it will NEVER change. it'll be the exact same tomorrow, the day after that, next month, next year... only one way to end the pain.

....*spammer*....

Chris, I live a life of lies too. The people I know have no idea what's going on in my head and I always try to make it seem like I'm fine and there's no problems in my life. I just had to lie to a bunch of family over xmas break which was really difficult. I used to think I was this drama-free, issueless guy because I didn't go through the same stuff as other people did like drugs and crime and stuff like that but the real truth is that I'm much worse off than they are. It doesn't really make a difference if u tell your parents what's going on inside. They will always just blame you for your faults, and it's not like they can do anything to change your life. Sometimes my mind plays tricks with me, getting me to think that someday things will turn around, that I'll find what I love to do, that I won't be depressed anymore and will have a social life, but that just deviates me from thinking that my life is over and I need to kill myself. Like I said life picks winners and losers and being a loser is my fate that I can do absolutely nothing about. I was chosen to be a pathetic idiot who has no use to society whatsoever and I will suffer more until I die. Until then, I have to train myself to stop thinking about how sad/isolated I am and just try to keep myself occupied. Not because I have any kind of goal but because it makes the days go by easier. I'm thinking maybe I'll have to pick a day and do it no matter what. I have tried doing that in the past but things didn't work out right.

hehe, enough of cribbing and solitude! cm,on man! join in the change! lets change into what we wanted to be the most! join me n the rest who r willing to go beyond what we cried about!