I think I just might not celebrate Christmas this year

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Estreen

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The only thing I want this year, is to be able to spend it with my boyfriend. However, he lives in London, England. I have an interview on Monday to see if I'll get this seasonal job with UPS. If I do, that means I'd work up til around Christmas, maybe even longer if they decide to keep me on. On the other hand, I'd like to work up until then, then a few days before Christmas, catch a plane over there and spend Christmas with him and his family. My family doesn't make an overly big deal about it, and it just feels more like a hassle with going from one house to the next, opening some presents and being at semi-awkward family gatherings. I really tend to feel a sort've lack in that "togetherness" feeling. When I was a kid, it was different. It was all about Santa and stockings and decorations and what new toys I'd find under the tree and picking out the tree, etc, but ever since I grew up, its just...missing that feeling, except for last year. My parents and I went down to my sister's and had a big family thing, which felt great compared to the norm.

Right now, my parents are about to go on a road job, a few states over (about 2-2.5 hours away by car) and they won't get back til a few days before Christmas. So there'll be no picking out a tree, putting up decorations together, listening to Christmas music; whatever. Just the opening presents part, which frankly, I don't really care about as I don't really want much, and whatever I do want, I'd just as soon get myself. I like Christmas for the feeling and spirit of it. So I probably sound corny and naive, but that is the way I feel. The one day/time of the year for me where I get to have that little family togetherness feeling. The one day where it should be expected for people fortunate enough to have families. This is a major reason for me wanting to go over to London and spend it with my boyfriend. Not to mention that we only pretty much see each other once a year anyway, and after being together for over 4 years we've yet to spend even one holiday together. Plus, with me starting college in March...the next 2-3 years I won't be able to go over there at all. It'll be school, work, and maintain my own apartment. I won't have the time or means to go over there after March. (Not to mention paying for college by that point).

Anyway, sorry, I know this post is getting long, but I kinda had to explain that all first before going into why I'm upset, otherwise some of it may not make sense.

It's like this: My dad really doesn't want me to go, and would rather see me work here (where I live) until college rather than work up til Christmas, take two weeks off to go see my boyfriend, then come back in January and work on finding a job and apartment near my college for when I start school in March. My mom would rather see me stay, is scared to have me go over there by myself, and probably feels the same as my dad regarding the job thing. My boyfriend's mom (which this I found out through him, not directly from her) doesn't feel comfortable, because she and my dad keep in contact and she knows how he feels about it and my boyfriend was (when I just asked him on his opinion on it) saying how he really doesn't want to see his mom have all that stress and pressure put on her. I don't really get why she'd feel "put in the middle of it" when it's nothing to do with her. So she talks to my dad, so what? It's not like he's gonna go off and blame her or something. It's my choice and my decision, not hers, my parents', or anyone else's. I'm tired of doing what I'm told or what's "right"....I'm in this very weird part of life where I'm an adult but yet I feel indebted to my parents because I still live with them, so I can't go too much against them, so in turn it makes me feel like a kid at times. A kid with bills and responsibilities.

Whatever I do, I've always wanted approval from my parents and never wanted to do something that they couldn't emotionally support me on. I'm always the one to play by the rules, never take a chance, and this time, I really thought that this was my time to follow my heart and take that chance, but even my own boyfriend doesn't seem too into it himself. Said it seems like a lot of trouble just for that, and if he doesn't even seem to care that much about it....then why should I try to fight it anymore? It's all I literally want for Christmas, and if I'm gonna be stuck here again, then I don't really see a point in celebrating this year when my parents won't even be in the mood much for it. So it looks like I might just be canceling Christmas for myself.

(Sorry for the long post, I tried not to ramble too much)
 
Sorry you feel that way Estreen.

Yeah living with parents sucks ass to a piont. i have curfue :(
And get treated like a 15 year old somtimes...

It's fustrating at times...but i get more fustrated with myself than anybody else
for putting myself in this posistion. I'm like a **** boomerang kid. My mama can't
get seem to get rid of my ass....lmao.

I'm grateful my parents loves me. My father especailly is a lot harder on me than
my mom.. I is mama's boy :p
I know both of my parents wants whats best for me. And mom pretty much wish
I could just be happy. Sometimes the words comes out all wrong. I just have to
step back and mellow out for a few days...or whatever how long for me to chilled
for me to remember that.

I'm starting my life over again and I'm barely well enough to go back to work...
Yep...pretty much going back to school again after i settle down with my job, again.
I can't even look or plan that far into the future...at my current state of being.
It's very fuastrating becuase I had everything before..i own life, own home....etc. (my own freaken bills...lmao)
I could do whatever i please , when I please without asking anyone.
If I think too much about what I want, what was, what I don't have or can't get....it drives me freaken nutz.

I just have to accept..this is were I'm at for the moment...it's not going to last forever..if I don't let it.
it's happening so **** slow sometimes... omg, I'm in the bordom or lonely stage i think.
I was in so **** much pain before...i didn't know wTH bordom was or felt lonely....lmao
Persevere...i think..but **** easier than done.
One foot in front of the other i suppose.

I can't give any advice...I don't belive you want any.
Whatever dicisions you make will be the correct one for you.

Just know there's friends here that cares about you.

Thanks for sharing a part of yourself or opening yourself.
May all your dreams come true and happiness find you.

Be well
 
awww... i do hope you celebrate it. Christmas is about the spirit of giving and love =)
 
Thanks for the support you guys. :) I talked to his mom today actually, and now that she's caught up with everything (me enrolled to attend college in March, quit my old job, possible new temporary job coming up) both her and my mom agreed tonight that if I really still want to go, then I should. So...after tomorrow, I'm gonna think on it, depending how it goes with the interview. Maybe I will celebrate it after all. My sister also offered for me to go down there and spend it with her if I want, which I'll consider if I don't go to London, and if I'm not needed for work and can take a week off (she lives about 8 hours away, so I can't just make a day trip out of it :p)
 
I've made up my mind not to, mainly because I'm broke (again).
Also, I'm agnostic, although I was raised under a Christian roof and celebrated Christmas every year prior to last year. While I don't think that is even a factor in this (or will be in the future), I do sometimes wonder if I should be celebrating this if I don't truly believe in Christ. I always justify it by saying I love the positive spirit that is exceptionally strong around Christmas. It's a happy vibe, and I definitely dig it, which is why I'd like to continue celebrating it as I have traditionally.

Last year around Christmas time, I had a big car accident, and ended up throwing hundreds into dealing with it. I was so down about it, but I realized I had to just sit it out. I listened to Christmas music (and I'll probably do that again this year, so I guess I'm celebrating somewhat :) ), but no tree, no lights, no big dinner or breakfast, no gifts. This year, I could spend money on Christmas, but I feel like I need to build an "emergency" fund. I have no one to fall back on if some s*** hits the fan, so savings is a bigger priority for me than Christmas.
 
jjam said:
I've made up my mind not to, mainly because I'm broke (again).
Also, I'm agnostic, although I was raised under a Christian roof and celebrated Christmas every year prior to last year. While I don't think that is even a factor in this (or will be in the future), I do sometimes wonder if I should be celebrating this if I don't truly believe in Christ. I always justify it by saying I love the positive spirit that is exceptionally strong around Christmas. It's a happy vibe, and I definitely dig it, which is why I'd like to continue celebrating it as I have traditionally.

Last year around Christmas time, I had a big car accident, and ended up throwing hundreds into dealing with it. I was so down about it, but I realized I had to just sit it out. I listened to Christmas music (and I'll probably do that again this year, so I guess I'm celebrating somewhat :) ), but no tree, no lights, no big dinner or breakfast, no gifts. This year, I could spend money on Christmas, but I feel like I need to build an "emergency" fund. I have no one to fall back on if some s*** hits the fan, so savings is a bigger priority for me than Christmas.

I feel exactly the same. I'm mostly agnostic at this point, but like you, it's the spirit, togetherness, happy feelings that I've always liked. The one time of the year that family/very close friends can't really say "No, I don't feel like doing a 'family thing'" or whatever. I like it, because it really tends to bring people together. :)

I don't have that much money either at the moment, although I am fortunate enough to have my parents to fall back on, should I really need the help, for which I am grateful. I'm sorry that that happened to you with the accident, and I hope you still get some of that much needed, much deserved, good ol' Christmas Spirit. :)
 
Well, I think you should definitely go see him.

On the bright side of things, I know the seasonal job you're talking about. It was the first job I ever had, actually...the seasonal UPS Helper job.

For me at least, it was a *lot* of fun. It gets pretty snowy up here in north Idaho, but UPS still gives their drivers those rear wheel drive vans rofl. The guy I rode with had 5 years till retirement, and he was a real character. And he had so much familiarity with how those trucks handle that it was perfectly normal for us to go barreling down these slick winter roads sliding and jostling and skidding and all kinds of crazy crap LOL. But we had a kind of camaraderie going on; us vs. the clock and the winter weather. And we finished on time every day, with one or two close exceptions. I remember he was really looking forward to retiring...he said to me once, "Brian, my wife's a great cook...but I'm getting really tired of eating out of a box every day."

I really wish I could do it again, with the same driver. I worked with him before I really 'came out of my shell' socially, though we still talked and got along good. I think it'd be interesting to work another Christmas season with the same driver.

So I hope you get the job. I dunno if you're in a city or a rural area, but if it's rural you'll have lots of fun I think.
 
Thanks Brian. I'm getting ready to go over there now, and it really does sound like a fun job, or at least a helluva lot more fun than my old job. I like moving around and sorting/carrying things. In high school during one of my study hall periods I'd instead help out in the mail room, sorting and taking mail all over campus (I had a huge high school; it was a college prep school) and I loved it. :D

Do you know/think if they would have a problem if I "took off" like a few days before Christmas? (That is supposing they don't let me go themselves before then due to demand) If they won't hold it too much against me, and I actually get the job, I believe I'll stick to the plan, and book my ticket to London. :)

And yes, I'm in a semi-rural area. There's lots of rural areas around here, and the "city" I live in, isn't really a city, it's more like a reeeeallly big town, lol. We have a small downtown and the city itself covers a good part of land, but its nothing at all like New York or Chicago or any of those. :p
 
I think I would go, Estreen, if that is what you want. : ) You do need some time with the boyfriend if you are gonna be away for so long. You may end up regreting it later down the road. I think it would make a nice break and on top of that. Good luck, whatever you decide.
 
Thank you so much Naleena. I think you're right, and I think I will. I just got back from the interview, and it went smooth. It was a small group of people in a room, then one by one we went back to talk with the woman there. I was the only chick there. ^^; The job is pretty much up until the 24th she said to all of us, so I don't think it'd really hurt me if I worked up until the 22nd/23rd, then left for London for 2 weeks. They should be giving me a call soon, but probably not for another few weeks, like around late November she said.

So, all in all, the job outlook looks positive, and so does Christmas. Now I just gotta give my father a call and talk to him about it. I don't think he can really have any more reasons or excuses for why I *shouldn't* go. Not to mention my mother and my bf's mother are both for me going. *crosses fingers*

Ah, this also means that since I won't be called upon for a few weeks, I could go up and spend a week or two with my parents up to the hotel they're staying at (both are on a road job up in New Hampshire) that way I won't have to spend that time having a whole house to myself >.> It sounds nice at first, but it gets real old, real fast. Only real plus side is no nagging from 'rents :p
 
By the way Naleena, I love the vid in your siggy. I sung that song in 8th grade for our graduation ceremony. It was a small group of us who had really wanted to be in chorus but our middle couldn't afford to have the program or something. =\ But it's a beautiful song. :D
 

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