Thanks everyone, glad I found this web site. It's making me think about how I really feel instead of pretending things are ok.
In a way I feel a bit guilty for moaning as I decided to go back with him. Most of the time it's bearable but goes pear shaped if he thinks I
might leave.
When I say I'm scared it's not because of the loneliness it may bring(pretty lonely anyway) It's because he will never leave me alone, last time police were involved as he held me in house with a knife, he got probation.I have asked about restraining order if I go but have been told he has to harm me first.
Irishdoll, caring heart rang true as he has poor health and that is another factor that make things so difficult.
Once again, thank you all for the support, it means alot to me.

He held you at knifepoint?

If you dont want to leave after that maybe you never will..........he sounds dangerous.

Yip, he did. I got little help from police and was made to feel by some I caused the situation by leaving. I truly lived in fear for that year.
It may seem odd but have less fear with him, it's the thought of losing me that sets him off.

Oh geez, that is to strict. So if a person survives they may be able to get a restraining order there.

I think when someone starts holding a knife to you, it's a pretty good indication that you need to get away from them. Regardless of how much love there is, those are not the actions of a rational person.

Please be careful in whatever you decide...