How long do normal people stay single for?

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Sog1185

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So this past year I've been doing my best to grow and break out of my shell and meet new people. I'm still a painfully shy person, but at least now I have some confidence. Enough confidence to be happy with my life single or not.

But I'm at a point now where I know I need to start dating. And I know I can be successful at it.

The frustrating part is that it's such a long and drawn out process. Finding the right place to go, or the right words to say, or the right times and places to touch her, all for someone that is in all likelihood seeing three other guys ahead of you anyway.

Realistically, I only have time to schedule one date a week anyway. Assuming that I was actually able to meet one new completely random single person every week to ask for a date (which I have yet to figure out how to do), it seems like with all the odds stacked against us, it could take months or years before I find someone that is actually worth sticking around for.

Are normal people this patient? Does everyone really go through this?

How are there so many people in relationships if it is such a grueling task just to start one?

Well thanks for letting me spill my thoughts all over the place here........
 
I've always found for me that it ends up being someone already in my life somehow, whether its a friends friend, a friends boyfriends friend, someone i go to work/school/church with like ive seen them before a few times... i guess thats pretty normal but i'm only one person so i dont really know if thats normal haha. Its been a long time since ive been on a new date though :p the last one lasted almost 5 years, im very loyal haha. This is just my opinion and hope it doesn't offend anyone (to each thier own, cheers!) but i don't think its normal to date multiple people at one time, thats a little complicated to get to know someone when ur trying to remember which one it was that you took to whatever place... etc haha I would never want someone to date someone else if they were dating me so I wouldn't do that to them
 
you say it like it's torture to go on a date.
 
Most people view dating as a much more casual process than you seem to. Its one of those things that you dont need to have a "schedule" in order to accomplish. For most people getting a date is as simple as finding a person they are attracted too, and then seeing if that person will go out to dinner with them or something.

I think for you to have a better chance of having a sucessful relationship, you need to think of dating as more of an enjoyable experience than as a "job".
 
That's true. The harder you try, the more 'difficult' or impossible it may seem.

A guy friend of mine once used to date a lot of women and I've always marvelled at that coz I mean, like wow...where'd you find the guts to ask that many women out?

He sat down with me one day over lunch, calmly looked at me over the table and smiled slowly, telling me it isn't like he was always successful the first time he asks a woman out. What I've seen is the number of times he's succeeded. What I've not seen his how many times he fell.

So....have at it! Ask the next girl who catches your eye out. If you fail, don't let it thump you down, k? Sometimes, you gotta fall a few times before you get it right...kinda like learning how to ride a bike. Now how many people can say they've learnt how to ride a bike without ever falling? You just gotta pick yourself up and try again. And be brave enough to try again :)
 
As long as it takes.. I date in spurts.. I may date a few get burned out and I may not date again for a year or two, that is if no one crosses my path that I think is worth the time...
 
"...kinda like learning how to ride a bike. Now how many people can say they've learnt how to ride a bike without ever falling? You just gotta pick yourself up and try again. And be brave enough to try again "

haha when i was little i used to get mad at my bike for throwing me off so i would drag it by one handlebar through a puddle and kick it HAHAHAHAHA one day i left it in the puddle for spite and it got run over and i was so sad i started crying LOL bike funeral!! hahahahah true story im so dumb haha!!!
 
As far as i can see it seems like normal people go like a month or two before they are in a relationship again. Or at least that is how my friends are when it comes to dating and relationships. I do agree with if you try harder it will only become harder to find someone special. Like many people say "it will happen when you least expect it". I agree with the others that you are making it too much of like a painful thing to go on a date. You just have to keep trying and who knows maybe you will find a special person sooner than later if your mind is set on it. It may be frustrating though going on dates as a shy person who hasn't been on many since we don't know exactly what to do.
 
i didnt really fall when i rode my bike. i went slow. if things started to go wrong i just stopped. learning how to brake before you move forward helps control. i think to many people rush when they dont know how to control themselves. i guess thats my problem. i keep to myself and perfect to much. it does seem like irresponsible decisions are rewarded. like asking a hundred women out, and rushing to experience everything you can. how dreamy. :)

becky thats cute. lol. i did that with a little push scooter. id get so frustrated that i would just drag it behind me on the walk home, then throw it near the porch when entering the home and force it to stay outside in the wet and cold until tomorrow.
 
yup..its a waiting game..but when you find someone good.. you realise the wait was very much worth it :p
 
Hi,
It's normal. We're in the same situation; broken hearted 'coz of a jerk, never trust a guy afterwards, been single for 2 yrs or more. However, I am a year younger than you. Sometimes being a single has some advantages. For instance, you're free as a bird. No worried boyfriend lurking around and you can flirt whenever you want. I thought about this once but then I realized, "Why am I worrying about this now when I'm still young?" Just have fun. You have your soulmate (if you believe in one) somewhere, you might not realized that you already know him.
 
Or you might not know your S.O. until you're 60 yrs old.

Depends on fate...but also on your own actions. You can't just wait around until love "happens." You have to MAKE it happen! :D

----Steve
 
Sog1185 said:
How are there so many people in relationships if it is such a grueling task just to start one?

I loved dating. once i broke out of my shell i thought it was the best thing id been missing out on. i never wanted to find "the one." i thought that would be boring. who wants to be with just one person all the time?? so i never understood the rush to find "the one." all my older sisters are married, unhappily married, as were my parents, and my friend parents. never knew one happily married couple. so i didnt get people who thought they'd find one person that would make them happy.

so i dated a lot and it was fun. you get all the thrills with none of the pain. once there were issues i moved on. it was great. had a lot of fun. and then i met "the one." its not that fun. once you find "the one," be ready for some serious emotional work. dont get me wrong, its good and i love my husband, but its just different. enjoy dating while you can.
 
I loved dating. once i broke out of my shell i thought it was the best thing id been missing out on. i never wanted to find "the one." i thought that would be boring. who wants to be with just one person all the time?? so i never understood the rush to find "the one." all my older sisters are married, unhappily married, as were my parents, and my friend parents. never knew one happily married couple. so i didnt get people who thought they'd find one person that would make them happy.

so i dated a lot and it was fun. you get all the thrills with none of the pain. once there were issues i moved on. it was great. had a lot of fun. and then i met "the one." its not that fun. once you find "the one," be ready for some serious emotional work. dont get me wrong, its good and i love my husband, but its just different. enjoy dating while you can.

heretostay, I think you hit the nail right on the head. Anyone confused about dating should read this.

----Steve
 
And what exactly is 'normal'? I didn't realise there was any such thing.
 
i have been single for 4 years.... date a bit, but not nearly enough...maybe once every couple of months...*maybe* I'm 32... I don't meet people...I am not normal. I could possibly be just really ugly, or really mean...but I know I am not mean... so I am guessing its the former. again..I am not normal... :(
 
Danielle said:
i have been single for 4 years.... date a bit, but not nearly enough...maybe once every couple of months...*maybe* I'm 32... I don't meet people...I am not normal. I could possibly be just really ugly, or really mean...but I know I am not mean... so I am guessing its the former. again..I am not normal... :(

I bet people perceive you as normal especially if you are able to go on dates even if it isn't as often as you would hope. I bet you aren't ugly because if you have been in relationships those people probably thought you looked awesome. Please don't put yourself down because it literally gets you no where.Look at me I'm 22,put myself down all the time, and have never been on a single date in my life. I'm just saying don't put yourself in the same situation as me, because it truly does get you no where. I'm sure you're an awesome person and that anybody would be lucky to have you just don't give up.
 

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