(Sorry for my terrible grammar)
I am a senior in high school and I just cannot talk to people nowadays. It doesn't matter who I talk to, I always feel like they know every terrible thing about me. In my sophomore year I did some pretty messed up things, such as, sexual harassment, being fatphobic, racist comments, and some pretty other messed up things . I did these things because my friends told me to. I never cared for anyone else besides my friends; I just wanted my friends to laugh.
A girl pressed charges on me for sexual harassment (I forced her to look at photos of my naked body). My friends told me to show her the picture; I decided to go with my friends because at the time, I too thought it was hilarious. I got charged with sexual harassment, distribution of illicit pictures, and possession of child exploitation material (pictures of me, I am not a freak). The entire school was talking about the situation and about me. I lost everything- my job, my friends, the respect my parents had for me, etc.- It was the worst year of my life. I realized on how much of a terrible person I was. I wanted to say sorry to the people that I hurt but I became afraid that it was going to cause more drama and make my situation even worse so I refrained from doing so.
A year later, and I fear that everyone thinks about what I did when they gaze in my general direction. Whenever I talk to a new person, I always get nervous and don't know how to form a sentence without worrying about them judging me. I just really want people to talk to without having to worry about this, so I tried the internet; turns out that I have social anxiety and am afraid of initiating a conversation with others. What the hell do I do if I have no one to talk to in person or online?? I just want someone to listen and talk to me. I don't want to be alone.
I am a senior in high school and I just cannot talk to people nowadays. It doesn't matter who I talk to, I always feel like they know every terrible thing about me. In my sophomore year I did some pretty messed up things, such as, sexual harassment, being fatphobic, racist comments, and some pretty other messed up things . I did these things because my friends told me to. I never cared for anyone else besides my friends; I just wanted my friends to laugh.
A girl pressed charges on me for sexual harassment (I forced her to look at photos of my naked body). My friends told me to show her the picture; I decided to go with my friends because at the time, I too thought it was hilarious. I got charged with sexual harassment, distribution of illicit pictures, and possession of child exploitation material (pictures of me, I am not a freak). The entire school was talking about the situation and about me. I lost everything- my job, my friends, the respect my parents had for me, etc.- It was the worst year of my life. I realized on how much of a terrible person I was. I wanted to say sorry to the people that I hurt but I became afraid that it was going to cause more drama and make my situation even worse so I refrained from doing so.
A year later, and I fear that everyone thinks about what I did when they gaze in my general direction. Whenever I talk to a new person, I always get nervous and don't know how to form a sentence without worrying about them judging me. I just really want people to talk to without having to worry about this, so I tried the internet; turns out that I have social anxiety and am afraid of initiating a conversation with others. What the hell do I do if I have no one to talk to in person or online?? I just want someone to listen and talk to me. I don't want to be alone.