NarcolepticInsomniac said:
I'm very prone to feeling lonely, which often leads to me being depressed. When my depression gets bad enough, I cut myself or at least attempt to, to relieve the pain. However, I've been doing it so often that I feel like I'm addicted to the feeling of pain and the after effects. Granted, my wrist is now riddled with minor slash marks but the relief feels so good that I can't stop.
God, I need help...
I used to be a pretty bad self-harmer. I used to love the feeling just after, it is sort of an 'ease' because the actual 'act' kinda knocks you out of the way of thinking you were in the first place that drove you to do it. Does that make sense?
And that 'ease' makes you believe that hurting yourself is good because it changes your feelings, which can be very addictive - or that is how it was for me anyhow. Is that how it is for you too perhaps?
I still have minor slip ups now and again, which I find even now very hard to control. But I am getting there, each day to stop it.
You have to start thinking outside of yourself really - realise that you are worth something, and that something doesn't deserve the harm you do to yourself. It is a hard step to make, but you can do it.
http://www.nshn.co.uk/
That website is a life saver. It has forums on there for people who are exactly the same - and it is probably the fastest responding forums I've ever been on. The help you receive is pretty much instant - it is pretty weird (but in a really nice way) how everyone comes together and responds with something to every single thread. So for support I would go there.
Other tips is to keep your arms/legs/where-ever you harm covered up. Stay away from knives or sharp objects. And when you feel like you are losing control - get outside or do something else quickly. My escape routes are loud music, jumping in the shower or masturbation. Find some of your own that work for you.
When I first stopped and I still had really bad urges and just had to hurt myself - I started just punching my body - bruises are less severe than scars, or that is how I saw it.
Anyhow I wish you the best of luck, you CAN do this, if you set your mind to it - and DON'T think you are a failure if you slip up from time to time.
Self-harming becomes a habit or a coping strategy, and like most habits or strategies - they are very hard to break. Lots of people slip up time and time again. You just need to give yourself a break, pick yourself back up and try again.
I'm here for you if you ever need to talk.
Take care