dating sites are depressing

[Haz]

Quote:I would rather stay alone my whole life than try to find someone through sites, it's just LIES LIES and LIES

I don't think this pessimism is the right attitude to adopt, even through half truths with selective wording to paint a better picture of someone it is still an extension of the individual. Most people aren't articulate enough to write something interesting, let alone construct a devious lie.... there is clearly a caution that must be taken interacting with strangers online. My general etiquette is to get to know someone briefly through email, then an instant messaging program. If things go well, we might start talking on the phone. This is the real icebreaker in my opinion, you can't hide behind calculated responses and are forced into a more direct form of communication. It can be nerve wracking for bother parties, but with a little bit of honesty about who you are and an expression of interest in the other person it can be easy to flatter someone and put them at ease.

It is a service. One that comes with the inevitable risk of meeting people who you aren't going to connect to on any level but still, one that can work in a persons benefit with a little bit of effort and luck. There are downsides, but if you approach these with an attitude of shrugging them off you eventually build up a thick skin and start thoroughly understanding the nature of socialising on the internet instead of fearing it. For a natural introvert like me, at the very least it is an option.

[h i]

I remember girls always bitching about men 'go by looks' and other shit. 'girls dont do that' its whats inside that counts. make a male profile on a dating site and dont put a picture, and youre worthless. you wont even get responses from messages you send... let alone get anyone to message you. I see their types. their faces. I know their kind. selective bitches and used up whores. Id rather eat my tongue, then gain their approval.

[Haz]

Hello, generalisations.

If someone doesn't message you back, don't take it personally. If you haven't taken the time to try and describe a bit about yourself with your profile and upload a photo, you come off as an anonymous entity and just another horny male begging for attention. Women get bombarded with an almost obscene amount of messages from lonely men online, and even if you are genuine its all too easy to get ignored. This is a shame somewhat, but I find it understandable.

Both men and women can be extremely selective (this certainly didn't originate online), I wouldn't be playing the gender card here.

[arkitek4]

May I suggest to you guys instead of using this web site (for lonely people) to log on to Yahoo messenger instead. How can you know for sure about who you are chatting with if you do not see them on cam. Yahoo messenger can do both chatting and camera to camera dating or whatever you call it more efficiently and logically safe.

This site as I believe it to be is for people who's thoughts they want to tell other people without the worry of anyone finding out about their true identity. A site for literature of the people longing for escape from a world that to them was too harsh to them.

I have been using this site to get other a failed dream of the sorts and in a way has helped me go through the first few days of it simply by reading so many stories. Anyway, there are other sites you should go into and this site is as I think not fit for dating, maybe exchange of views, opinions etc about life.

I hope in time we all can find peace of mind.

[nerdygirl]

(04-29-2010 01:36 PM)h i Wrote:  make a male profile on a dating site and dont put a picture, and youre worthless. you wont even get responses from messages you send... let alone get anyone to message you. I see their types. their faces. I know their kind. selective bitches and used up whores. Id rather eat my tongue, then gain their approval.

Good grief. I'm not a selective bitch or a used up whore. Okay, maybe slightly selective, but not based on appearances. When a guy chooses not to post a picture, I get suspicious. What's he hiding? Maybe he's married and he's afraid somebody is going to tell on him. Maybe he's an axe murderer, and frankly, I like my axes to live long and healthy lives. I mean, yea, some women are hypocritical jerks... but I know I'm not the only one who gets uneasy when there's no picture on a dating profile.

[dramaqueen]

(04-29-2010 11:58 AM)Haz Wrote:  

Quote:I would rather stay alone my whole life than try to find someone through sites, it's just LIES LIES and LIES

I don't think this pessimism is the right attitude to adopt, even through half truths with selective wording to paint a better picture of someone it is still an extension of the individual. Most people aren't articulate enough to write something interesting, let alone construct a devious lie.... there is clearly a caution that must be taken interacting with strangers online. My general etiquette is to get to know someone briefly through email, then an instant messaging program. If things go well, we might start talking on the phone. This is the real icebreaker in my opinion, you can't hide behind calculated responses and are forced into a more direct form of communication. It can be nerve wracking for bother parties, but with a little bit of honesty about who you are and an expression of interest in the other person it can be easy to flatter someone and put them at ease.

It is a service. One that comes with the inevitable risk of meeting people who you aren't going to connect to on any level but still, one that can work in a persons benefit with a little bit of effort and luck. There are downsides, but if you approach these with an attitude of shrugging them off you eventually build up a thick skin and start thoroughly understanding the nature of socialising on the internet instead of fearing it. For a natural introvert like me, at the very least it is an option.

Dating someone I've met through a site is just not a real thing...

[Haz]

If you've met them in person I don't know why the means through which you met has much to do with it.

[AndrewM]

(05-01-2010 03:07 AM)nerdygirl Wrote:  Maybe he's an axe murderer, and frankly, I like my axes to live long and healthy lives.

That's brilliant.

Haz - I completely agree with you, but I think people have different expectations. Poor "h i" is frustrated because dating sites are supposed to make it easier to meet people; which obviously they can do, if people are inclined to want to meet you in the first place. You don't suddenly become attractive simply because you put a profile up. Those who say it's fake are comparing it to face to face interaction. But of course dating sites are only meant to facilitate that kind of interaction, not be a substitute for it.

In the past, people used to meet their partners through community based social networks: churches, unions, town fairs, barn dances, and so on. Those networks are in decline, and things like internet forums, dating sites and facebook are filling the void. Is this a development we should regret? I don't know - but we don't have much of a choice. And so we may as well take advantage of the possibilities which are available.