What do I do if I get the "I'm too busy" excuse

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African_weasel

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Word salad below

So, I believe that I’m in a position to have an active social/dating life that is not on the internet. The one thing that’s plaguing me right now is what to do when I get hit with the, “I’m busy”, “I have no time”, “I have work” etc. In the past, people have mostly done that to me when I wanted to spend time with them. I.e the girl I mentioned back when I first got on this forum. I noticed that they do this with no other person at all. My goal for now is get into dating before sometime next year aside from me getting a car and living with roommate which was originally going to be me living in a place on my own.

This time I’m in a different setting, I’m working in a warehouse and not in high school anymore, with people who are around my age or slightly older mostly. Some of them are taking classes and have other obligations and what not. However, I plan on asking someone to hang out with me when I’m a little more familiar with them. I’m aiming to spend time with someone at most every other week. Let me know if that order is a little tall.

As far as dating goes, I’m no longer searching for a long term relationship at the moment with a male or female. I have many plans a goals in mind and it will not be a good idea to engage one nor will it last. At this point in time, I’m just looking for something casual and short term or no strings attached (NSA). Although I am still open for something long term. I am going to have to mention that at some point. I am currently doing online dating as well. I tried tinder and I got now responses at all, most because I didn’t have as many good photos of me. The other is OkCupid, I got some views on my profile and sent some messages, with no response, and some people have even like my profile which I can see who because pay wall.

I’m looking for something offline stuff as well. That’s where I’m going to have some trouble in. I’m in an unfamiliar area for the job I have now. I just want some pointers on how to go about that. Like where do I go and what venues would have mostly single women or men and how to avoid getting a number that does not every work? So all in all, how should I respond to people who say they're "busy" and/or won't set a different time for us? Thanks for reading!!

TL;DR I'm getting where I want to go in my life and I thnk I'm ready for a social/dating life.
 
I go on about my day. Whether someone says they're too busy as an excuse or saying it legit, it doesn't matter to me. They've made it clear they won't (currently) set any time aside for me. It's one of those things that would be I asked, they answered, and that's it. It's okay if they're busy. It's okay if they don't want to set time aside for me. They don't have to. I move on with my day.

But how should you respond? I don't know. It depends on how you feel.
 
Paraiyar said:
If they give you that excuse too often then I would just move on from them.

Quite right. Don't waste your valuable time on someone who won't give you the time of day!
 
Abandon the notion of finding someone via online dating. The only thing you'll find in that void of silence, is the odd girl or two that will tell you how 'horny they are, before giving you a porn link. Honestly, I miss the Nigerian scammer days. At least that way, you actually spoke to a person. Actually, dating should never be considered to be a 'goal'. And I think that's where alot of guys find themselves trapped in a downward spiral. I also think the 'nice guy' stereotype has spawned from viewing relationships and dating as a goal, instead of something that just happens.

Coming on 30 with nothing more than 4 drunk kisses in nightclubs, I understand the pain. Like you, I feel I'm where I want to be in life right now. And even then, I'll often sit here alone in this unit I rent, dwelling on the emptiness that only a lover could fill. Despite the urge to actively try and fill that gap, there's actually not much you can do outside of just making friends. People will often say, 'just be yourself'. What they should say is, 'stop giving a honeysuckle'. People will quite often come into your life when you're at your most unguarded. All you can do, is just keep on keeping on. Maybe a partner will come into your life.....

BUT! This is going to be a bitter pill to swallow, but there is a good chance that you'll never actually meet a romantic partner in your lifetime. This probably won't be your fault. Rather, it's a sign of the times we live in. As guys, we are generally held up to an impossible standard by a generation that refuses to compromise. On top of that, the options for self-fullfilment are endless, and within instant grasp.
 
Red_Wedding_Casualty said:
Abandon the notion of finding someone via online dating. The only thing you'll find in that void of silence, is the odd girl or two that will tell you how 'horny they are, before giving you a porn link. Honestly, I miss the Nigerian scammer days. At least that way, you actually spoke to a person. Actually, dating should never be considered to be a 'goal'. And I think that's where alot of guys find themselves trapped in a downward spiral. I also think the 'nice guy' stereotype has spawned from viewing relationships and dating as a goal, instead of something that just happens.

Coming on 30 with nothing more than 4 drunk kisses in nightclubs, I understand the pain. Like you, I feel I'm where I want to be in life right now. And even then, I'll often sit here alone in this unit I rent, dwelling on the emptiness that only a lover could fill. Despite the urge to actively try and fill that gap, there's actually not much you can do outside of just making friends. People will often say, 'just be yourself'. What they should say is, 'stop giving a honeysuckle'. People will quite often come into your life when you're at your most unguarded. All you can do, is just keep on keeping on. Maybe a partner will come into your life.....

BUT! This is going to be a bitter pill to swallow, but there is a good chance that you'll never actually meet a romantic partner in your lifetime. This probably won't be your fault. Rather, it's a sign of the times we live in. As guys, we are generally held up to an impossible standard by a generation that refuses to compromise. On top of that, the options for self-fullfilment are endless, and within instant grasp.

Yeah, people these days see compromise as meaning they lost when you really didn't. That's why I'm not really trying not to stress anything long term. As far as not ever meet a romantic partner I see that as not really putting any effort in and having a assuming the worst from people and putting artificial barriers which is totally in their control (i.e. I don't make enough money, I'm too fat, I don't have x.). I used to be like that and I'm slowly working my way out of that mindset
 
If someone says they are busy, they aren't interested. If a girl likes you, you would know.

I advise all guys to get over women. If you refuse to, then you'll have to settle for someone you don't find as attractive. Even then, many of those women also have very high standards.

Get off online dating, get off facebook, and focus on yourself. I mean really, what do these people have to offer you except for absurdly undeserved egos and some nice chemical feelings? The world has changed. Even if you do manage to get in a relationship, she's either going to drive you crazy until you break up with her, or she'll cheat on you and leave. Then you'll be devastated over a moron. Don't waste your time.
 
I found out a "friend" that constantly cancelled and rescheduled on me because she was "too busy" would make time to spend with others.

If someone really wanted to spend time with you - they would. No matter how busy they are!

This is coming from an incredibly busy person that has flipped and rescheduled multiple times to make time for that "friend".

Don't waste time and there is the saying..."Don't make someone a priority in your life when they make you an option in there's."
 
Menorahman said:
I advise all guys to get over women. If you refuse to, then you'll have to settle for someone you don't find as attractive. Even then, many of those women also have very high standards.

. . . Even if you do manage to get in a relationship, she's either going to drive you crazy until you break up with her, or she'll cheat on you and leave. Then you'll be devastated over a moron. Don't waste your time.

Other than being ridiculous, I find these statements hilarious. Reasons why people are single...
 
The "I'm too busy" excuse is a load of crap. They just don't want to hang out with you. Dump them and move on.
 
VanillaCreme said:
Menorahman said:
I advise all guys to get over women. If you refuse to, then you'll have to settle for someone you don't find as attractive. Even then, many of those women also have very high standards.

. . . Even if you do manage to get in a relationship, she's either going to drive you crazy until you break up with her, or she'll cheat on you and leave. Then you'll be devastated over a moron. Don't waste your time.

Other than being ridiculous, I find these statements hilarious. Reasons why people are single...

Reality is pretty ridiculous.
 
The "busy" excuse is a commonly used one - though I do admit that for some people it can be pretty legit. Not many people have a good sense of time management, and more often than not, we tend to let slip things we don't see in front of our eyes on a daily basis. As they say, out of sight, out of mind. It's not easy to keep up and to maintain friendships and relationships, especially when one has a lot on their plate... but if spending time with other people and consistently going out with others constitute to what their plate consists of, then that's a different story altogether.

You should be able to know if the "busy" excuse is a legit one or just, purely an excuse. In that case, I'd say move on cos they would consider spending time with you if you really mattered that much to them.
 
I am on the page as most who say move on. If they are "too busy" and don't offer another time (whether specified or not), just move on and don't offer again until they ask you to spend time. And if you'd like to spend the time at that point, sure. No need to play a game of retaliation if you're sincerely interested. But don't feel bad if you no longer are sincerely interested. That's just as fair as them not being originally.
 
Just a quick update, I'm going to a Reddit meet up in Newport, Kentucky. Asked someone if they would want to go with me that Saturday but they had to be out of town. The other person I had in mind have to work that day. Right now I am just doing my best to focus on getting my Ohio driving permit and start on my way to getting my license and then getting a car that I've wanted to get for the longest time to the point where I'm just going to get a small loan for it when I get the chance. I've also had an interview with a marketing group here in Ohio. I've been really anxious and been looking at their website and wondering if whether or not I'm going to get the call back the week they said they would. They said on their ad listing that they just moved into the building and hiring for all entry-level positions with a chance of advancement.

Negative thoughts here:
Really I just want somebody that I can sad with. I know that it sound weird but I am just really desperate to have someone in my life that will fill the "girlfriend" part of my life that I feel like is missing. I pretty much don't care whether or not I actually like that person just as long as I can tolerate them. I've been doing everything I can to distract me from thinking about it but the more I do so the more it intensifies. It does not help that I see people together and look happy while I pretend to be as such. Often times I can't help but wonder shy it's so easy for them and not for me. I just wonder what I have to do to get there aside from begging. Overall, I just miss having friend that are not over the internet. I thought I would have new friends sooner but somebody's action had to get in the way of mine. I feel like it had delayed my plans so much that I have to have very little to no contact with them and that person has become an inconvenience for me. I also cannot deal with and make time for the people who hate me for the success I am having and having a better outcome than them. I hate how people would let a piece of paper that has no inherent value rule their lives.

I'm just going to end it here for now. Sorry for the emotional text dump. As well as a whole wall of text in general. It was just something on my mind that Just wanted to get out there. I hope you guys understand and can empathize with me.
 
You want someone to be sad with? Geez, I'd run as far away from that as I could...
 
Wel problem starts from your mind ,if a person will see you weak or untrusthy will said to you that its busy .You must gain self confidence and to be confident and the the person will make time for youn
 

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