28yrs old in June, still live with parents, no job, no friends, is it all to late??

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M

Michael

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Im just another quarter life loser (28 yrs old) still living with my parents in fact I always live with them, never had a job, has no friends (stopped making friends since I was 13), no support network apart from ol google, never had a girlfriend and if you havent guess by now i am still a virgin and most likely will never get married. Lately I realise that my entire existence has been a downward spiral ever since I was born. Everything i tell you is the truth.

I always tell myself I love solitude. Try to believe its better without friends, ive been hiding for just over 14 years now. I found a pot when I was 14, it was then I realised I disliked myself. I stopped going to school, never finished high school and certainly never had a college education. All I did to this day was stay at home and smoking pot was my life.

Only till I was 27 I realise that something was wrong with me as my clothes got darker and so did my mind. The only thing good this year (2007) is that I stopped smoking pot. But the depression got worse. I could only hide in the dark for so long, the year is 2007 and i still wasnt really going out of the house. But i was kinda positive and started to look at myself more, Sadly i still didnt go out much and that state of mind lasted for 6 months. I have been dead for too long. Now im bored, no confidence, no social skills and certainly my self esteem is so low. Ive never had a job, I know I have to make a change right now, but where do I start. I cant hide anymore. Im sick of being weak and alone, but i know i am the only one that can help myself. I dont know where to start.

I wanted to change and do something you know be happy and be successful one day.

My question is everything to late for me to start all over again and change things around at the old age of 27, is there any chance i will ever get a good job, be successful, get married and have children?? Is it still possible even though i never graduated from high school??

Please reply guys i really really need some help before its all too late.
 
well im in a simular situation as you but im 23, had a long term relationship and atm living with my parents (even though i thought i would be living on my own about now). And im sure my social skills suck as much as yours does because i cant seem to make new friends at all. As for job i work at UPS partime and planning to go to school this summer. Ive also kinda fooled myself telling myself that solitude is a little piece of mind which i like.

I thought about what i was going to do for a while espically recently when i finally got control over my depression. I now plan to go to school and get a degree from a community college to become an officer or a firefighter, firefighter i know will require much more work. I know i should have gotten a start on all this a few years ago but starting now at least is better then not starting at all i figure. If i was in your shoes i would study up a bit and get your GED, then go to school as well which is all very possible. All you can really do is start walking in the right direction. Thats all we both can do, and hope things (marriage, good job, be sucessful) fall in place on the way.

I tell myself i dont have to be a great man, just a good one.
 
Michael,

You are a very long way from being too late. The answer is in your post- You are only a quarter of the way through life. You've not even been an adult for 10 years yet. I know that's a long time when you are living through it but many people are in your situation in their 20's. It doesn't help that others race on at different speeds. Many people find what you are looking for in their 30's, many find it in their teens. People like me had it but lost it all in our thirties so you never, never know what's coming next.

Having stopped weed will make all the difference, that's how I killed my boredom for years too so I have been there. 6 months is enough to give your motivation a boost but your morale will take a bit longer.

Would you ever have posted here when you were stoned or would you just have chilled and ignored your situation? Try to think of the extra things you want to do now as positives, even if you are not yet doing them.

My experience is that there is a lag between wanting to do make some change and it actually starting to show concrete results. Plus I also found a strange sort of mental hangover when I stopped smoking that, I'm sorry to say, lasted longer than 6 months. That's not really surprising though if weed has been a crutch for so many years. I wept for no reason and was, at the same time, filled with a restless energy that was unpleasant. And I could not sleep. Maybe you recognise a bit of this?

I'm happy to talk more about this if you want.

Good luck,

Michael
 
Michael-

It's not too late! There are so many things you can do.

First, register here. We're glad to have you. Second, like motiv said, start studying and get you GED. Once you do that you can either get a job or apply to community colleges. Depending on what kind of job you want, you may need a college degree or you may just need the GED. If you have a job or are in school, you'll find that your life is much better. You'll have some day-to-day goals, and you'll be able to meet people.

Now, on the personal side of your life- it's definitely not too late for you to find friends or a relationship. Or at least I hope not. I'm 25 and I've never had any real friends, and I've never had so much as a single date. I'm still holding out hope (it's slim, but it's there).

I also recommend volunteering while you work on your GED or if you have trouble finding a job right away. I suggest this to almost everyone because I think volunteer work is a great way to stay active, meet people, and feel like you are actually contributing to the world.
 
Hey look at it this way: 30 is the new 20. I'm serious! People are taking a lot longer these days to grow up and to move out of their parent's house. Women and men are putting off marriage until their late 20's or even mid 30's. There's no need to panic. You have plenty of time to get your life going in the direction you'd like it to.

Number one congratulations on kicking the pot. I think daily smoking of pot would rob you of a lot of energy and desire to move forward with your life. So that explains a lot and you should not feel bad. You were caught in a bad place for a while. But you've put yourself through a hard time to get off it.

Think about what you want from life. I would suggest thinking about things you like to do or think you would like to do. If that is too much then start with things you hate. For example I hate math and science so I can rule out a lot of the current jobs in computers and the medical field. Second I hate authority so I can forget the military or police fields. Boom that's like 60 percent of jobs right there!

Come on register so we can send you PMs. :)
 
I agree with what everyone said. It's absolutely not too late. It's never too late. Maybe you can't get children when you're 80, but it's never too late to find a friend, or somebody to love. You're only 28! You're young man! ^^

It's sounds like you're on the right track. You've stopped smoking pot, that's great, and you're starting to know yourself better. That's a very good start. Like lonelygirl said, try and think of things that you like, what you want to do in life. I'm sure there are plenty of ways for you to get an education. I'm sure you could also make a friend or two from that. Don't expect it all to happend at once though. Take one step at a time, because it's not to late, remember? You have plenty of time!
 
If you need a job, try applying at a fast food place. They won't care if you haven't had experience.
 
i know the same feelings,i think the ame thing
im 35 almost 36 and i have 3 kids some teens some small
and i dont have any job skills ,nofriends, no relatives and never lived on my own
havent lived in america since i was a child and am thinking of going it out on my own while takeing care of my babies,its terrifying i am scared each time i look at the internet on searches
but being single and still in your 20s without any dependents on you ,is a enviable position
i would love it if i had famly to live with , no worries for anyone but me and was younger again.
its not too late but dont wait till it is
also dont be picky take a step any step
take a job in fast fod lke they said it isnt picky,even if it doesnt last its a start
ask some chick out maybe start with a not attractive girl or a cute but heavy girl or a older girl or a single mother or a girl with disabilities there are plenty who want and would love a bf but if you are too picky everything will pass you by
did you see 40 year old vigin? funny movie
losen up yoour situation could be worse,things will get better
 
the mere fact that you are questioning your state right now means you can change for the better and that its not too late...

look for a job that interests you or something that you are pretty good at.. ;-)

"YOU CAN DO IT" ;-)
 
ITS NEVER TOO LATE! Unless the bus came at 5:00 and you showed up at 5:10... But there will always be another bus...
 
I’m a bitter old woman of 46 with no friends past, present and probably future. I read all of these posts and it makes me sad that there are so many of “US” out here with no friends to speak of.

I’ve come to the sad conclusion that friendship is a commodity that has a very high price in one way or another. For many years I found myself trying to buy other people’s friendship. I was the one who brought in the cookies and bought lunch for everyone on the team every few months - just trying to be nice and make other people happy. I figured out after a while that people were laughing at me as a desperate looser because I was trying too hard. I overheard several “I wish she would just quit it, she is pathetic.” comments that just hurt so bad at the time. Now I understand completely that we are all just selfish individuals that only allow friendships when it is profitable for us.

Why do we need friends? To have someone to talk to? To have someone to go out with? Selfish - nothing we do has anything to with those other people when it comes down to it. It is all about how being with other people and talking to them makes US feel. Unless you have something to offer others, something they really want, you will not have any true friends.

I’ve given up and expect to spent the rest of my life alone because I know that I have nothing to offer anyone that they might actually want. I am not attractive and I am not very interesting, so I am a pathetic looser by definition. Buying people’s friendship only lasts for a little while - until the money runs out.

As a bitter old broad I have only one thing to say… get over it or get used to it because it will never change. People are selfish by their nature and friendship is just a word that really has no meaning.
 
Michael, as you can see from everyone else's posts, it is not too late. I agree, it's never too late. You've already taken the first step by recognizing and addressing the problem. Now that you've stopped the pot, get your GED, get a part time job somewhere that doesn't require experience. You can meet new people there. Discover what your interests are and try to find others who share them in your area.

Barbara, not everyone in the world is selfish. There are some genuinely nice people out there (few and far between). Unofrtunately you've just been unlucky enough to only be around the ones who can't appreciate you. You have a right to be angry at the way you were treated, but just don't give up hope.
 
Barbara,

I think that's the bitterness speaking and not you. Anyone in your age peer group who would talk about you like that...THEY are the pathetic ones and you know it! Cruelty comes from weakness. Truly strong people are gentle. I hope the OP comes back, and please register and join our group.

Yes, people are by their very nature selfish. However, we do selfless things for each other. There are people making this world better as we speak. There are nuns at Mother Theresa's orphanages caring for the sick. There are people giving anonymously. Maybe they are selfish in their own way because they feel good for doing good, but who cares? If we are doing good, that is all that matters in the end.
 
hi there Michael, I'm in pretty much the same state as you. I'm 27 and have had to resort to moving back in with my Mother. I have no job and suffered a huge breakdown two years ago which resulted in the loss of most of my friends. I have a handful of friends that live over two and half hours away by train and I find it difficult to occupy my time. I hope like you do that life isn't over yet. You are more than welcome to send me a message. I will reply.
 
i'm alex pang from Singapore, turning 28 yrs old in september.
I still live with my parents. fired my ex-girlfriend coz she did it with other guys behind my back.
lost all my friends coz i spent too much time with my ex-girlfriend.
now i'm all alone, low self esteem. no educational qualification too.
the only thing different is that i still got a job as a cashier.
anyhow, my life is messed. i don't know what should i do in the future too.
my life is full of sad shits. i'm very serious.
i'm a good looking guy. not too poor. decent. don't gamble.
don't take drugs, but i don't understand why all the girls i'm interested in are just NOT interested with me~
i've tried for almost too long.
i want to give up.
i'm sick with this life.
i'm friendly, i'm helpful, but no one just care a honeysuckle about me.
i really wonder why.
they're all just SO **** busy every time i call them out.
is this fated? i really can't believe it. my life should be documented. u won't believe all the unfair shits ever happened to me.
 
That's excellent advice from Pard.

Alex, hopefully when you say you may be thinking of suicide you mean you see it as a possibility in the future. I hope you don't feel like that now, right this minute.
If you do feel that way now take at least the time to read that page.Then read it again tomorrow. Or read it and bookmark it for when you need it.

I'm pretty sure the Hitler thing was meant as a sick joke but, even if it is, the poster has hit on something- No-one's life is decided by 28. There are changes you can initiate and changes that happen to you. Every change starts you on a new path and you don't yet know where it will lead.

Just hang on long enough to find out, see what happens next.

I'm going to add you to MSN.

Good luck with this.
 
i think it's wonderful that you want to start over again; most people in your position would have long ago give up, but you didn't and you should never do give up! I think you really can live again; i can tell you that at first it will be so hard, bu tdon't lose hope; if you need come back here for a new dose of hope, just don't give up; i don't kno wif you'll be able to have a very big succes, but i'm sure that you can still have a wonderful life that will leave a beautiful mark in the soul of maybe only a few persons, but you'll still be able to say you lived, didn't gave up, and made it! you should only be proud you've deceided to restart your life again! Just believe you can do this! You can do everything! Believe and you'll have one more step to succes!
 

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