It is the weekend after Thanksgiving.  

I have been loveless for my entire life, it seems.  I remember the loneliness hitting me hard early in high school.  Seeing people surrounded by more people.  Smiling.  Comfortable.  I was never included in much.

It has been 21 years since high school graduation.  I have a meaningful career.  But that is it.  So I confine myself to that.  Yet, the holiday hell is upon all lonely people.  I went out today and saw friends and family preparing for fun and thingsthingsthings to do.   Not I.  I just pick up my dry cleaning (work clothes), go to the bookstore for another book to fill my non-work time.  Desperately awaiting Monday so I can return to the job... create the illusion that I have human contact.

I am a teacher.  High School.  Lots of thugs and needy kids.... One girl looked at me and said, "Miss... you must have so many men in your life."  I almost burst out laughing.  

But I have a dog.  And a cat.  They walk around me in the house.  I love them and I take care of them.  But what terrifies me is this.  If I didn't have them, where would I be?

It feels as though there is a rock in my chest.  It twists and constricts like a sponge and tears come to my eyes and the corners of my lips dip down to my chin... I'll keep lying to the world.  Sure. Books, poetry, music, and knowledge are filling my heart and soul with riches.  I'll keep lying.

Hello angelicaK,

Be well. And have faith. Life WILL BE BEAUTIFUL. (And I happily noted that my Caps Lock key works just fine).

ss7.

Forgive my chattiness, but what sort of poetry do you like?

Teaching High School is crazy in my opinion.


On-Topic: U will meet that special person very soon.

*puts down fortune cookie*

You haven't had anyone around you in over 20 years? No one at all?

Of course, I love the old stuff. Emily Dickinson is my favorite, John Donne, Longfellow. Millay.

But right now, I am really digging into moderns. Kim Addonizio and Billy Collins are my two picks.

Well, no one has every accused me of being sane.

Not to the depth I would like. I always settled for "another one by my side" instead of real connection. But that is convoluted and hardly interesting. Suffice to say, I don't feel bonds of human connection that others seem to experience.

John Donne and Longfellow are masters.

I have liked Matthew Arnold. A darkling plain where ignorant armies clash at night--the imagery is wonderful.

I also have liked a bit of Shelley. Ozymandias conveys a sense of impermanence like very few poems can.

I liked the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam (the translation by Fitzgerald). Even in the translation, it is transcendental. I can only imagine the beauty of the original Persian text.

I'll look at Kim Addonizio and Billy Collins. They sound interesting.

John Donne and Longfellow are masters.

I have liked Matthew Arnold. A darkling plain where ignorant armies clash at night--the imagery is wonderful.

I also have liked a bit of Shelley. Ozymandias conveys a sense of impermanence like very few poems can.

...A friend of mine named his poodle Shelley. I have grown addicted to my monthly subscription to Poetry Magazine. Good stuff in there, much of it has a sense of humor.