When I was 7, I never had a decent or even average childhood. I never had much toys, I guess it passable since we are extremely poor. We lost everything after the war. My family had to start from scratch in a whole new place.

OH BS.....The real story is when I was 7, I always dream of ending it all, but I figure you know, maybe in a few more years, I'll be in college, and have a beautiful girl who I can fall in love with. When I hit my teen years, I felt that I probably should just do it, and forget all the problem that surround me. I mean if my friend hang himself, and he had a better life than me, why is that I am still hanging on? Well I figure that college would be my savior if not else, and I'll just be lonely for the next 4 years, and everything should be alright. Now I'm in college, and I'm more miserable than ever. I know you guy are the nicest people on any forum, and you guy keep telling me to not kill myself, but I just don't see the point anymore. I mean how long before it will change. No kidding aside, I'm living a life full of lies. My family have no clue what has transpire throughout my life. They could not to begun to understand the horrific tragedy and event for me as a kindergarten's student that I went through everyday off my life all the way to high school. And I know for sure, that I will never fall in love, unless the girl was extremely drunk. Just yesterday my so call best friend laugh at my face, even though he meant it as a joke, I felt...horrible. I mean I know their a thing such as being ugly, but when you look like me, well no jokes aside, I don't look normal. Ughhhh I just hate myself so much. I'm done talking pill or even therapy because it just not working.

I'm really scare that I can't hide this whole embarrassing ordeal any longer to my family. My mom yell at me because I always look sad, and that I'm not normal like other people. She said "you don't look like anyone else, or even act like them". It make more sense in my native tongue. Neither does my family knows that the week before I left for Christmas break, that I was close to hanging myself.

There just no light at the end of the tunnel

Don't listen to nolife4life

and I'm so sorry if i sounded rude in my last post to you!

I am by no means trying to preach to you.. but I do know people who have been very depressed from young ages straight through their teen year and after like age 24 they can't even remember how they used to feel..

Life is worth living. It's worth it for the way leaves sometimes hold rain water, and for all of it's mysteries and imperfections that are there for you to change..

It's worth it because I'm tell you to cheer up right now, and earlier today I was crying over nothing at all and one of the sweetest online people I know (SadRabbit) cheered me up like he always does ...n I felt less alone.

Depression sucks, the longer you stay in it the worse it gets but once you are here there is hope. Give life a chance to show you it's beauty.. just give it a chance..

This post was last modified: 12-26-2007 02:53 PM by jales.

If lying bothers you so much tell the truth, don't know if it helps you. But it makes me feel better not having to pretend I am happy all the god damn time. And from time to time I just yell at strangers, and dont get me started on my mom. I am just mean to her everytime I talk to her or see her. So try the truth, and if you dont want to lose anything just be mean to strangers. Because what are they going to do for you odds are you probibly wont see them again. Or find someone to vent to. Because your going to die eventually anyway no point in rushing.

I thought to myself would I rather live an eternity being miserable, and unhappy or die. I would rather be miserable and unhappy.

I am sorry that you are depressed and don't feel like you are attractive, but you know that saying, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade", well, there is a modeling agency called UglyNY, they actually look for people who are unattractive, people who have unique features, people who are different. They also represent "pretty" people as well, but if I was you I'd check them out. You can email them and submit a photo of yourself. If you do not have any photos then get some, use a camera with a remote if you have to and take a bunch of pictures of you in all different situations (dressed up, grungey looking, average looking, happy, sad, etc) because the more different looks the more chances of them seeing something they can work with. Do not tell them of your hard life, etc... because I don't think they want an emotional project on their hands. It is worth a try, it may not amount to anything, but you won't know if you don't try. Best of luck to you and do not stop seeing the beauty in the world around you (the birds, the blue sky, the seasons,...).
Life is a gift for us to do what we want with. Merry Christmas from me to you!!

stupid ass punk, I bet u'd be history long gone if u were him. so u need to do every1 a favor and shut the hell up.

when are u goning to take the matter in ur own hands and start working on it?

tell ur mother and father how u felt all these years

u don't know for sure, never say never---all famous.

u're strong individual on the inside, don't kill it. To hate some1 so much and look at them everyday and being with them 24/7 takes patience. I know pritty people that are weak inside. And thats not fixable. If u can't live with it you can always fix your looks your body these days.Eeeeveribody's doing it. So just try to do what u have to do everyday now in college until u're able to do it. I think, you have what it takes to survive under pressure, you've lerned indurence already. U would be pritty healthy idvidual if the looks weren't getting to u. The outside looks can be fixed especially the face. Just keep up and u'll get to the better day. A lot of people never make it to college by the way....as dumb as ms.Paris Hilton...lol

talk to them. Every mother wants to see her child happy. She is probably frustrated because parents also blame themselves for problems their kids have. They just don't tell anyone.

the probably have no idea what ur going through because u're hiding.

if they don't support u--talk to us

Chris? We're all on this little "island" together where we face a lot of similar issues.
Just a few days ago I thought about this myself, that my fate won't change..that nothing will ever change. Lately I've been like on this constant battle with myself, one moment I feel negative, the next I'm fighting it, the next I'm positive again..then the cycle starts all over again.
So not worth hurting yourself. This place and the people on here somehow helps me a little. Try allowing that for you, might help to pull you through difficult times. Not much I can say cos I'm going through a rough time myself (and this is at least a more positive thing for me to say...if not I'd think I'm crazy or really going insane).

Life changes when you want it to change.

This doesn't necessarily mean that you'll get what you want, but there's a definitely a lot of wiggle room to go around in your life.

Life can suck sometimes

but never all the time

Even If things don't change Just try keep going, How is it going to make things betterby shooting yourself, you would just become another statistic

Don't give up

Stay alive for your family they love you and it would really hurt them if you did that, try talking to them i know how familys are you might not want to do that but maybe it would help, and maybe they could find someone that you could talk to.

Have you thought about maybe adoping a dog or a cat they can be a really big help for people when they're depressed. And they ussally very friendly

I'm sorry If I'm not much help, I'm not a professional or anyhting and I'm not trying to be.

But we all care about you chris I really hope things get better for you

*gives chris2 a big hug*
try to cheer up at least for self and try to get involded in a hobby to take your mind of things

*SMILES*

This post was last modified: 01-01-2008 02:39 PM by evanescencefan91.

We absolutely DO NOT condone suicide here and we'd appreciate it others would respect this.