Loneliness and hobbies

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Treelooney

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I definitely think that hobbies can help with the problem of loneliness. However, you have to pick the right ones.

About 22 years ago, I decided to throw away my TV set, in a serious bid to get more friends and improve my life. I came home from work, unplugged the TV, took the back off, and did some serious damage to the wiring, making it useless except for scrap value. I then carried it outside and threw it in the dustbin.

Unfortunately, disposing of my TV did not really improve my life. I have tried to find new hobbies, but most of them just resulted in more loneliness.

For instance, I am not a bad chess player, and I have the potential to be better. I sometimes enter chess tournaments, and tend to do reasonably well. In my last chess tournament, I came equal fourth. However, if you want to really improve your chess, you have to study and practise at home, either from a book, or a computer program. And guess what - that is very lonely. It also seems like sacrilege to stay in and study chess in this beautiful summer weather in England right now.

At one time I was determined to learn to play the piano. I bought a piano from E-Bay, and each night after work I was sitting down for a couple of hours, practising. I signed up with a teacher, but he was the only person I was seeing, once a week. Sure, I learned a bit, but it was very lonely.

Likewise model making - I am good with my hands, but making a model of a ship or aeroplane - well, you just do it on your own. Other hobbies I've tried have the same problem.

You may say, what about sporting hobbies? Well, I am now nearly 58 years old, so not as fit as I once was (but I am fit for my age, I think). I did try scuba diving, but it was a disaster, and I didn't get through the training course.

My latest idea is to try something like hill walking or rock climbing/scrambling. I don't know whether it will come to fruition.

Did anyone find that a new hobby helped them to make friends? If so, I would be interested to hear about it.

My very best wishes to all on the board.

William.
 
I have a positive hobby experience, Treelooney. I took up beekeeping two and a half years ago (at the age of 61). It hasn't led to any real relationships but it has led to multiple acquaintances and many meetings of new to me people. I'm in a newly formed club and I attend a once-a-month beekeeping class at a local community college. And i sell my honey (..as well as home baked bread..) at the Saturday's Farmers Market.

OK, my life is still pretty lacking in cheer and pleasantry but there are more bright parts to it than there were. And honeybees are utterly fascinating! I've always been keen on nature study anyway.

Also I've been offered a position as assistant instructor in the beginning beekeeping class. Of course, I'm not really qualified, but just being offered the chance is one of those bright parts.

Actually, the only real downside is being stung a few times every week.
 
I have found that my hobbies have helped me to get out more and to meet people. However, most of the friendships are 'group friendships' and do not really go much beyond the group.
Having said this, it is still better than sitting on my own at home all the time.
 
Me and my lovely lady surrounds ourselves with hobbies since we both don't have many friends. We love jet skiing and building models together. We are currently taking a class on how to make the perfect bag of microwave popcorn.
 
I just do what i want to do. I am 51. I pretty much have given up on making friends. It is me, DH and my kids against the world. I focus on that.
 
Good hobbies don't bring me friends, but I do hit what they call "flow". When that happens I'm so engrossed with what I'm doing that the loneliness is, for that moment, gone. I used to go to a karate class, but that school closed, and the others I've tried since are a bit controlling, so I'm taking a break from that. At the time, I really enjoyed donning my uniform, heading to a scenic cliff at a local park on a beautiful day, and practicing during sunrise. When I was out there, I wasn't lonely. Same for violin practice. I've been learning for five months, and while playing loneliness just disappears. For all that, I think hobbies are a great pursuit.
 
I started collecting board games years ago in the hope of getting people to the table. I got some employees at my old call center job interested in light games during breaks. I then networked through them to start a gaming group. They wanted to play D&D. I invited them to my place.

The DM came with a campaign that was about fighting zombies. I'm not a big fan of zombies or hack n slash, but I wanted to try the comradery. The experience became mired in sexual humor. I eventually said we have to put an end to the sexuality. That was the end of the group. The DM came over one last time to show me Conker's Bad Fur Day, which was awful, and beat me severely at chess. I'm not very good. He was trained by his father, who was a master, since 5. He immediately sacrificed his queen.
 
Thank you all very much for your kind replies. They have been read, and they are appreciated.

Best wishes to you all.

William.
 
I wanted to say that I have a few hobbies similar to the ones you mentioned, Treelooney.

I used to be really good at chess as a kid and would play all the time, usually with my family. I had this computer game that had a creative medieval storyline woven into it while teaching the player just about everything one needs to know about chess. I also had a book by Josh Waitzkin that taught me a lot of the same useful strategies and rules. It’s been a long time since I’ve played the game and I’ve never been to a chess tournament. I think I might still want to consider going to one as I imagine it’d be a great way to meet people.

What do you make your models out of? I like to make action figures with my Legos and am trying to make stop-motion videos with them so I can put them on YouTube and gain some publicity. Legos are one of the few toys that you can play with whether you’re 6 years old or 86 years old; there are so many things you can make with them. I would put my models in county fairs and people would notice them and give me acclaim for them.

I like to perform, which has been the main source of my being able to meet people. I have a little electric piano keyboard that I self-taught. I’m not very good at it, but it’s fun to play around with the different built-in instrument functions that it has, and once in a while I’ll write a song and go perform it at open mic nights. I also like to act and perform in local stage theatre productions when I can, which has enabled me to meet a lot of potential friends. One guy I met through stage theatre invited me to a little concert he was playing in last night (he plays the ukulele). It would have been fun if we had shared more of our music with each other, but unfortunately I’m moving this weekend. However, it’s only a couple of hours away so maybe we can still keep in touch and get together to work on some music.

I guess my advice would be that maybe you could try to promote and publicize your talents where possible, such as your piano playing or your models or whatever. The more you get out and do it, the better your chances of being noticed and meeting like-minded people.
 
When I moved cross country I found myself starting life over. All of the sudden I had no friends and didn't know anyone. As far as hobbies I was good in sports but didn't see myself hanging around parks trying to get pick up basketball games to make friends. I then did lots of research and came across meetup.com This is a very very good site. It's basically every hobbyy and sport group you can think of in one site. Organizers put events such as hiking trips or photography sessions and go out and do them. What I personally did is pay the yearly cost (which is not much forgot the exact amount) and made my own group. Now it did take some effort and advertising but found myself with so many like minded individuals who loved and shared the same passion as me. True not everyone will join to make friends and there will always be dead weight in the group. But, because of this site I made so many good contacts and got to explore the city. Years passed and I am still in contact with few of the guys in my group. So for starters I will definitely recommend this to everyone. If you have the time make your own group and take your own path but there are plenty of other groups on there that will spark everyone interest. Good luck everyone !
 
The atheist board gaming and atheist vegetarian meetups are far off in the big city. I neither have the time nor the suspension.
 
Outside of talking to people around the apartments (we have a "movie night", which is generally for kids and parents), I play games online. Some players want to be the best and play in tournaments, but most I know just want to relax and will stop to show new players around.

Chess probably has many of the same people who play it as a pastime and don't mind if someone doesn't spend a significant amount of time studying, as long as they're fun to play and talk to. Don't know if chess clubs are a thing anymore or what they're like, though. I played chess when I was growing up, but mostly with my family and teachers. I was never in chess club or tournaments like my brother was.
 
WrongDecision said:
When I moved cross country I found myself starting life over. All of the sudden I had no friends and didn't know anyone. As far as hobbies I was good in sports but didn't see myself hanging around parks trying to get pick up basketball games to make friends. I then did lots of research and came across meetup.com This is a very very good site. It's basically every hobbyy and sport group you can think of in one site. Organizers put events such as hiking trips or photography sessions and go out and do them. What I personally did is pay the yearly cost (which is not much forgot the exact amount) and made my own group. Now it did take some effort and advertising but found myself with so many like minded individuals who loved and shared the same passion as me. True not everyone will join to make friends and there will always be dead weight in the group. But, because of this site I made so many good contacts and got to explore the city. Years passed and I am still in contact with few of the guys in my group. So for starters I will definitely recommend this to everyone. If you have the time make your own group and take your own path but there are plenty of other groups on there that will spark everyone interest. Good luck everyone !
Yep that's all good but if you do set up a group and it doesn't just have to be for one activity...could be art, photography, necrophilia..whatever you wish all contained within the same one group ....you will get the 'joiners' these are people who simply join and are often members of many other meetup groups.20,30, in one case 60...they will never attend your group and will push up your fee...the basic fee is around £12.00
a month for 50 members....get shot of any 'joiners' just as soon as they appear and it could well work for you.
 
sothatwasmylife said:
WrongDecision said:
When I moved cross country I found myself starting life over. All of the sudden I had no friends and didn't know anyone. As far as hobbies I was good in sports but didn't see myself hanging around parks trying to get pick up basketball games to make friends. I then did lots of research and came across meetup.com This is a very very good site. It's basically every hobbyy and sport group you can think of in one site. Organizers put events such as hiking trips or photography sessions and go out and do them. What I personally did is pay the yearly cost (which is not much forgot the exact amount) and made my own group. Now it did take some effort and advertising but found myself with so many like minded individuals who loved and shared the same passion as me. True not everyone will join to make friends and there will always be dead weight in the group. But, because of this site I made so many good contacts and got to explore the city. Years passed and I am still in contact with few of the guys in my group. So for starters I will definitely recommend this to everyone. If you have the time make your own group and take your own path but there are plenty of other groups on there that will spark everyone interest. Good luck everyone !
Yep that's all good but if you do set up a group and it doesn't just have to be for one activity...could be art, photography, necrophilia..whatever you wish all contained within the same one group ....you will get the 'joiners' these are people who simply join and are often members of many other meetup groups.20,30, in one case 60...they will never attend your group and will push up your fee...the basic fee is around £12.00
a month for 50 members....get shot of any 'joiners' just as soon as they appear and it could well work for you.

It's been a while not sure on current prices? Agree about the non joiners and people that just like to click on groups just for the fun of it. Out of the 150+ I had in mine only about 70 if that showed up here and there. But, for a guy who didn't now one person that's 70 new people to interact with. I wouldn't suggest it for everyone though which is why I noted it's work and requires funds. Nothing wrong with browsing around and joining other well established groups. For example one guy I keep contact with still has a hiking group and his turn around is impressive he has over 500+ and always gets maxed on trips. Either way its a great source and hope some check it out if looking for outlet to meet others.
 
I used to be really good at chess as a kid and would play all the time, usually with my family. I had this computer game that had a creative medieval storyline woven into it while teaching the player just about everything one needs to know about chess. I also had a book by Josh Waitzkin that taught me a lot of the same useful strategies and rules. It’s been a long time since I’ve played the game and I’ve never been to a chess tournament. I think I might still want to consider going to one as I imagine it’d be a great way to meet people.

Thanks for your reply. Sounds like you are a good player. Unfortunately going to tournaments is not such a good way to meet people, from my experience. When you play someone you can analyse the game afterwards (in a different room) but often there is a large age difference. Also there are almost no women in chess, which is not very good for a straight guy like me. Here in England, from my experience, only about 2% of tournament chess players are women. I do not know why this is.

What do you make your models out of? I like to make action figures with my Legos and am trying to make stop-motion videos with them so I can put them on YouTube and gain some publicity. Legos are one of the few toys that you can play with whether you’re 6 years old or 86 years old; there are so many things you can make with them. I would put my models in county fairs and people would notice them and give me acclaim for them.

Sounds good! I have had a go at a few airfix models, which are plastic. Nothing too elaborate. Yeah, it would be really great to get a bit of acclaim for them. It's almost like oxygen. But to get that, you have to be good and spend a lot of time on them.

I guess my advice would be that maybe you could try to promote and publicize your talents where possible, such as your piano playing or your models or whatever. The more you get out and do it, the better your chances of being noticed and meeting like-minded people.

Thank you for your kind advice and your reply, which is appreciated.

Chess probably has many of the same people who play it as a pastime and don't mind if someone doesn't spend a significant amount of time studying, as long as they're fun to play and talk to. Don't know if chess clubs are a thing anymore or what they're like, though. I played chess when I was growing up, but mostly with my family and teachers. I was never in chess club or tournaments like my brother was.

Here in England I think the chess clubs have gone downhill a lot. Membership is down to about half of what it was 20 years ago. I guess with the internet, a lot of people just stay in and play online instead of going to the club. Also, like I say, there are almost no women in chess. You can turn up to a tournament, and find 25 men and no women.

All replies to my posts are read and appreciated. Thank you.

William.
 
Hi Treeloony,

I also live in England, did you see the recent meteor showers the past few nights? I really wanted to see them but I have just got into a sleep pattern this week which I am desperate to keep if I want to improve my life. I also know the rules to chess, I like the game but do not study it, and I take the loneliness a step further with regards to online chess by only playing by myself vs the AI, I would be happy to play some with you, if you would also be happy and have the spare time to do so.
 

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