I'm in my early 30's.  I was kinda off and on lonely during high school, but then I did meet some people and became a part of this sort of crowd, like my social network, and for a while I though that was my second family and we'd be friends for life.. you know,  FOR LIFE!!! You always hear that in high school...

Then something happened shortly after graduation.  I felt like I was too uncool, too goody goody, and a whole lotta other stuff -- so I just said fuck them. I don't need them.

I managed to find a few girls to date, and for a while that was all I needed to fulfill my social needs.. I had a job. School was going good. Had casual acquaintances at school and work.  But since that old group of high school friends, I never really had a true group of friends. I never had "my boys" since them..

So now, in my 30's, I'm trying to get back out there. But everytime I meet another guy my age, I see that he is-- well he's basically what I would have been had I still hung out with my old high school buddies. He's just a 30 year old version, who still has his longtime friends.

OR, I'll meet a guy around my age, who doesn't keep in touch with old high school friends, instead he keeps in touch with old college friends. Or old army friends. Or old _____ friends.

Point is, every guy I meet is able to say something like "yeah that's john, we go way back. Man I remember this guy when we were at.. etc etc"

Yet for me, I have no history with anyone. I think the fact that I have no history is what will always make me different from them. They have history, and I don't. I have memories, but that's different from history with a person. I have people I once KNEW, but don't keep in touch. They have people they knew and still keep in touch.

Anyway, not everyone is like that. But the GOOD ones are. Doesn't that seem so true??  The GOOD people who you meet and want to be friends with always have good history.  But since history can only happen once per lifetime, we really do only have one chance.

That's a sad fact. I'm tired of trying to be positive..

I hate to see lonely people seeking help yet everyone offers such positive sounding words. My parents are the sweetest people on earth, yet I felt their sweetness didn't help me at all. I needed harsh words, I needed negative attitudes, cause it's with that I would have been able to fight back. But with such sweet, loving words of encouragement, it only REINFORCED my loneliness.

I once had a roomate along with my sister. He was really shy, never left the room. My sister would politely knock, and say "how's it going? Are you okay?".. In the sweetest tone.. As if she was aware that he was lonely..

He never opened up to her.

I'd walk by and say, "what's up. Arite man take it easy" and walk away. I talked to him the same way I'd talk to a guy with a million friends.

He opened up to me.

Anyway, I don't know what the point of this is..

Quite truthfully, I don't see the appeal of history other than bragging rights. I mean, sure, it's cool to say "I've known this guy for decades!", but in quality of friendship, a person you've known for months is just as good as someone you've known for years. If you enjoy a person's presence and have fun, who cares about the history?

Even if you're still hung up on history, being hung up on it is only preventing you from creating more history. Because you dislike the nonhistory you have, it won't let you form a new friendship which you could have for 30, 40, or 50 years (Yes, I believe you'll live to be 80).