Why are women so difficult to understand?!

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

Fmylife

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
4
Reaction score
0
Location
California
Hi everyone,

I'm 20 and I have never had a girlfriend. I'm gonna try hard not to start sulking and feel sorry for myself but everyone around me seems to have a million times better luck than me.

I think of myself as a pretty decent guy. I am very nice to girls I like and eventually put their priorities above mine even though i know this tends to throw you into the friend zone. But it seems that no matter what I do, I'm not good enough or I never become important enough to them for them to consider me into a relationship.

A girl i have known for 5 years recently told me she might be moving around into my area. I immediately started helping her plan and do research on what she needs to do to settle down when she gets here. I would call her and IM her telling her i'm very excited that she's moving over here. She told me she was excited to see me and missed seeing me very much. I thought maybe things were going to turn out good but recently she stopped talking to me. If i message her or call her our conversations would be short and she would abruptly stop replying. She use to call me regularly to talk for 1 or 2 hours but now she never calls anymore. I don't understand why, and I'm positive she's single. Did she find a special someone and decided not to even maintain a friendship with me? Did I mess up somewhere? Is she just not into me? What's going on here?! I want to ask her why but every time we talk she still tries to act kinda nice.

Awhile ago, there was another girl i liked and I was really nice to her. We became good friends and maybe i was put into the friend zone but we would still eat together everyday. What confuses me is that there a double standard in our relationship. Everytime she has a plan with her friends she would cancel our date or just tell me she doesn't want to eat today when I invite her out. That is fine, but sometimes if I go out with a friend (which i barely have any) to grab food for dinner, and I talk to her later she would be kind of upset. She would tell me that she still hasn't ate yet, implying that she was waiting for me to invite her to eat. But when I decide to leave my schedule open for her and ask her if she wants to eat, she would already be hanging out with her friends. So she can cancel our appointment and go hang out with friends whenever she feels like it but I'm suppose to report to her everytime I go somewhere and ask for permission?? I don't get it. And obviously she doesn't consider me to be boyfriend material because everytime I try to touch her appropriately (ie stroke her hair, put my hand on her back) she backs off. What does she expect of me? What am I doing wrong? Or am i just her chauffeur to kill time with when she has no one to eat with or to hang out?

Can some ladies in here enlighten me? What am I doing wrong and why do the girls I meet always seem to be so illogical? They are hot and then cold and just make no sense ...I know its probably cause I've never been in a relationship and have no idea what I'm doing but I really am trying my best here. I'm sincere, caring and loving but nothing seems to work and I have still have no luck. What should I do? Sorry for the long rant and for those of you who finished reading everything I really appreciate it.


Depressed and defeated,
Reststop
 
You know it's not so controversial if you point it out.

Also to the poster, I would say you're getting used because people are rotten. Women just happen to be half of the problem. Women go through the same thing for dudes. At least none of them beat you.
 
Stopped centering your happiness around a woman or any women.

As you stated sometimes they're hot and sometimes they'll trun cold.
Don't try to figure them out becuase you simply won't know when the meter is going
to swing in either direction. Women are more emotional..so they're more apt to react to
their emotions more than men.

Just work on yourself.
Love yourself first and foremost..this will leave you at a state of being less desperate and depressed.
Knowing that you're complete and happy as you are. Knowing that you don't NEED her.
So...it's just a matter of WANTS...If you don't get what you want, it's not the end of the world
or there's something wrong with you.

LET GO of her..LET GO of your guilt. LET GO of your fears.
LET GO of all of it...the good times and bad times. No expectations.
Just be in the moment.

Yes sometimes I'm just her intertainment...even if it means I'm banging the hell out her just
so she can get her rocks off, to pass the time. I'm not her Mr. Right , I'm her Mr. Right now.
Yes, she will leave that door open...it is I as a man to take the opportunity.

Yes somtimes I'm her emotional tampons..Yes I choose to listen to her and be there for her,
but as i said...LET GO...let it all go through you...don't hang on.

Yes sometimes people cut off relationship when they are not ready to step forward to the next level.
Stop internalizing yourself for someone's else struggles.
Sometimes it's easier to just walk away. Right , wrong , or indifference...ultimately you get to the
piont of LETTING GO. You gave yourself an opportunity...that's good enough.

If you let go..you'll be less depressed.
There's nothing morbid wrong with her nor you...It's just life's many experiences.
Accept the good times and the bad times. A relationship or a journey has many
twist , turns, hills and valley..(such as life)
BE in the moment...BE MR. RIGHT NOW.
 
Just be good at what you do, doesn't mather what it is just be good at it. this alone will attract people to you. and that my friend is the big secret... be good at what you do and never be ashamed for what you are.
 
well, I am a girl and I dont understand other girls, so I am really not a good person to answer. But I liked reading the thread! I wanna kinda understand my own kind too,sometimes.....
 
i'm not gonna read the wall of text, sorry... but to answer your thread titled question

Because you are trying to understand them.

Dont try to understand them, try to be yourself and be happy... you wont have to understand the right woman/man if they truly appreciate who you are.
 
Thanks for all the input guys
I'm dealing with it and am feeling a little better now
I guess I'll never really understand them but after reading all of your replies I'm beginning to think that that's okay
 
their not really difficult to understand. all you have to do is get into deep conversations and you will understand them.
 
i feel you man...i honestly do, i got the same problem with girls everytime, but I guess that's the moral in the end, as everyone points out: There is nothing to understand, don't think just enjoy the moment. It sounds stupid, but in practice I guess it's a whole different story.
 
They're hard to understand because they purposely throw up walls and waste everyone's time with their mind games. I've given up the idea of finding any woman who was raised in this society... they are all to brainwashed and misguided. Don't think that you're doing anything wrong its just the RETARDED way they operate... *rolls eyes* save yourself for the one, if any, that will truly complete you and I promise she wont care how u look or "measure up" to society's corrupted standards
 
well mainly we're hard to understand, becuase well we're mostly crazy

we don't know what we want or why

we're ussaly feeling many differnt emotions at once

i apologize i wish we could be simpler too

i might suggest googling understanind women or the female psyche for dummies

:p

goodluck friend

*hugs*
 
evanescencefan91 said:
well mainly we're hard to understand, becuase well we're mostly crazy

we don't know what we want or why

we're ussaly feeling many differnt emotions at once

i apologize i wish we could be simpler too

i might suggest googling understanind women or the female psyche for dummies

:p

goodluck friend

*hugs*

I have to agree with evanescencefan91 fan.

Women especially young women don't know what they want. I had no clue what I even needed until I was 25. You probably ended up being the guy she needed which could have scared her. If she isn't sure or doesn't want a romantic relationship with you, her natural reaction would be to back off. It can be scary to need someone. Especially if it's not what you think you want. I hope that helps?
 
have you thought about saying exactly what you wrote to these girls to see what happens?

if it feels like they are possibly messing you around and there is nothing or little to lose, why not try to be direct and tell them how you feel about what is going on (including that they are giving you the shits by behaving in that particular way) and ask all the questions you asked in this post.

maybe if you're direct it will show that you are not a sweet, considerate pushover and you are willing to confront the person with your feelings.. you dont have to be a jerk about it, just be DIRECT.

i'm not saying that this will get you want you want but it might get you some of your own power back.
 
I agree, young women are so confused and clueless..... they only guage their self worth by such superficial things.... who has the best, most expensive handbag, shoes, handsomest guy.... women collect men for power, they use men for power, they use men to get nice things, things they can't afford, they so totally are into themselves and in competition with other women to get the guy with the biggest bank account so they can be taken care of and pampered and adored. We all grow up believing in fairy tales, we all think we have the right to be a princess too...this is what is fed to us from day one. Unfortunately, we also learn really early how to manipulate people to get what it is we want...and most men will do just about anything for a good looking woman.

I love the studies they have out there, showing the men falling over themselves to help the cute little hottie with the armload of groceries or packages juggling to get her car keys into the door lock...... while the same scenario with a dowdy or over weight girl is completely different...they walk by like she is invisible.

Let's face it.... attraction is a superficial thing, and it takes you so far and then you have to decide if the person can meet your needs or expectations, and unfortunately most young women only take a relationship farther than occassional friend or casual acquaintence, because he woos her, he has a status she wants that enhances her own sense of self.

You might have to start concentrating on the plainer janes who aren't used to playing these competitive games and just are grateful for a person who is real and honest and kind. I can't tell you how many times, when I was young, that my friends only ever went for the dangerous guys or the "gods on the campus" because catching them, snagging them, was worth more points and got you to better parties than the average joe who wasn't the big frat boy but just a nice person.
 
Oi! Women are complicated, but so are men!

Here is something I read recently that has helped me to wrap my brain about that agony/desperate longing for a relationship:

Don't look for the right person. BE the right person.

Here's the thing: I've dated a couple of guys and the ones that I have been most attracted to are those with confidence. As an independent, strong female (and I think I would be a good specimen for a brand of guy you seem to be...ie, not a one-night-stand) I don't ever want to feel like my man is too clingy. It sounds a little like you're putting so much energy into the relationship (even if in the form of a friendship) that you're suffocating it. A relationship needs oxygen, just like a fire. You can't put logs on right away, or you're going to smother it.

The other thing that I think about a lot is this: Who has the control in the relationship? Men or women?

Answer: The one who has the most control is the one who cares least. A healthy, equal relationship is one in which there is equal time and energy given to the relationship, leaving no one "in control". The moment one person starts to pull away from the relationship, they gain immediate control because the other person will inevitably try to make the relationship work. This may not last very long if they care enough about themselves to call it a day, but there are often people that hold on to others for too long, losing both themselves and their self-respect. I only warn you because I chased someone for almost a year. He wasn't good enough for me, but I didn't care enough about myself to see it.

Be your own best friend. Stop looking for love, and it'll happen when you least expect it.
 
I dunno, I think men are a whole lot easier to understand and be around. There are just less games played, less wiles and manipulation exhibited. Pretty much what you see is what you get. We women are the ones who have to parse every upraised eyebrow or body movement..what'd they mean by that? why'd they do that? what'd i do? we constantly, repeatedly scrutinize everything and want want want all the time to assure ourselves we got it right, we aren't being taken for granted, we are special and adored, he is really committed to us totally, his heart and soul. Most men do not need nor seek this deep level of understanding..... they like you or they don't. They enjoy being around you or they don't. I much prefer to be with men than women. I just do, as long as it doesn't have to get sexual, I enjoy men more than women. My ideal job would be anywhere I could work with a preponderance of gay men..... adore gay men. So enjoy their firm sense of self, ability to express joy and yeah, emotions!!!!!
 
well..firstly, not all women are like that. it just so happens that the women you like dont seem 2 like you the same way and may use you. honestly, i dont know what the heck is wrong with those ladies.. cz it looks to me like you're a guy thats one of a kind. many girls dream of guys like u.. but when you're right there, they turn stupid and put u in the "friend" zone. and when they meet the a****le, they fall in love, and when their hearts get broken, they cry and get depressed for ages..
i may not know exactly how it feels to be in your situation (i'm a girl), but all i'm gonna say is this:
if you sense that a woman is trying to use u, or is being wierd in a relationship, just call it quits.. cz a woman lyk that isnt worth it.
(hope this helped)
 
I'm 20 and I have never had a girlfriend. I'm gonna try hard not to start sulking and feel sorry for myself but everyone around me seems to have a million times better luck than me.

20 is really young still when it comes to relationships. Stop comparing yourself to others. The grass may look greener on the other side but you may not have a true idea of what their 'luck' really is like. Ask yourself why you want to be in a relationship? Lonliness, to fit in with others, self growth what really? I had my first boyfriend at 21 and that didn't go too well. Pay attention to the energy that you are putting out..you attract what you put out.

I think of myself as a pretty decent guy. I am very nice to girls I like and eventually put their priorities above mine even though i know this tends to throw you into the friend zone. But it seems that no matter what I do, I'm not good enough or I never become important enough to them for them to consider me into a relationship

Firstly if you are nice be nice to anyone. Not just 'girls you like'. When I was younger I hated this. Sometimes women pay attention when you are not looking or listen closely to what you say without you realising. If women notice you are only nice to who you are interested in you don't come accross genuine. Be nice all around or not nice at all. Be yourself. Build your character based on your principles and know you do not have to justify them to anybody. You have to think of the image you are putting out not if you think you are a decent guy.
Secondly DO NOT EVER put someone elses priorities over yours, EVER. No one is more important than you. Don't act like they are doing you a favour. You are giving them bad habits. They are losing respect for you. Remember you teach people how to treat you.
What puts you in the friend zone is acting too much like a friend. You can be 'friendly' without actually being a friend. Don't talk to them on the phone too much. If you are checking a girl out let her know in a gentle way so she is comfortable with you but keep your distance. Stop making yourself available as if you are a convenience. Don't be her buddy. She already has friends for that. All the time you've chatting with this girl you could have been reading books on self growth or on dating women.

A girl i have known for 5 years recently told me she might be moving around into my area. I immediately started helping her plan and do research on what she needs to do to settle down when she gets here. I would call her and IM her telling her i'm very excited that she's moving over here. She told me she was excited to see me and missed seeing me very much. I thought maybe things were going to turn out good but recently she stopped talking to me. If i message her or call her our conversations would be short and she would abruptly stop replying. She use to call me regularly to talk for 1 or 2 hours but now she never calls anymore.

You're not being specific here. What exactly did you two talk about for 2 hours? Are you sure she did'nt get some recent news about you from someone else that she is not comfortable with? There may be things that she may not have told you during those 5 years that could have affected her view of you in the end. She may have a jealous boyfriend or is in the beginnng stages of dating a guy and doesn't want to chase him. If you had a crush on this girl you had no business being a phone buddy for 2 hours. Talk to her nicely keep it short and sweet.

I don't understand why, and I'm positive she's single. Did she find a special someone and decided not to even maintain a friendship with me? Did I mess up somewhere? Is she just not into me? What's going on here?! I want to ask her why but every time we talk she still tries to act kinda nice.

Dont let her smiley sweet voice take you off track from the issue. All you have to do is call her out on what you've noticed but say it in a way that is not hostile. 'I've noticed so and so and I would like to understand if I have offended you. If so I'd like to man up and apologise. Its ok let me know...its cool'. From how she responds you should have an idea about her.

Awhile ago, there was another girl i liked and I was really nice to her. We became good friends and maybe i was put into the friend zone but we would still eat together everyday. What confuses me is that there a double standard in our relationship. Everytime she has a plan with her friends she would cancel our date or just tell me she doesn't want to eat today when I invite her out. That is fine, but sometimes if I go out with a friend (which i barely have any) to grab food for dinner, and I talk to her later she would be kind of upset. She would tell me that she still hasn't ate yet, implying that she was waiting for me to invite her to eat. But when I decide to leave my schedule open for her and ask her if she wants to eat, she would already be hanging out with her friends. So she can cancel our appointment and go hang out with friends whenever she feels like it but I'm suppose to report to her everytime I go somewhere and ask for permission?? I don't get it.

I'm a pretty upfront person and I'll just give you a straight opinion. She is selfish and has bad manners. Confront her with the issue and if she does not accept any responsibility for her actions start cutting ties. Dont think that because she is female that you should cater to her feelings all the time...you have feelings too. Tell her you are not an escort. Life is too short to be waiting on people who can't wait for you. Hanging around this girl could be keeping other women away. You teach people how to treat you.

And obviously she doesn't consider me to be boyfriend material because everytime I try to touch her appropriately (ie stroke her hair, put my hand on her back) she backs off. What does she expect of me? What am I doing wrong? Or am i just her chauffeur to kill time with when she has no one to eat with or to hang out?

Some people like myself are just not touchy touchy. Does she touch you and if she does how? When girls are comfortable with a guy they have no issue in touching his arm, his chest or his hair. Since you are male you must be careful not to come on too strong. Be gentle, polite yet firm. If she is not touching you the same way mirror her actions. If she is not a girlfriend or a good friend then what are you doing with her? Its time for you to clean out house.

Can some ladies in here enlighten me? What am I doing wrong and why do the girls I meet always seem to be so illogical? They are hot and then cold and just make no sense ...I know its probably cause I've never been in a relationship and have no idea what I'm doing but I really am trying my best here. I'm sincere, caring and loving but nothing seems to work and I have still have no luck. What should I do? Sorry for the long rant and for those of you who finished reading everything I really appreciate it.

You are new to dating so dont take it so hard. I'm 32 and I'm still hitting my head when it comes to men now and again. Start getting phone numbers from women and start calling. If one is not interested then move on. The more women you deal with the better at dating you'll get. I think these girls seem hot and cold because you are not paying attention to what they say. Listen, listen, listen. You need to be detective. Ask for clarification when she says something that just does not sound right or make sense. You could also be dealing with illogical women because you may be falling into the damsel in distress pattern. You seem to think that always helping women earns points BUT is not necessarily the case. Don't be depressed over this. There is so much more to life and you have your whole life ahead of you. You are not defeated. There are so many women around. You need to ask yourself why you are attracting these characters. Is it that you want to feel needed? Get some books on dating women. Doc Love seems ok..I'v read his articles. Don't think everything he says pertains to me but give it a try.

Don't take it so hard. If you were a bad guy you would not be here asking these questions so you have good intentions. Get new hobbies in the meantime...you might meet more women as well.

 
If we're difficult to understand, guys made us go crazy to the point where no one understands what's going on...

If we're crazy, guys made us that way.

We're very simple peoples. Guys all think we're not, so they over do stuff and get on our nerves.
 
another thing that might be the reason why, that sometimes frustrates guys is often times girls are taught that the best way to get a guy's attention is to play hard to get, or seem uninterested, we've been taught that guys want the thrill of the chase, and we're suppose to be chased, or some women think men have to work or gain a women's attention,

i don't know I'm just hypothesizing,

but I'm interested in terms of guys do men like the chase, are you more interested in girls who play hard to get?

 

Latest posts

Back
Top