I so connect with your post...yeppers, emotional eating sure does fill those empty spaces huh??? at least for awhile. the sad thing is, you get larger and larger and then you isolate even more because you don't want anyone to see you looking the way you do.
I think many of us really really lonely people also must have issues with our self esteem. I have practically zilch. I often say it is so hard to be this old and this worthless...who'd a thunk a nice well educated, well spoken, gregarious, fun loving old broad like me would wind up so alone and so disconnected from the world??? I overcame alot of abuse in my past...had a vicious mother who probably was just seriously mentally ill, so unhappy with her life she only had me to take out her misery on. People do that... kick dogs or cats or go off on a tear at a hapless cashier in a supermarket because they are so twisted up inside.... but it sure doesn't make it right. I was able to work thru the life-long hatred of her only until after she died...heck, was actively putting alot of energy into hating her for 12 years after she died. HUH? I do alot of reading, alternative therapies, self help groups when I can.... someone I met, an Indian shaman, finally made total sense to me.... sure, I had no mother, no motherly relationship when she was alive...but guess what? I could have one now...she is free of the anger that tormented and tortured her...and she is free now to love me and cherish me. I love that idea...that so helped me understand that it wasn't anything about me specifically that encouraged the kicking and beatings and name calling. That I managed to marry an equally abusive man probably isn't surprising...but I got myself out of that after I got cancer and had to concentrate on me for once and my survival. It doesn't help much if we stay in relationships just have someone, anyone in our lives. It took alot of courage for me to break away. I regret it most days. I do, but I know it was the right thing, no matter how hard it is for me now, no one is beating on me, making me feel even worse. I have no trouble making myself just feel lousy anyway. It takes enormous work and strength to break patterns of abuse. I am just getting to the point at my advanced age of 60 here where it just is almost too much to do alone. I have put alot of work into it, but it's always just up to me.... as they say, you see your glass as half empty or half full...or like Abe Lincoln said: most people are only as happy as they make up their minds to be. I try so hard to have a grateful and cheerful outlook, but this time of year I just feel the rug of normal sanity and basic good cheer just being ripped out from under me. I hope we both can cope and do what is best for ourselves. Caring for ourselves and being gentle with ourselves is easier said than done, but we gotta try I guess.
oh...p.s. I did have one friend for just over a year, finally I said to myself! a friend... didn't see her every week, but often enough, she has kids and a husband..but still and all, if I wanted to go out and do something, invariably she would go with me.... then, after being unemployed for about 6 months, she broke off all communication with me... wouldn't return my calls, never answered my cards or letters. All I could think of I was probably one of those toxic people that just wore her out too. Sad to admit to, but I couldn't be the totally dependent friend she seemed to need me to be. She would do things I would just BEG her to stop doing....she would leave bags and bags of groceries at my door, and that was just so demeaning to me. My god, how bad is it when your only friend has to feed you? I was an adult who couldn't even provide food for myself and I just hated her doing that...begged her to stop..and she got really offended. Maybe some people just like be saviors and doing kind things and when you stop them from their own agenda of providing what they think you need.... you run the risk of that person just saying, fine, you don't want my help, then I'm outta here. I guess that was what happened....I was so grateful for her friendship, but I just didn't want her buying bags of groceries and leaving them where the whole neighborhood could see them, how embarassing...but yeah, sometimes people have to knock the toxic ones out of their lives....I guess I was toxic. I have to admit to that. My pride got in the way, but I have such low esteem I couldn't have made any other decision. well... anyway...good luck, I truly do hope we both can find some solace here.
woundedbird said:
hello,
i'm glad i found this. i joined a similar site, shared my story and received a big fat zero in replies. so i deleted my account.
i really don't know where to start. i'm here because i am very lonely, i have a total of two friends i see in person but these friends continually let me down, and cause me grief.
i have feelings for a man who is incarcerated, and even though we are just friends, i do care about him. he and i have i guess what would be classified as a "sado-masochistic" kind of friendship. i'm extremely obsequious towards him. he hasn't communicated with me in over a month and i feel very lost and alone.
i am affected by the time change-i do battle S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder) but usually combat it well with exercise. the last few days though i have gone "off the wagon." i'm an emotional eater and i have binged my butt off.
i am tired of going places and constantly comparing myself to other women.
i feel very inadequate.
i hope someone responds. please.
