Don't wanna feel this way but don't wanna let go

First of all Hi to everyone... I'm new here and couldn't wait to get this all out I hope I don't ramble too much

So there's this guy who I've been chatting with for a few months now. Well it started off in a group chat setup and eventually we started chatting privately. I'd been on that particular chat group for about 2 years or so but hadn't met him before and we really kinda clicked once we got messaging. Anyway... over the last 2-3 months, I've been talking almost exclusively to him. Our chats are not romantic in nature at all (which is fine) but we do spend a lot of time together and have lots in common, including family situations etc so he's easy to relate to.
We live on different continents and so there's a big time difference (+6 hours). There was a time when we 1st started chatting that we would chat pretty much throughout the day as he was between jobs (he works on a contractual basis) but when he does have work we chat whenever we get the opportunity.
Over the past 3 weeks, he hasn't been working so naturally, i expect to see more of him. But for some reason, since of late, he only comes online when he knows I won't be there. I usually login on my office pc when I get to work (around 8 am) and then maybe when i get home (around 5pm) but he either messages me right before I leave work or just before I reach work so by the time I see his message, he's gone. When he does login when I'm around he is doing something else like watching a movie or something. This may be my problem but I don't like talking to people when they are preoccupied because when I'm talking to someone, my attention is on them and I have made that clear to him.
Anyway... at this point I think I'm so desperate for some human contact that I sit here at my PC waiting for him. Sometimes I make up my find thinking "No I'm not going online tonight, let him come by and wait for me for once" But I always just end up logging in and when we start talking my doubts disappear. And then I'm back again to square one the next day, waiting on him, waiting for him to say something.

I'm just so sick of being this desperate,clingy girl. Before I met him I was fine... I mean I didn't have any super close relationships but that also meant that I had fewer expectations and my time was my own, you know. It just really sucks that I've reached a point where I'd give up things like going out etc if it meant that we could talk. Anyway... I feel like such a loser And I don't want to feel that way but I don't want to let him go either because apart from the chat room, i have no other way to contact him so if I stop talking to him on chat and he leaves and I change my mind, I will never be able to find him. I also know if that happens, he won't look for me even though he has enough info to find me easily.

I'm being stupid aren't I? I should just chuck it up and leave

Having had online type relationships before I can only give you my opinion based on my experiences. The amount of unhappiness you will get from this will probably far outweigh the good that comes with it and eventually you'll probably look back on this period of your life and regret that you didn't use this time differently.

And like I said, that is all just my opinion based on my anecdotal experience, nothing more. I could be entirely wrong about your situation. I definitely wouldn't want to sound like I'm just dismissing the value that you place on him. Regardless, I hope you figure out what the right answer is for you.

I don't think you're being stupid at all. Maybe just too attached to one person.

Why do you have to only talk to him? Talk to other people, talk to new people. We have a chat room here you could try out, if you're interested. I think you are focusing too much of your attention on one person and that's where your problems lie. You would do one thing, so you expect him to do the same thing, but while that's good in a perfect world, this is anything but a perfect world. When I'm online, it's pretty much guaranteed I'm multitasking. I have too much to do to only do ONE thing, so I have to. That doesn't mean I don't listen to someone and understand what they are saying though. Honestly, it sounds like you put this guy up on a pedestal and now that pedestal is crashing down on you. Take a step back, focus on yourself and other things.

Paraiyar said:

Having had online type relationships before I can only give you my opinion based on my experiences. The amount of unhappiness you will get from this will probably far outweigh the good that comes with it and eventually you'll probably look back on this period of your life and regret that you didn't use this time differently.

And like I said, that is all just my opinion based on my anecdotal experience, nothing more. I could be entirely wrong about your situation. I definitely wouldn't want to sound like I'm just dismissing the value that you place on him. Regardless, I hope you figure out what the right answer is for you.

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Thanks for your response Paraiyar

TheRealCallie said:

I don't think you're being stupid at all. Maybe just too attached to one person.

Why do you have to only talk to him? Talk to other people, talk to new people. We have a chat room here you could try out, if you're interested. I think you are focusing too much of your attention on one person and that's where your problems lie. You would do one thing, so you expect him to do the same thing, but while that's good in a perfect world, this is anything but a perfect world. When I'm online, it's pretty much guaranteed I'm multitasking. I have too much to do to only do ONE thing, so I have to. That doesn't mean I don't listen to someone and understand what they are saying though. Honestly, it sounds like you put this guy up on a pedestal and now that pedestal is crashing down on you. Take a step back, focus on yourself and other things.

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Well I do talk to other people too, it's just that it's come to a point where I I come online to talk to him and talking to anyone else is just to kind of while away the time. I suppose that's mostly down to the fact that he's the only person with whom I have actually clicked with on that chatroom. I understand the fact that maybe I am being unreasonable when it comes to wanting him to give his complete attention to me, in fact reading this is making me think I'm being silly
But, I guess as hard as it is for me to hear it, deep down I know that you are probably right when you say that I am focusing too much on him. It makes me regret ever meeting him sometimes because I didn't have to worry about stuff like this before.

Thanks for your response btw

You are clinging on to a person who no longer values you.

I've been in online relationships before and I agree with the second post, the unhappiness and pain far outweigh the good times.

My suggestion would be to try and leave the guy alone. Try to do other things. Also don't rely on just one chatroom. There are lots of chatrooms, dating sites, etc. Find another medium to meet people and try to find something that makes you happy.

You should never forget your own value. In valuing someone else, you should never forget that you are worthwhile too. And if this guy doesn't see it, that's his problem.

You're not being stupid,you just got very emotionally attached to this person.

You create your own value,nobody else. Create the kind of life that you want,go out and do things for yourself,keep yourself busy. Chat to other people.

Trust that's what's for you will not pass you by.

If this guy was that in to you,and he was worth keeping in the first place,he wouldn't mind how much you contact him,unless it's all the time,in which case he's probably going to think you're a bit of a stalker.

Thanks for your responses.. SO I did take Callie's advice and started talking to other people in the chatroom, people I had been speaking to before I met him. I also have tried to not go online as much as I used to and it really has helped. I guess I had to come to the realization that it was a little unfair of me to expect certain things from him, he doesn't owe me anything. So now I go online when i feel like it, talk to people and log out, don't hang around waiting for him. If he does happen to come online when I'm there we chat but I make sure that I'm not giving up doing stuff just to talk to him (like my sleep )

Sp anyway, thanks for the replies again

Sory for you to dizapoint you but in my opinion you lose your time online and plus its from another continent .Find someone in real life