Wrong Decision

As you can all see my nick name Wrong Decision is one I chose because I truly believe it fits me as a person. All throughout my life from high school, to college, to girlfriends, to jobs, to marriage I have always and I mean always made the wrong decisions. So much regret and wish I could go back moments in my life I dont even know where to start? I honestly think I can write multiple books with all that I been through with all the wrong decisions I made. So here is my story and sorry if it's wrong but I guess it's time I share it with the world.

It all began after a divorce from my first wife. Again another wrong decision I made in life but then again its one that everyone seems to make these days. Getting married young and thinking everything will be perfect. Long story short after 5 years my x and I called it quits. No children were involved and no big financial decisions so we actually had a very civil and easy divorce. Right after my divorce I met the girl of my dreams on a dating site. She was close to perfect but with a big flaw. The flaw wasn't even the fact that she was cross country from me. I was on the east coast and she was on the west. She was so beautiful that most models in today's world would be jealous of her. She was tall, brunet, curvy, with the most perfect smile. As they say though when someone or something looks to good to be true there is hidden story. Well she had that story and it was deep and dark. This girl Ayla lets call her suffered from depression. Not only that but she also hurt herself from all the pain. From our many phone conversations she use to tell me about times where she would cut herself because the pain was so bad. She would tell me she was lost and pain at times was to hard to bare. I believe 99.99999% of guys right after that conversation would hang up delete her from the list and run. I mean this girl had such a dark side that for a split second I thought no way can she ever see light at the end of the tunnel. She seemed to be lost soul and one that may never find herself.

My grandmother use to once tell me that I have a big heart. God rest her soul she was right. Because no matter all these big dark secrets of this girl I decided to stand by her side and talk to her in hopes she would one day appreciate life and know the real meaning of love. We would talk for hours, days, and nights. I cell phone bill was close to a mortgage payments with all the texts and calls. I even switched providers just so I can have unlimited minutes and texts to talk to her. Days, nights, months, and even years went by. I was always there for her no matter what. When that phone rang I would drop everything and run just so I can hear her voice and make sure she's okay. Along our time on the phone I started to see changes. She was always so happy and cheerful when talking to me. She would thank me all the time noting I am her angel and have taken her out of the dark. A time came where she even said I love you and honestly I was well over head over heels for this girl. Ayla was the one for me and no one else could replace her. She was the one I wanted to meet and one day start a family with. Nothing or no one was going to change that.

Like all happy days come the sad. I first booked my flight to go see her a little over a year past. This was it I thought I can finally meet the girl of my dreams. When she found out her reaction was very strange. She simply told me she wasn't ready for me and to please cancel my trip for another time. I was heart broken and confused. As hard as it was I canceled my trip just for her well being. A week went by and we didn't talk. Still lost in my own little world wondering what I did wrong. Then a call came in and it was her. Ayla was pleading for me to forgive her. Telling me the time was off and promised we will meet soon but not now. Somehow and someway I found myself to forgive her.

Fast forward few months down the road I was once again ready to finally make this trip to meet the girl of my dreams. I still recall if it was yesterday sitting in that airplane on my way to go see her. I was nervous, happy, and very anxious. When I finally landed the first thing I did was take out my phone and call her. But, no one picked up on the other line. I called her again and again but nothing but voice mail. I once again found myself confused and heart broken. Where could have this girl gone? She knew I was coming so where is she? For a full day I waited with the phone in my hand. Suddenly I got a call and rushed to answer. But, it wasn't her but her sister. She told me she has some sad news and that Ayla was taken to a clinic over night. She told me about a altercation between some guy she was dating that ended to be physical. She told me she was in a really bad situation and requested to go to the clinic as she couldnt face me and that she sorry.

I felt as if my world had ended. Everything I've done and tried to do was all to a complete waste. This one girl that I poured my heart to in hopes to one day meet was just simply not meant to be. No matter how much I wanted it to be and God did I ever it just wasn't meant to be. Like a zombie for the rest of my week long vacation I wondered why? Why me and what did I do wrong? I arrived back home more heart broken then ever before. Not knowing what to do next I quickly looked for an outlet to fill my void. This by far the biggest mistake I had made in life. I quickly met someone else and before you know it found myself dating her but with Ayla always in my mind.

A phone call came in one night and there was silence. I knew right away that it was her. I asked Ayla to speak and to talk to me. About a minute or two into the phone call she did. She told me she was sorry and I deserve better. She told me everything I didnt want to hear. That I can do better and to move on. As hard as it was I told her I will and I already found someone else to move on with.

One year later here I am married to a girl who filled my void and to a girl who promised to give me the world. Five years passed and I got a sudden email from Ayla. Not sure how she found me but she did. She told me she is now married also and has a son. Lost and confused I didn't know if I should be happy for her or mad that she never gave me a chance?

Ayla may have moved on with her life and new family but I honestly know I didn't. Till this day I question myself what if? Till this day I ask myself what if I didn't listen to her the first time and made that trip? What if I didn't rush into finding another girl right away and just gave her time? How would my life be today?

Truth of the matter is I'm not happily married, I dont like my 8-5 job, I'm trapped in debt a house I didn't want, and living a life that I forced myself to live just to forget about Ayla. But, I simply can't forget about her. No matter what I do I can't get this girl out of my head. It's almost as if she hypnotized me. Easier said then done I have to walk away and not look back. I have at times moved forward but no matter what I still look back and I still find myself asking what if.

Ayla could be your "soulmate" so to speak, but she could just as easily be someone who ignited your knight in shining armor mode. Gotta save the girl and all that. Or she could even be just someone who you won't let go of because that might mean you have nothing left. Honestly, I don't know if it's one of those options or something completely different, as I can only speculate.

But, let's go on this for a minute. Have you considered trying to meet up with her now? The fact that you haven't met her could be why you won't let go of her.

Tell us more about your current marriage....why is it not happy?

IMO, you aren't and won't be happy until you stop living in the past. By spending so much time thinking about what you might have had, you likely aren't looking at what you do have. Focus on the present, figure out why you aren't happy, figure out how to be happy in your marriage and if you can't be, maybe consider letting that go.

TheRealCallie said:

Ayla could be your "soulmate" so to speak, but she could just as easily be someone who ignited your knight in shining armor mode. Gotta save the girl and all that. Or she could even be just someone who you won't let go of because that might mean you have nothing left. Honestly, I don't know if it's one of those options or something completely different, as I can only speculate.

But, let's go on this for a minute. Have you considered trying to meet up with her now? The fact that you haven't met her could be why you won't let go of her.

Tell us more about your current marriage....why is it not happy?

IMO, you aren't and won't be happy until you stop living in the past. By spending so much time thinking about what you might have had, you likely aren't looking at what you do have. Focus on the present, figure out why you aren't happy, figure out how to be happy in your marriage and if you can't be, maybe consider letting that go.

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Fairly new here and already feel the love =) You're right on about trying to be the knight with the shining armor. I found so much joy making that girl happy you have no idea. From the very beginning my main objective was to save this girls. Some of the stories were just to graphic for me to discuss on here and I honestly felt so bad for her. At first I thought let me save her and be her shoulder to lean on. But, one thing let to another and I found myself truly in love with her. I have only told this to my sister and she says that Ayla was my imaginary gf that I always wanted and doesn't exist. That's she's the make belief imaginary girl.

I really wish I could meet her and finally put an end to it. From the very start everything has been against me not to do so. Maybe I should contact Opera? lol She actually live in France now to make things more complicated. From all the what ifs I'm still gutted that she's married with a family. I mean why couldn't she give me a chance? Also why did she look for me if she was happily married? So I know she also thought of me and looked for me. Perhaps she has stopped and moved on but I'm having a hard time doing so.

My current marriage was a mistake from the start. This was my rebound girl that I met to cover my void for Ayla. This is another chapter in my life with wrong decision. My life feels like a domino effect it's one mistake after another after another. I'm not happy because we have close to zero communication. After all these years she finally admitted of having this problem and just now after 8 years seeking counseling. After our honeymoon I love you stage she changed. At times I feel like she's more of a roomate then a wife. I lost count how many times I almost gave up. But, at the same time I kept telling myself to keep trying and marriage is not a game as I have to make it work or at least try. One of my flaws is I hate to give up. No matter what I'll keep fighting and trying. I know my fight should have ended in the beginning. But after my first marriage mistake and my big heart break I just didnt' want to do this all over again. I though I could make it work.... So far I have not. Plus this time around is much harder. I have a son, a house, and lots and lots of debt. I can't just walk away and I want to be a part of my son's life.

WrongDecision said:

Fairly new here and already feel the love =) You're right on about trying to be the knight with the shining armor. I found so much joy making that girl happy you have no idea. From the very beginning my main objective was to save this girls. Some of the stories were just to graphic for me to discuss on here and I honestly felt so bad for her. At first I thought let me save her and be her shoulder to lean on. But, one thing let to another and I found myself truly in love with her. I have only told this to my sister and she says that Ayla was my imaginary gf that I always wanted and doesn't exist. That's she's the make belief imaginary girl.

I really wish I could meet her and finally put an end to it. From the very start everything has been against me not to do so. Maybe I should contact Opera? lol She actually live in France now to make things more complicated. From all the what ifs I'm still gutted that she's married with a family. I mean why couldn't she give me a chance? Also why did she look for me if she was happily married? So I know she also thought of me and looked for me. Perhaps she has stopped and moved on but I'm having a hard time doing so.

My current marriage was a mistake from the start. This was my rebound girl that I met to cover my void for Ayla. This is another chapter in my life with wrong decision. My life feels like a domino effect it's one mistake after another after another. I'm not happy because we have close to zero communication. After all these years she finally admitted of having this problem and just now after 8 years seeking counseling. After our honeymoon I love you stage she changed. At times I feel like she's more of a roomate then a wife. I lost count how many times I almost gave up. But, at the same time I kept telling myself to keep trying and marriage is not a game as I have to make it work or at least try. One of my flaws is I hate to give up. No matter what I'll keep fighting and trying. I know my fight should have ended in the beginning. But after my first marriage mistake and my big heart break I just didnt' want to do this all over again. I though I could make it work.... So far I have not. Plus this time around is much harder. I have a son, a house, and lots and lots of debt. I can't just walk away and I want to be a part of my son's life.

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It sounds like she wants to try if she's admitting things and going to counseling.
I still can't help but think a small part of you doesn't want this to work because you're so hung up on Ayla. So my advice is to try to forget about her, or if that's not possible accept that it's not going to happen and move on from it.

Now, going to your son. Just because you divorce doesn't mean you won't see your son. You could come to a custody agreement and see him quite often. One thing I will add though, is that staying with your wife solely for your son isn't helping anyone. It's not helping you, your wife and especially not your son. He sees what's going on (assuming he's older than 2, of course) and he likely knows you aren't happy. Trust me on that, kids see a lot more than you think they do.

WrongDecision said:

I mean this girl had such a dark side that for a split second I thought no way can she ever see light at the end of the tunnel.

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Question: cutting equals dark side? Doesn't it rather seem like a sad side?

Dark or sad it sure was not happy and bright. I chose the word dark because from far she was the perfect American girl. Never in a million years would one guess she had such life. So I think the word dark suited her well as no one but her direct family knew about this.

what is it with women!!! Why do ladies run away from guys that care about them when they are hurting and in pain! I recently had a very similar situation. Was seeing someone..beautiful smart sweet. Would tell me she loved me. I sacrificed a great deal for the chance for a life with her. Next thing I know she wont return my calls or see me. I was devastated! Recovered eventually and here she comes again. Says she was going through some medical issues. having a hard time. next she tells me she was pregnant with our child and miscarried. This WAS MONTHS LATER! No contact during this time... WTF! I would have stayed by her side through thick and thin. Promised never to leave her unless she drove me away...which she did. I dont understand it. When you are hurting and having a hard time wouldnt someone who would help and care for you be nice to have around??????

Can someone explain this behavior???? Ill never understand it.....

Forsaken-Knight said:

what is it with women!!! Why do ladies run away from guys that care about them when they are hurting and in pain! I recently had a very similar situation. Was seeing someone..beautiful smart sweet. Would tell me she loved me. I sacrificed a great deal for the chance for a life with her. Next thing I know she wont return my calls or see me. I was devastated! Recovered eventually and here she comes again. Says she was going through some medical issues. having a hard time. next she tells me she was pregnant with our child and miscarried. This WAS MONTHS LATER! No contact during this time... WTF! I would have stayed by her side through thick and thin. Promised never to leave her unless she drove me away...which she did. I dont understand it. When you are hurting and having a hard time wouldnt someone who would help and care for you be nice to have around??????

Can someone explain this behavior???? Ill never understand it.....

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As a man, you can't even begin to understand what a miscarriage is like. I'll wager that there was something besides that going on or she wouldn't have dropped you.
You aren't entitled to an explanation. She wanted to leave, she did. End of story.

It's not just WOMEN who leave like that. It's not just women that do all that honeysuckle, so perhaps you shouldn't generalize and lump all of us into one category.

Why define your persona as "wrong decisions". Yes, we have all made a boatload of those in life. That isn't who you are. As for your story, you do seem pained. However, from what you have written, i do think that this Ayla was meant to be. She had opportunity to meet you. She didn't. Not once but twice. You are in love with the idea and the romance of the idea of who she is, not really who she is. I think you need to close that chapter.
As for your current wife, she is real. Living and breathing by your side. Not a fantasy. Not some pipe dream. Take note. Embrace her. Don't force her live in the shadow of person who never really was. Nobody can live up to that. Nor could you live up to some fantasy to her. But, you are both real. The time is now. I think you should put that behind you and actively work on your marriage. Plan some fun with your wife. Make new memories. Move on. If your house is too expensive, then sell it and move to an apt or smaller house. If you aren't crazy about your job, then take some classes for some other certification and/or put in some applications elsewhere. Don't hang the rest of your life on what you think could have been.

TheRealCallie said:

Forsaken-Knight said:

what is it with women!!! Why do ladies run away from guys that care about them when they are hurting and in pain! I recently had a very similar situation. Was seeing someone..beautiful smart sweet. Would tell me she loved me. I sacrificed a great deal for the chance for a life with her. Next thing I know she wont return my calls or see me. I was devastated! Recovered eventually and here she comes again. Says she was going through some medical issues. having a hard time. next she tells me she was pregnant with our child and miscarried. This WAS MONTHS LATER! No contact during this time... WTF! I would have stayed by her side through thick and thin. Promised never to leave her unless she drove me away...which she did. I dont understand it. When you are hurting and having a hard time wouldnt someone who would help and care for you be nice to have around??????

Can someone explain this behavior???? Ill never understand it.....

Click to expand...

As a man, you can't even begin to understand what a miscarriage is like. I'll wager that there was something besides that going on or she wouldn't have dropped you.
You aren't entitled to an explanation. She wanted to leave, she did. End of story.

It's not just WOMEN who leave like that. It's not just women that do all that honeysuckle, so perhaps you shouldn't generalize and lump all of us into one category.

Click to expand...

Guys should pay attention to this post.

Women do not have any accountability to anyone, as admitted by a woman. Accountability is a measure of how much a person cares about you. Therefore, no accountability = no caring.

Menorahman said:

TheRealCallie said:

Forsaken-Knight said:

what is it with women!!! Why do ladies run away from guys that care about them when they are hurting and in pain! I recently had a very similar situation. Was seeing someone..beautiful smart sweet. Would tell me she loved me. I sacrificed a great deal for the chance for a life with her. Next thing I know she wont return my calls or see me. I was devastated! Recovered eventually and here she comes again. Says she was going through some medical issues. having a hard time. next she tells me she was pregnant with our child and miscarried. This WAS MONTHS LATER! No contact during this time... WTF! I would have stayed by her side through thick and thin. Promised never to leave her unless she drove me away...which she did. I dont understand it. When you are hurting and having a hard time wouldnt someone who would help and care for you be nice to have around??????

Can someone explain this behavior???? Ill never understand it.....

Click to expand...

As a man, you can't even begin to understand what a miscarriage is like. I'll wager that there was something besides that going on or she wouldn't have dropped you.
You aren't entitled to an explanation. She wanted to leave, she did. End of story.

It's not just WOMEN who leave like that. It's not just women that do all that honeysuckle, so perhaps you shouldn't generalize and lump all of us into one category.

Click to expand...

Guys should pay attention to this post.

Women do not have any accountability to anyone, as admitted by a woman. Accountability is a measure of how much a person cares about you. Therefore, no accountability = no caring.

Click to expand...

Please, tell me what else I said that is nothing like what I said..

TheRealCallie said:

Please, tell me what else I said that is nothing like what I said..

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You admitted that you are beautiful

thanks for the help folks!

Menorahman said:

TheRealCallie said:

Forsaken-Knight said:

what is it with women!!! Why do ladies run away from guys that care about them when they are hurting and in pain! I recently had a very similar situation. Was seeing someone..beautiful smart sweet. Would tell me she loved me. I sacrificed a great deal for the chance for a life with her. Next thing I know she wont return my calls or see me. I was devastated! Recovered eventually and here she comes again. Says she was going through some medical issues. having a hard time. next she tells me she was pregnant with our child and miscarried. This WAS MONTHS LATER! No contact during this time... WTF! I would have stayed by her side through thick and thin. Promised never to leave her unless she drove me away...which she did. I dont understand it. When you are hurting and having a hard time wouldnt someone who would help and care for you be nice to have around??????

Can someone explain this behavior???? Ill never understand it.....

Click to expand...

As a man, you can't even begin to understand what a miscarriage is like. I'll wager that there was something besides that going on or she wouldn't have dropped you.
You aren't entitled to an explanation. She wanted to leave, she did. End of story.

It's not just WOMEN who leave like that. It's not just women that do all that honeysuckle, so perhaps you shouldn't generalize and lump all of us into one category.

Click to expand...

Guys should pay attention to this post.

Women do not have any accountability to anyone, as admitted by a woman. Accountability is a measure of how much a person cares about you. Therefore, no accountability = no caring.

Click to expand...

yea i am just wondering..why the caring would have stopped. One minute I love you the next poof gone..oh well moving on

TheRealCallie said:

Menorahman said:

TheRealCallie said:

Forsaken-Knight said:

what is it with women!!! Why do ladies run away from guys that care about them when they are hurting and in pain! I recently had a very similar situation. Was seeing someone..beautiful smart sweet. Would tell me she loved me. I sacrificed a great deal for the chance for a life with her. Next thing I know she wont return my calls or see me. I was devastated! Recovered eventually and here she comes again. Says she was going through some medical issues. having a hard time. next she tells me she was pregnant with our child and miscarried. This WAS MONTHS LATER! No contact during this time... WTF! I would have stayed by her side through thick and thin. Promised never to leave her unless she drove me away...which she did. I dont understand it. When you are hurting and having a hard time wouldnt someone who would help and care for you be nice to have around??????

Can someone explain this behavior???? Ill never understand it.....

Click to expand...

As a man, you can't even begin to understand what a miscarriage is like. I'll wager that there was something besides that going on or she wouldn't have dropped you.
You aren't entitled to an explanation. She wanted to leave, she did. End of story.

It's not just WOMEN who leave like that. It's not just women that do all that honeysuckle, so perhaps you shouldn't generalize and lump all of us into one category.

Click to expand...

Guys should pay attention to this post.

Women do not have any accountability to anyone, as admitted by a woman. Accountability is a measure of how much a person cares about you. Therefore, no accountability = no caring.

Click to expand...

Please, tell me what else I said that is nothing like what I said..

Click to expand...

You are absolutely right. I misspoke out of emotions..Women are definitely not the only sex that will do this. I guess I dont understand the behavior because its something I would NEVER do. I apologize for the generality.

Love ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So much easier to tell others what they are doing wrong then it is to fix their own troubles.

Also by the looks of things it looks like people still get body slammed if they say something out of emotion or anger lol Some things never change. A place for advice seems like a place to walk on egg shells.


If anyone cares for my update on things. I have put everything in the past that was and moved on with my life to what is at the moment. I have accepted what I have in front of me instead of what I could have had and the what ifs. Sometimes it's hard to realize what you have and sometimes we find ourselves lost and confused. No one on this forum or anywhere else will help you until you help yourself first. Take some time off find your true path in life and be true to yourself. Thank you to those that messaged me directly through this post. It means a lot.

WrongDecision said:

So much easier to tell others what they are doing wrong then it is to fix their own troubles.

Also by the looks of things it looks like people still get body slammed if they say something out of emotion or anger lol Some things never change. A place for advice seems like a place to walk on egg shells.


If anyone cares for my update on things. I have put everything in the past that was and moved on with my life to what is at the moment. I have accepted what I have in front of me instead of what I could have had and the what ifs. Sometimes it's hard to realize what you have and sometimes we find ourselves lost and confused. No one on this forum or anywhere else will help you until you help yourself first. Take some time off find your true path in life and be true to yourself. Thank you to those that messaged me directly through this post. It means a lot.

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well said buddy! Good luck and take care!!!!!

Forsaken-Knight said:

yea i am just wondering..why the caring would have stopped. One minute I love you the next poof gone..oh well moving on

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And that's something you will likely never know. Perhaps she met someone else, perhaps she never really cared at all, perhaps it was something else, perhaps she lied about not caring for some reason.

Forsaken-Knight said:

You are absolutely right. I misspoke out of emotions..Women are definitely not the only sex that will do this. I guess I dont understand the behavior because its something I would NEVER do. I apologize for the generality.

Love ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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No worries. I dislike generalizations, so I tend to speak up when I see them. :club:

WrongDecision said:

If anyone cares for my update on things. I have put everything in the past that was and moved on with my life to what is at the moment. I have accepted what I have in front of me instead of what I could have had and the what ifs. Sometimes it's hard to realize what you have and sometimes we find ourselves lost and confused. No one on this forum or anywhere else will help you until you help yourself first. Take some time off find your true path in life and be true to yourself. Thank you to those that messaged me directly through this post. It means a lot.

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It's great that you were able to move on from it. Good luck.

WrongDecision, I don't really have much to add except to say that I relate somewhat. I feel like I've made a lot of wrong decisions which led to even more wrong decisions. I fear that I'm on a similar trajectory, having messed up with the ones I really wanted for a whole bunch of reasons that I should have had taken care of by the time I met them. I also messed up with my dream girl, and I don't think I am ever going to find someone I would have wanted more than her. Now, it looks like all I can do is "fill the void" as well with someone that I won't be as happy with as I would have been with the ones I wanted but is all I can get since the ones I want are taken. I continue to try to figure out what I did wrong and work on myself just in case I should ever get another chance, but it's a long shot. Anyway. I just wanted to say that I feel for you.