Am I a loner by chose? Yes and No

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ihabl

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I enjoy being by myself. When I'm at a social gathering I count down to when it's appropriate to go home. I've been like this as long as I can remember. Missed out on a lot but did what I wanted to do. When I do converse with people I can get intense. My wife thinks this is why people don't like to talk to me. I'm a pretty open person but I do know when I know what I'm talking about and when others don't and this is when I can get intense. I have tried to grow in this area and I think I have but I can still be too much for people. I wish I wasn't so socially awkward.
 
It's not really a choice when other people choose to reject and make dealing with them impossible, because they can.
 
You surely have a right to be as self-limiting in your socializing as you wish to be. It is perfectly valid to have only one or two friends, or even no friends at all, provided that's what you want. Personally, I hate going to rooms full of people I don't know, where the main purpose is socializing.

If I have to interact with total strangers, I try to let my curiosity take over. I decide NOT to inform anyone of anything regardless of what I know, and just take an interest in the other person. Unless they ask. Since this is really irritating if the other person is talking about something you know about and they are just plain wrong, I try to get curious about people who have an entirely different knowledge base from me.

This can actually be fun. Socializing with a purpose.
 
i dunno, a common theme in my mind is social compatibility, and different types of personalities that people have. you might just have a personality that is compatible with few people. i don't know how you would go about finding and meeting people who accept and like you traits and mannerisms, but i have the same problem. i've noticed that, in my case, i'm not compatible with people who are a lot like me. very soft-spoken and quiet at first, then stubborn, high maintenance and unaffectionate i guess. all negative honeysuckle. but hey, there's too many people in the world to not be compatible with anyone
 
I think some of us prefer to talk to have deeper conversations. However, the reality is that a lot of people really don't want to discuss the deeper issues of life. Or, get into debates, arguments, developing their points, etc. There is nothing wrong with you that you enjoy an intense debate or conversation. However, you might want to consider time, place and context. Most people want to socialize as a break from their daily grind. They don't want to debate, think deeply or argue. They want to simply laugh, joke and make small talk and pleasantries. I also find that very unsatisfying. But, i have learned over the years to embrace those moments with others and have a good chuckle about The Bachelor or the sports team or whatever the flavor of the month is. Give yourself permission to just be light and carefree during that time. Then, find people of like mind where you can have those kinds of intense discussions.
 
Im not interested in being a social person, i feel loner because i dont have a partner so i cant answer your question with a yes or no.
Im a social loner by choice: yes
Im a loner (how i feel) by choice: no.
 
there is no hope said:
It's not really a choice when other people choose to reject and make dealing with them impossible, because they can.

This.

I'm part of a volunteering group, every Tuesday I go down, but its more of a social gathering, I care 0% about the honeysuckle we do, ive got awards and don't even give a crap about it, I just go cause I'm lonely and try to learn social skills.

what usully happens is I go, sit down, talk to no one, get upset and frustrated in my inability to interact, go home in a bad mood.
I'll have to grow some balls to make a difference tomorrow.

Key is to not get affected by negative responses, what you do matters, no-one else.
 
yes and no. Yes I choose to be alone. there are certain physical and mental things I have to work out before I can have any sort of relationships, so I'll be alone for quite some time
 
I think you are a little to comfortable try letting out your comfort zone do things that make you feel umconfortable and you will change it
 
No. If I really had no problems with being alone I wouldn't seek out a forum like this. I'm introverted (big surprise...) and don't feel a constant need to be among people, but spending too much time alone and not fitting in...is not so great.
 
i find most of what your average human does as mundane so I have not much in common with them.
 

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