JoeVegas
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- Joined
- Nov 21, 2009
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So here it goes.
I'm 23, male, live i Las vegas but grew up in ny.
When I first got into high school i met my first love and it was the whole cheesy love at first sight. To this day i can't place what it was that clicked when i saw her but i knew she was for me. I spent the next year working out and doing all i could to get her attention. Just as all fairy tales go, just as i was giving up hope she opened herself to me and I was on top of the world. Everything in my life was as it should be. I had a large circle of friends, i had my youth, but most importantly i had her.
There was no doubt i would marry her.
Three years later she broke my heart. In disbeleif i watched as everything in my life changed. My large group of friends wittled down to a select few and all my self worth shattered. I made a few attepts to replace her but any relationship i formed lacked something. there is plenty of flesh to satisfy lust, but there seems to be no souls to love.
i slowly destroyed whatever few friendships i had left and only persued relationships that inevitably were self-destructive. The only hope i grasp onto is one day ill meet another. Another girl that will make my heart stop and ultimately inspire me to be the best i can for her.
I've lived off that hope for many years now. well 5 or 6 but thats a real long time when youre only 23.
some nights its worse than other. sometimes i feel completely numb to it. i couldn't care less if there is anyone else in the world. other times though...
other times when i lay alone i think about her. i remember. it hurts.
So i find myself alone, the same alone i was a year ago and the year before that. I cant help but worry that i'll lose track of the years, lose track of my youth and find myself as a lonely, bitter old man.
I will be alone as long as i hate myself, and i will hate myself as long as im alone.
I'm not sure how i stumbled onto this site and i don't expect anything from it but for some reason i needed to put all that out there. I apologize for any misspellings and such, I'm a mathmatician not a writer.
so thats me. --joe vegas
I'm 23, male, live i Las vegas but grew up in ny.
When I first got into high school i met my first love and it was the whole cheesy love at first sight. To this day i can't place what it was that clicked when i saw her but i knew she was for me. I spent the next year working out and doing all i could to get her attention. Just as all fairy tales go, just as i was giving up hope she opened herself to me and I was on top of the world. Everything in my life was as it should be. I had a large circle of friends, i had my youth, but most importantly i had her.
There was no doubt i would marry her.
Three years later she broke my heart. In disbeleif i watched as everything in my life changed. My large group of friends wittled down to a select few and all my self worth shattered. I made a few attepts to replace her but any relationship i formed lacked something. there is plenty of flesh to satisfy lust, but there seems to be no souls to love.
i slowly destroyed whatever few friendships i had left and only persued relationships that inevitably were self-destructive. The only hope i grasp onto is one day ill meet another. Another girl that will make my heart stop and ultimately inspire me to be the best i can for her.
I've lived off that hope for many years now. well 5 or 6 but thats a real long time when youre only 23.
some nights its worse than other. sometimes i feel completely numb to it. i couldn't care less if there is anyone else in the world. other times though...
other times when i lay alone i think about her. i remember. it hurts.
So i find myself alone, the same alone i was a year ago and the year before that. I cant help but worry that i'll lose track of the years, lose track of my youth and find myself as a lonely, bitter old man.
I will be alone as long as i hate myself, and i will hate myself as long as im alone.
I'm not sure how i stumbled onto this site and i don't expect anything from it but for some reason i needed to put all that out there. I apologize for any misspellings and such, I'm a mathmatician not a writer.
so thats me. --joe vegas
