How to get someone to stop stalking you?

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S

shells

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So, I might have a stalker from spanish class. He knows I have a boyfriend because I made it CLEAR that I do, before and after he asked me out. My boyfriend knows that this has happened, but what he doesn't know is that I -think- I am getting stalked by him.

I honestly don't think I lead him on. Class let out early one day and I was on my way to my car when he just started talking to me. And we talked. Every time I went to leave, he would follow me, and ended up following me to my car. Like, I was literally in my car, and he STILL kept asking me questions to let the conversation linger. So now he thinks it's okay to do that all of the time? Wtf?

Thanks to an assignment in spanish class, where everyone had to get up and exchange numbers in spanish, he has my number. I should have just given fake digits. But honeysuckle, I wasn't expecting someone from class to actually use my number. He constantly texts me. And for some reason, he is always waiting in the library after my other classes gets out to walk me to my car? He'll text me things like, "I see you", "I think I saw you", "Where are you right now?" "What are you doing?"

I literally have to pull a houdini to get from my class to my car without running into this guy. I don't want to be rude ***** by ignoring him, but I also don't want to make it seem like I am leading him on. He isn't exactly scrawny either. I am very intimidated by this guy. :(

It's also irritating me that he is texting me as much as he is. I don't even have CLOSE friends that texts me as much as he does!! I'm tempted to lie and just tell this guy that I don't have unlimited texting anymore.

I am trying to avoid telling my boyfriend simply because I know he'll want to come to my school and tell this guy to piss off - where things might escalate.

What should I do?

PS - I try to avoid texting him, and if I do respond it's usually vague and I don't try to appear interested. Or I just tell him I am with my boyfriend (even though I may not be). Telling him that I am with my bf usually get him to stop texting me until the next day.
 
I'm sorry pooferz, but you can probably guess what my advice here is gonna be.

You're going to have to kick this guy in the nuts (not literally). Guys like this just DO NOT LISTEN, and they DO NOT TAKE HINTS! No matter how polite you want to be, you're going to have to get rude with him. Get in his face and tell him that you're not interested, that he needs to leave you the fresia alone. Seriously, cuss at him a bit. It's either that or have your boyfriend talk to him and tell him to take a hike....and that may not be a good idea.

Seriously, I see it all the time. Being rude to one guy to protect yourself does NOT make you a rude *****...ok? Just understand that what you're doing is being strong and protecting yourself, because if you ignore this or treat the guy "politely" any more, the situation will only get worse. Guys like that don't understand subtlety. You have to seriously kick some ass. You might even have to do it several times, but eventually he'll most likely figure it out. It's like dealing with an animal. If every interaction between you is hostile, he'll learn to not interract with you and he'll focus on someone else.

Well, I know you're not going to like that advice, but really...it's the truth. *shrug* Good luck with things.
 
You can be striaght forward with him text him back and say what you need to say...Screw guilt.
Then simply erase him from your cell and bascailly ignore him.
Act like a stuck up ***** if you have to. You don't have to be rude or make as ass out of yourself.
Ignore people you don't want in your life is not rude...it's call having boundaries and filtering people out of your life.
You can't be everything for everybody.

If he still continue the behaviors, perhasp you can speak to your school conselor about this matter.
mmm..maybe the counselors can put thier heads together and talk to the dude without everyone freaking out
in a calm manners and defuse the situation.

If he continue the behaviors. I guess get higher authories involve. Speaking to your conselor and some of your teachers
about this is very important. You should not be afraid to attend class. Your academic is hard enough as it is, you don't need
any more worries. This way he can be monitor and it's documented.
 
I'm gonna have to agree with the Jedi. This guy ain't gonna take a hint. Yer gonna have to be VERY direct. I recommend doing it in a public place though if he makes you feel threatened. You also need to tell SOMEbody. If you don't wanna tell yer man, then you need to tell somebody else. Just so somebody is aware that there is a possible situation. You can't take chances with people. One rule everybody should keep in mind is "Don't Trust Anybody".
 
Lol not to be a dick, X.... but if we're not supposed to trust anybody, then how can we trust your advice to not trust anybody? :p

Paradooooooox. :p
 
Badjedidude said:
Lol not to be a dick, X.... but if we're not supposed to trust anybody, then how can we trust your advice to not trust anybody? :p

Paradooooooox. :p

You trust your own intuitions.
It's billion of years of evalution that gets the hair on the back of your neck standing up.

It's also that same intuition that you know you love someone.

Intuitively everyone already know or have their answers.
Advice dosn't make a hell of beans or is worth a nickle.
It's more of a confirmation kind of thing as a person grows more and more to turst themselves or thier own intuitions.
Ultimately one must make one's own chioce. The more a person learns to make chioces and decicion, the healthier and better off that person will be.
Do not get in the way of a perosn's growth or mirracle.

A paradox is....how in hell can i trust someone else if i can't trust in myself ?...Actaully it's lyrics to a song :p
 
Erm.. before going to the violence...

He might seem extremely creepy and stalkerish, but have you told him that you aren't interested in being friends or more? Not just, "I have a boyfriend", but, "I'm just not interested in you". If not, give that a try first. He might be one of the people who needs to be told directly. Make sure you tell people what is going on, though!

If that doesn't work... Here is how I got a guy to stop stalking me. I went at him and his car with a hammer.
 
I'm not an expert in these things, but I'd suggest avoiding violence or the threat of violence altogether. And if he's makes you uncomfortable, then you can't be worried about coming across as a *****. Here is how I would handle it:

1. Tell him that his constant attention is making you uncomfortable and you want it to stop.
2. Let someone at the school (friends, teacher, counsellor) know what is going on.
3. If he persists texting, change the number on your phone.
4. If he follows you to the car, tell him you're going to take out a restraining order and go to the police. (You'll need to keep a record of his text messages and the like.)
5. If you go to the police, make sure a friend / boyfriend is waiting for you when you get out of class for the next few weeks.

Now I'm in Sydney, Australia, and I know that restraining orders are relatively easy to get and the police take them seriously. You should check out what the situation is in your state, but I'd be surprised if it wasn't a similar situation. (Perhaps someone on this forum can help.) My advice is that under no circumstances should you let your boyfriend confront this guy, because if it gets out of hand he might turn the tables on you and your boyfriend by going to the police or suing.

Look, it may be that it's just a lonely or desperate guy who can't take a hint. But if it's more sinister, there are laws which protect you and you should use them.
 
A stalker has an obsessive personality. They feed off of ANY attention they get from their victim, including abuse - they do not see "no" like the rest of us do (they see it as a no that can be changed to a "yes" with time).

Now, I'm not saying he is a stalker, but the fact that he obtained your number in an underhand manner (most people would not record a number in such circumstances) and behaves in a manner that most people would feel uncomfortable doing so (such as ignoring the fact that someone has a boyfriend) may suggest that he is.

Cutting all contact is the best idea - including changing your cell phone number. Try to avoid any circumstances in which he can talk to you alone. Tell him if he persists (calmly, but firmly) to leave you alone. For now, that is all you can do (and I hope it will be enough).

Take care.
 
Whats the biggie deal shells? Just tell your bf and let him take care of it.
 
I would agree with Steel. However, when I think about what could possibly happen, telling him to leave you alone could turn into an even worse obsession. Text messaging someone so often is being obsessive with them, especially since you're not even best of friends with him. Steel's right though. He interprets the word no differently than most would. I would try cutting any communication he may have with me. Changing the number doesn't seem like a bad idea, park in a different area, or a closer area so you can get to your car faster and go on your way. I would even go so far as to go in different directions as opposed to just going straight home. Since he's text messages you so much, I wouldn't put it past him to attempt to follow you outside of school.

One more bit of advice; Tell people. Tell your family, friends and your boyfriend. It's always good to let people know what's going on just in case.
 
as has been mentioned, stalkers tend to not have any sense of other people's personal space or respect for boundaries. this charmer in spanish class sounds similarly deluded.

nerdygirl said:
He might be one of the people who needs to be told directly. Make sure you tell people what is going on, though!

If that doesn't work... Here is how I got a guy to stop stalking me. I went at him and his car with a hammer.

:club:

Good job nerdygirl! I hope he ruined his underthings and car seat after that.

Shells: if you aren't comfortable wth direct confrontation such as hammer attacks, just get you boyfriendfriend or others to counter-stalk his ass down, see if he appreciates the unwanted attention.

also, think about passing his phone number around. maybe a few dozen friendly texts will convince him to find someone else to creep on.

I ******* hate creepers!
 
He's not gonna listen to 'Nice Talk'. Tell him to fresia off and that you don't want to talk to him and aren't interested. And you should probably let your teacher and boyfriend know.

Anything less, to him, is the equivelant of you flipping your hair and winking at him, and will encourage him to continue.

If he continues even after that, the police need to be involved.
 
suckaG, sorry but I strongly disagree with your advice. You're basically saying that she get others to start harassing and stalking him. I can't imagine any situation in which that's a good idea.
 
FRIEND POWER!!! :D

I see nothing wrong with Brian's advice. *shrug*....but then I always advocate such tactics for dealing with wackos and stalkers. I'm sorry, but I've just never actually seen "peaceful" techniques work at keeping these sorts of guys away from women. It just doesn't work. If a guy is unstable enough to stalk a girl, then he's NOT going to react to stimuli the same way that you or I would. Telling him nicely won't work. Ya gotta bust balls (preferably figuratively...but literally if necessary).

Anyway, I'm tired of this society's attitude of non-confrontation. fresia peace. I say we do things how they did it during the Middle Ages. Let the sword decided who's right and let good men find strength again and face down weirdos and wackos like shellsy's stalker. Haha ok, ok. /rant.

In one way or another, the guy needs to be busted up in order to get the message. *shrug* That's the only thing that I've seen work, so I'm sticking with it.
 
I just wanted to thank everyone for the advice.

I've purchased some pepper spray to put on my key chain. Not just for this incident (mostly for this incident, just in case), like Steve told me, it's probably a good idea to have it anyways. I know my mom used to have a taser around the house... No idea where it went, though.

For now, I am going to keep avoiding/ignoring him for three more weeks until college gets out. After that, I am thinking about changing my number.

If something happens, or this guy keeps pushing the envelope, then I'm going to get my boyfriend involved. I am very intimidated/uncomfortable around this guy. He's a lot bigger than me...

Unfortunately it seems like I am a more aggressive/courageous person when I stand up for friends/family. When it comes to me? I just tend to hide in my shell and try to wait it out.

I did tell my grandmother and a friend. Not my boyfriend just yet. I know he'd probably want to kick this guy's ass. And that doesn't seem necessary just yet.
 
AndrewM said:
suckaG, sorry but I strongly disagree with your advice. You're basically saying that she get others to start harassing and stalking him. I can't imagine any situation in which that's a good idea.

well, maybe group counter-stalking is a bit over the top, but at least showing stalkers that their bullshit is unacceptable and will not go unchecked by preventative force is a good step.

besides, who wants to stalk a girl who has friends/fam who will seriously and happily mess one up? I’m guessing the number is lower rather than higher.

cowardly creepers who can't take a giant hint just drive me up the wall, especially when they try to intimidate and control other people with their obsessive and psychotic ways. :(
 

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