, however, you're expecting a relationship to solve all your problems and be your only source of happiness, then yes, I absolutely agree, that's wrong and kind of a red flag.
 
MentatsGhoul said:
I don't mean to be salty (and I honestly think most of these seem very reasonable), but I'm legitimately curious. I never really understood the "be happy with yourself until you date someone" mentality. Aren't the vast majority of people naturally insecure? And wanting to better what you have in life is surely a good thing? I mean, I just feel like it's putting too much pressure on a person to say "You shouldn't date anyone until you absolutely love yourself" and if anything can serve as a huge obstacle for people to find relationships, since we're never going to be 100% satisfied with ourselves.

If, however, you're expecting a relationship to solve all your problems and be your only source of happiness, then yes, I absolutely agree, that's wrong and kind of a red flag.

I think most are insecure, but only to an extent. There are people out there who are downright miserable and have affixed every hope for happiness on a relationship. If they get into the relationship, most people like that still have all of their "baggage", and make the partner miserable as well.

There are a lot of people that just don't try in life, for a number of reasons they fixate on relationships, it is probably easier than accepting responsibility for their own life and happiness.

I do think people should love themselves as well, at least enough to care about their own life and happiness. It's not anyone else's job to take care of them.

I have never met anyone that is utterly miserable, only because they are single. There are often other impacting factors and if they don't sort that out, they are probably going to be a burden and the relationship probably won't last. That initial boost of happiness, doesn't last either. Relationships last when you fall in love every time you look into their eyes, every time you wake and every time you think about them.
 
Digitales said:
MentatsGhoul said:
I don't mean to be salty (and I honestly think most of these seem very reasonable), but I'm legitimately curious. I never really understood the "be happy with yourself until you date someone" mentality. Aren't the vast majority of people naturally insecure? And wanting to better what you have in life is surely a good thing? I mean, I just feel like it's putting too much pressure on a person to say "You shouldn't date anyone until you absolutely love yourself" and if anything can serve as a huge obstacle for people to find relationships, since we're never going to be 100% satisfied with ourselves.

If, however, you're expecting a relationship to solve all your problems and be your only source of happiness, then yes, I absolutely agree, that's wrong and kind of a red flag.

I think most are insecure, but only to an extent. There are people out there who are downright miserable and have affixed every hope for happiness on a relationship. If they get into the relationship, most people like that still have all of their "baggage", and make the partner miserable as well.

There are a lot of people that just don't try in life, for a number of reasons they fixate on relationships, it is probably easier than accepting responsibility for their own life and happiness.

I do think people should love themselves as well, at least enough to care about their own life and happiness. It's not anyone else's job to take care of them.

I have never met anyone that is utterly miserable, only because they are single. There are often other impacting factors and if they don't sort that out, they are probably going to be a burden and the relationship probably won't last. That initial boost of happiness, doesn't last either. Relationships last when you fall in love every time you look into their eyes, every time you wake and every time you think about them.

I can agree with all that. A relationship can make all the difference in a person's life, but it will never solve all your problems, and getting into a relationship just to stop yourself from being lonely or miserable is never a good idea. You should only get into a relationship with someone because you actually care for someone.
 
The best dating related advice I ever heard was "Be the person you want to date".
 
Everybody has red flags, it's impossible to be good enough.
That's why it's best not to bother, save yourself all the heartache and disappointment.

Single is BETTER !
 
I can't think of any examples, but I'm sure there are people who got into relationships in a bad state, where it turned out for the better in the end.

And when it comes to abusive relationships.. Often the abusers got their honeysuckle together and manage to impress you.
 
Triple Bogey said:
Everybody has red flags, it's impossible to be good enough.
That's why it's best not to bother, save yourself all the heartache and disappointment.

Single is BETTER !

Single may be better but Kraft Singles are much less healthy than real cheese.

I sincerely hope Kraft sales representatives aren't monitoring this forum I didn't mean to illicit such blatant hate speech...
 
Digitales said:
Such as whether a person has friends of both genders.

Read: if he doesn't already have women in his life, he is not worth knowing...

Digitales said:
Are they respected by their friends and family?

Which isn't necessarily all that different from 'how popular are they'.
 
ardour said:
Digitales said:
Such as whether a person has friends of both genders.

Read: if he doesn't already have women in his life, he is not worth knowing...

Digitales said:
Are they respected by their friends and family?

Which isn't necessarily all that different from 'how popular are they'.

Shhh. No don't you get it yet? She is never wrong. It's all our own fault. Don't make her belete another reply now.
 
I sure as hell wouldn't want to date myself. I needed someone to counter-balance me.
 
ardour said:
Read: if he doesn't already have women in his life, he is not worth knowing...

That's a hyper over simplification and is just one factor that bears on a larger and more complex decision.

If someone is not trusted by any women, there's usually a reason for that. If a male has no female friends, alarm bells go off. Maybe there's a reason for it, as I said, it is just one portion of a larger situation.

ardour said:
Which isn't necessarily all that different from 'how popular are they'.

That depends on how you wish to interpret the statement, and once again another over simplification. Once again, it is a small part of a greater situation.

If someone is disrespected by their peers, or even hated, there could be severe reasons for it.

The intent of the thread is basically information for your consumption. Make of it what you will.
 
VanillaCreme said:
Digitales said:
If a male has no female friends, alarm bells go off.
What if a female has no male friends?

Same thing.

I know one female that has no male friends because she has sex with them all, then drives them away.

All the males I know don't like her, but a couple have slept with her.
 
Digitales said:
If someone is not trusted by any women, there's usually a reason for that. If a male has no female friends, alarm bells go off.

I don't have many female friends right now because one of them just went to the U.S and most of the others have just gone in other directions. If a woman were to judge me based on this and think that it indicated a lack of trust as opposed to them judging me on how I actually act around them then that would make me think they are probably nasty, petty and not worth knowing.

If a woman had no male friends, I wouldn't automatically infer she didn't get on with us, maybe she just had been able to build a social circle with any yet. I wouldn't care as long as she treated me well.
 
Paraiyar said:
If a woman had no male friends, I wouldn't automatically infer she didn't get on with us, maybe she just had been able to build a social circle with any yet. I wouldn't care as long as she treated me well.

Or it could be insecurity. I've known a few women with few-to-no men in their social circles. They're usually very shy and sensitive to any perceived slight.
 

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