Anyone Else Lonely Since College?

[myselfandi]

High School was perfect for me. Once I hit college, my entire social life just turned completely opposite. It's much harder to make a lot of friends when ur not seeing the same people in the hallways. It feels kind of lonely not having a group of people around you all the time.

[Remedy]

Maybe you just got so used to being with the same friends in High School that you forgot how you made friends in the first place. I'm not entirely sure either but do you remember how you made your friends in high school?

Did they come up to you and initiate hanging out sometime or did you do it yourself? If you didn't or did initiate yourself in friendships I guess you are still in the same predicament in which you will need to try and do the initiating. You might have to push yourself to try and get to asking people you get to know if they want to hang out sometime or something more. That is all I can really think of because how will acquaintances turn into something more if both of you don't try to.

Try not to think of the fact that you don't see the friends who were always used to seeing. Try to think of it as people just waiting to be your friend. You really need to try to make something more out of acquaintances and take the next step if you have had people you been talking to.

[packyourbags]

(02-08-2010 03:45 PM)Remedy Wrote:  Maybe you just got so used to being with the same friends in High School that you forgot how you made friends in the first place. I'm not entirely sure either but do you remember how you made your friends in high school?

Did they come up to you and initiate hanging out sometime or did you do it yourself? If you didn't or did initiate yourself in friendships I guess you are still in the same predicament in which you will need to try and do the initiating. You might have to push yourself to try and get to asking people you get to know if they want to hang out sometime or something more. That is all I can really think of because how will acquaintances turn into something more if both of you don't try to.

Try not to think of the fact that you don't see the friends who were always used to seeing. Try to think of it as people just waiting to be your friend. You really need to try to make something more out of acquaintances and take the next step if you have had people you been talking to.

agree, every single word.

[myselfandi]

wow. insightful answer Remedy, you know, you are 100% right.

I do remember how I made friends in high school. We all took the same music class every single year since middle school. It wasn't actually b/c I was actively making friends. It's because they were the same ones from 4-5 years ago.

It's true I AM expecting to feel like I already know everyone. I just can't let go of that popularity from High School. I don't mean I was one of the cool kids... I wasn't part of THE popular crowd.... but everyone knew me b/c I was one of the few minorites in an all-white school. I'd never initiate friendship (I feel like I'm throwing myself on ppl), I'd rather they 'warm - up' to me, or get to know me b/c they knew one of my friends.... neither of which are possible since I go to such a large college full of lecture hall classes.

And it doesnt even matter anymore that I'm of a different ethnicity b/c this college is VERY diverse. No one really cares lol.

I get what you're saying about introducing myself, but I really do find that very hard. Which I never knew I had a problem with till now.

Maybe it would feel more like high school if I just transfer to a small college?? Or should I just let high school go? I dunno.. I really didn't expect my entire status to just compeletely dissolve once I hit college, its all gone now. I'm not recognized anymore by everyone I meet...I actually really miss High school... and it's never coming back

[Badjedidude]

myselfandi Wrote:Or should I just let high school go?

YES, definitely! Let high school go! High school is a comfortable, fake little world where kids practice how to survive in the bigger, wider, more violent world outside. It's scary and disorienting to get out into the real world, but honestly...I find it to be so much more fascinating and wonderful.

The world outside of those school halls gives so many fears, challenges, and opportunities to shine and become a great human being...why would you want to go back? ^_^ Do the courageous thing: eschew comfort and embrace the new and the unknown.

The way I see it is this: Whatever mistakes I made in high school, whatever stupid things I did or said...they're all erased. True, I lost some friends who moved away or just dropped me...but that's a part of life. Having a lifelong friend is a rare thing. Most friends come and go; it's just how life naturally turns out as people grow and their interests diverge.

myselfandi Wrote:Maybe it would feel more like high school if I just transfer to a small college??

Ultimately the choice is yours...but I would advise against trying to recapture the feelings you felt in high school. Too many people waste their lives trying to do that...and it can't be done. Move on. Embrace the uncertain future!

----Steve

[myselfandi]

Never knew lifelong friends are sort of rare, but I'm starting to see that.

I hoped my friends and I would stay close after high school, but when I call them they initially sound excited to see me, but I feel like its only because they're relieved to hear a familiar voice, or if I'm passing by they're happy to see a familiar face.

After one phone call or one day of hanging out, they want to move on with they're lives, and don't want to hang out all the time anymore.

I know I shouldn't take it personally, but what happened to "We'll keep in touch in college... Call me in college"? So is that the post-high school life i guess, to not have a group of people around you everywhere you go? I never walked anywhere by myself. How do adults adjust so they don't feel lonely?

[Badjedidude]

myselfandi Wrote:How do adults adjust so they don't feel lonely?

That's the difference between high school and the outside world/college. In highschool, kids are focused on their direct daily dramas--what to wear, who said what, which friends are doing what...which celebrities wear which clothing, who slept with whom....things like that. Teens focus ENTIRELY on that stuff, which is why high school is known to be so dramatic and emotional.

When you move on from high school, you begin to realize that these older people are focused on other things, like their jobs, their careers, and their higher education. The focus of their lives has shifted, and so they no longer really care about the silly things that they cared about in high school. Who gives a fuck what Paris Hilton does with her Friday (or Tuesday ) evenings?

So no, you shouldn't take it personally at all. Now that everyone's in college, they're starting to realize how much time they wasted doing dumb stuff in high school...and they're beginning to focus fully on their future goals and careers. I would suggest that you do the same.

And yeah, you can have friends in college...but I think these friends are going to be a bit more easy-going and not so dramatic (hopefully!)...and probably more likely to not be able to do stuff with you ALL OF THE TIME. They're busy with their own lives. *shrug* That's just how it is. You should get busy with yours, as well...and become the awesome, world changing person that I suspect you can become!

----Steve

[myselfandi]

(02-10-2010 07:01 AM)Badjedidude Wrote:  

myselfandi Wrote:How do adults adjust so they don't feel lonely?

That's the difference between high school and the outside world/college. In highschool, kids are focused on their direct daily dramas--what to wear, who said what, which friends are doing what...which celebrities wear which clothing, who slept with whom....things like that. Teens focus ENTIRELY on that stuff, which is why high school is known to be so dramatic and emotional.

When you move on from high school, you begin to realize that these older people are focused on other things, like their jobs, their careers, and their higher education. The focus of their lives has shifted, and so they no longer really care about the silly things that they cared about in high school. Who gives a fuck what Paris Hilton does with her Friday (or Tuesday ) evenings?

So no, you shouldn't take it personally at all. Now that everyone's in college, they're starting to realize how much time they wasted doing dumb stuff in high school...and they're beginning to focus fully on their future goals and careers. I would suggest that you do the same.

And yeah, you can have friends in college...but I think these friends are going to be a bit more easy-going and not so dramatic (hopefully!)...and probably more likely to not be able to do stuff with you ALL OF THE TIME. They're busy with their own lives. *shrug* That's just how it is. You should get busy with yours, as well...and become the awesome, world changing person that I suspect you can become!
----Steve

aww that was sweet haha thanks, sound advice