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Physical Disability and loneliness
12-08-2008, 08:12 PM
Post: #1
Physical Disability and loneliness
ok for a few years i have felt lonely. it's always worse when I'm not in a relationship and I cant help but feel that it is soo easy for people to fade in and out of my life. Friends, family, past-loves you name it. I suppose i've always had a sense of inadequacy around people because I am silent (its a part of my disability my silence) It's so easy to over look me. God i feel so much pain right now. *is sad*

damnit why do people treat me differently because I have a physical disability??? I guess i should just get used to it but i seem to be having difficulty doing so. Feel inadequate...so damn inadequate and misunderstood. Does anyone else feel like this?

>.<


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12-08-2008, 08:52 PM (This post was last modified: 12-08-2008 09:01 PM by Naleena.)
Post: #2
RE: Physical Disability and loneliness
SophiaGrace Wrote:damnit why do people treat me differently because I have a physical disability??? I guess i should just get used to it but i seem to be having difficulty doing so. I want a guy to love me in real life but i'm too afraid to approach any of them. Feel inadequate...so damn inadequate and misunderstood. Does anyone else feel like this?

SophiaGrace,
Can I be honest with you right now? Some of us are ignorant when it comes to people with disabilities. I am ignorant when it comes to knowing what is acceptable and what isn't. I've always been afraid to ask. I didn't want to look like some asshole or have that person think I was patronizing. I don't know what to do or what to say, especially if the disability is affecting thier mobility. If you help by opening a door for someone, they might get mad or say thanks. I know I have been in conversation with disabled people and wanted to say, Hey, what happened? But is that a bad thing to do? I can see where you feel misunderstood. There is definately a lack of understanding on my part about people who have disabilities. I wish we had had some type of class in school or the subject had been covered. I, for one, would like to know more about you and your feelings. I know you are like everyone else inside. I want to understand you and others who are disabled. I want to know what it is you hate about how people treat you. I believe you have things you can teach us, although that is not your purpose for being here.

http://bohemianfootsteps.blogspot.com/
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12-09-2008, 06:27 AM
Post: #3
RE: Physical Disability and loneliness
What is your disability?

I am small in height partly do to a disability. I can't say I get over looked moor then anyone else though as I can have a big Gob on me lol.

But I would deffernetly say I get looked over and passed by by girls. In my view most girls wont a bit strong guy that's going to look after them. I am not that. I am not big and I am not strong and I walk with a limp. I struggle to keep up and if I go out anywhere for the day then the next day I am normally not able to do much. I have found girls don't mined being my friend. But for there partner they wont the big strong guy. Even my own sister admitted that is what she wonted. she has that. She is a good person but honest. Moor honest then most ppl are. I blame my disability for being single. Ive not worked since I was 18 and Ive been single the same amount of time Sad

Any way I did see your intro thread but I well say welcome here (welcome) Smile Hope to see moor of you Smile


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12-09-2008, 07:05 AM (This post was last modified: 12-09-2008 07:08 AM by Brian.)
Post: #4
RE: Physical Disability and loneliness
Hi Sophia,
I think I'm kind of in the same boat as Naleena. I'm usually afraid of offending someone with an obvious disability if I start talking to them and ask them about it (even though I'm just curious, I'm not sure how 'ok' it is to them). I tend to just talk to them and treat them like normal...I mean, we're all people. But sometimes I wonder if it's not offending disabled people more for me to not mention it after a little bit. Like they might think I'm pretending to not see they're in a wheelchair or missing an arm or something.

I also tend to try and assist if I see someone with a disability having difficulty with something. Like I saw one gal who used a wheelchair had gotten in her car, but was having difficulty getting her wheelchair in (it was folded up and she was trying to pull it in with her). So I stopped and said "Do you want some help ma'am?" she politely said no and shortly thereafter managed to get it in. But I was worried I may have offended her, that she might have thought I was questioning her independence. What's the best etiquette in a situation like that?
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12-09-2008, 07:28 AM
Post: #5
RE: Physical Disability and loneliness
I can not speak for anyone else but I would say the best etiquette in a situation like that is exactly what you did. If they don't wont your help they well say just as she did. I am sure she would not be offended.

ppl that I meet normally after a bit ask me how I got to have the limp and the deformity. Normal there like you very scared of offending. I would say if you wont to ask then ask. Its not something I ever think of and I have never been offended by peoples cuerserty.

Ph and I know your questions where for SophiaGrace, not me. But she can still answer then. Its just this thread and subject is something that interests me. I would like to see other ppl answer this as well and spesherly other ppl with a disability.
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12-09-2008, 09:49 AM
Post: #6
RE: Physical Disability and loneliness
[quote=Bluey]
What is your disability?

I was born without a Jaw. which means i use sign language to communicate as well as writing things down on paper. So around people I am silent and its hard for them to tell if i am intelligent or not. (which...i like to think that i am....) So i usually just sit there and listen to them talk. This also means i have a tracheostomy and gastrostomy. Tracheostomy is for breathing and the Gastrostomy for eating since i cant eat through my mouth.

So, it takes a while for people to get used to my appearance and even then i only stick with a few good girl friends. I dont go places on the weekend. I'm usually not invited...so the internet has become my realm to explore. I am equal here. I type, you listen...you have nothing to look at to be uncomfortable about. Certainly my avatar isnt..."different"

But yeah people do treat me differently because of my disability. I'm not invited places, i usually hang back while in a crowd. I dont have guy friends(partially cuz i am afraid they would hurt me for some reason... and because i dont think I know how to talk to them).

In the past i would sit in a group of peers; look at one or the other and think to myself "I dont belong here. I'm not one of you." So i'd sit there feeling like a complete outsider; an observer of other people's lives. Sure i found their lives to be fascinating...the stories they would tell unwittingly right in front of me...but there came a time where listening and observing became old. I wanted to BE that life I saw instead of being this silent person in the group.

I havent quite achieved that...Maybe I never will. I know for certain that so many people dont know my mind because I dont talk. They look at me, assume that I probably am mentally gone as well as physically. And its irritating.

And...despite what anyone says i will always feel a sense of inadequacy while around other people. Like i am not as good as them...becuase of my disability. I am not like "them" and thus am cut off in some odd way. I've only experianced a true sense of acceptance with two people i've met with the same disability I have. Oh...and what a feeling it was. Complete acceptance....SO overwhelming.

One of these people died recently...so I have been feeling adrift through life...having to go it "alone".

I dont know if i even answered your quetion. did I?
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12-09-2008, 09:58 AM (This post was last modified: 12-09-2008 10:14 AM by Naleena.)
Post: #7
RE: Physical Disability and loneliness
Thanks for posting that Brian. At least I know there is one other person who is like me. You put it much better than I did. DId you notice out of 76 views you and I are the only ones who posted about that. That alone says something in itself.

http://bohemianfootsteps.blogspot.com/
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12-09-2008, 10:11 AM
Post: #8
RE: Physical Disability and loneliness
Bluey,
Thanks for answering the questions. I might have to look for another forum that can answer other questions I have.

http://bohemianfootsteps.blogspot.com/
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12-09-2008, 10:49 AM
Post: #9
RE: Physical Disability and loneliness
I can't say I understand your particular brand of exclusion, but I definitely know the feeling of being the outsider even when (Seldom) in a group of folks.

Really though, people are going to make assumptions out of you no matter what. Regardless of your disability, it would have been weight, or hair, or color, or any other limitless factor of things people judge against. To me it seems like you've got a mind which is what counts (considering your double major). People might make assumptions and if they make a negative one that makes them avoid you, then you're weeding out the shallow folks that aren't worth wasting your time with anyway. Win-win.
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12-09-2008, 12:13 PM
Post: #10
RE: Physical Disability and loneliness
Naleena Wrote:
SophiaGrace Wrote:damnit why do people treat me differently because I have a physical disability??? I guess i should just get used to it but i seem to be having difficulty doing so. I want a guy to love me in real life but i'm too afraid to approach any of them. Feel inadequate...so damn inadequate and misunderstood. Does anyone else feel like this?

SophiaGrace,
Can I be honest with you right now? Some of us are ignorant when it comes to people with disabilities. I am ignorant when it comes to knowing what is acceptable and what isn't. I've always been afraid to ask. I didn't want to look like some asshole or have that person think I was patronizing. I don't know what to do or what to say, especially if the disability is affecting thier mobility. If you help by opening a door for someone, they might get mad or say thanks. I know I have been in conversation with disabled people and wanted to say, Hey, what happened? But is that a bad thing to do? I can see where you feel misunderstood. There is definately a lack of understanding on my part about people who have disabilities. I wish we had had some type of class in school or the subject had been covered. I, for one, would like to know more about you and your feelings. I know you are like everyone else inside. I want to understand you and others who are disabled. I want to know what it is you hate about how people treat you. I believe you have things you can teach us, although that is not your purpose for being here.

Well for me, I dont...typically need other people's help for my disability. I am independant. I do everything myself. So...I dont think I can answer your question tbh. I guess being independant gives me a sense of self worth, so if someone were to try to "help me"...which really...no one usually does cuz i dont struggle with things such as a wheel chair or opening doors....it would ruin a bit of my self worth. It's very similar to the desire of older generations to remain independant for as long as they can.

As far as asking me what my disability is, i'm completely open about it. now...if you were to ask someone who just recently became disabled that might trigger a bitterness response because they are mourning something they've lost. I've had my disability from birth. I dont know better. I've never experianced having a jaw ...so...think about it this way "you never miss what you didnt have in the first place." that's how i think about it. When, on the rare occasion people ask me how i can eat formula day in and day out. I just tell them "hell! who wouldnt want to?! your way of eating is so much slower because you have to cook up recipes and wash dishes! that takes a lot of time! i have instant food." and inevitably i make them smile because i keep pointing out the good parts of having formula to drink. Eventually they stop feeling sorry for me, smile, and then feel comfortable.

So my answer is; people who have had a disability from birth are more likely to have accepted it and not be bitter about it. Thus you can most likely ask them what they have...ect and they wont become offended.

In fact, my disability is a part of who i am. its a part of my identity. So..i WANT people to know what i have. But LOL sometimes I forget to tell people because they never ask.

When people dont ask me what I have i just assume it doesnt matter to them...and all that matters to them is that i am a human being like them and that they appreciate me for who I am inside; rather than defining me as a label. I can definately understand other people's curiousity though. Hell, i want to know what other people have when i see someone else with a disablity! LOL


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