^.^
sloth and 20years, like we say here in my country, we would need an axe to open your head/minds. :]
"No, im also not heppy with the way I look....I wish someone could just accept me for who I am and just love me" What is wrong? Are you fat? If you are fat and like to be fat, so keep your weigh. If you are not happy, go on a diet and just stop when you look on the mirror and think: if i was a girl, i would date me x) But change the way you look cause of you, not others, cause you want to feel better about yourself. On the moment you feel better about yourself, you will be more secure too. But something that i would like to make you understand is that even if you were fat, there are people that will not care about that and even like it. My best female friend, Tamara (i know her since i was 8/9) she likes just what is different from her. She is going to kill me lol but she likes guys on wheelchairs. Got the idea? She is really really beautiful but a guy with the legs working has just a few chances of making her fall in love by him. Got the idea? You dont need to be perfect cause, even perfect, some people will not like you and, even if you are not perfect, theres someone that would like to have you.

"EVERYONE ELSE HASN'T BEEN THROUGH WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH"
Sure!!! And the other way around is true too.

"In summary, I realized that I hated myself because I was looking at myself through the narrow eyes of others' expectations. Start living for yourself, put your middle finger up to the manipulators, and you'll start discovering who you truly are and what you want from life. I have started this process already, and it isn't easy to let go of all the societal expectations that we are programmed to fear/obey. Good luck!"
Even with a bit of "bad mood" ^.^, its really a cool part. I liked reading this =)

I see. And how bad do You feel it is? How often and in what situations do You think about Your appearance and what do You do/avoid because of Your looks? Has someone teased You for it or is it strictly personal feelings?

I'm afraid it's also hard to like someone who doesn't like himself. If You don't like You, don't You think others would believe that You're not worth spending time on since You think as You do about Yourself, as a warning? I'll try and help You see the good sides of You, but it'll take some time. We're all different and imperfect in some ways, but what is it about You that think people dislike?

Allright, so You like that You're a nice guy who are relatively intelligent. Those are two great qualities. I also wish i was better looking, but if a person likes Your personality enough the love can be limitless nevertheless. Aha, so Your weight seems to be quite a big part of Your disliking for Your appearance. I don't look special either, but if You're a kind and caring person on the inside people should like You anyway. If they don't, they're not worth it anyway since shallow appearance is all that they care about. Do You feel You have been rejected because of Your looks?

Well, even if You're good-looking You have to be a nice person anyway to gain people's friendship. I wouldn't treat a good-looking woman any better than an ugly person even if they would be equally as nice.

How many people have You tried getting a good contact with?

Allright. Do You know if Your parents gave You little attention during Your upbringing? Did You have a "rivaling" sibling that got more attention? Just because You hate Yourself it doesn't mean that others will. How do You act around others?

So You're not exactly the ideal person from Your point of view. Why should Your own thoughts of Yourself limit Your connection with other people? The longer You've had thoughts like these, the worse they will get. You see the world quite differently from me, and You know what i think? I think that Your view of Yourself and people in general is the biggest problem in all of this.

I honstly dont think im that bad looking, im nothing great, but im not bad. I used to be overweight growing up, of course I was teased by people at school and my brothers.

Nobody dislikes me, its just no girl has ever romantically liked me.
I wast alwas like this though, its repetition of ridicule and rejection that makes you like this.

Thats great and all but its not exactlly easy to find a person that isnt shallow.

too many.

Im the middle of two brothers. Older always got all the attention, younger always got whatever he wanted, I got ignored. I act normal around other people my friends and family cant even really tell that im depressed, that or they just dont care.

Never said that, personaly I think im a great person but I guess nobody else agrees. I dont have a negative view of other people, im shy of course, but im still friendly and pretty outgoing.

btw thanks for the advice luna and 20years

Hey Sloth, I completely sympathize with you here, I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I go through cycles of good health and bad, currently in the middle of a bad spell, and the way I was treated as a child shaped a lot of my self-worth and esteem now. I know that I have a lot to offer and share with someone, but it sure as hell doesn't feel that way, especially when I have never had anyone affirm that.
In the end it comes down to accepting yourself, not that I have any more idea about how to do that then you. I mean, just like when people made assumptions and judged you based on your weight when you were heavy, falsely, I think you may be doing the same to yourself but in reverse. You lost all that weight, and congratulations, that is something that is really hard to do, especially when emotions get all wrapped up in it. But the sense I get from your posts is that now that you have addressed what you thought was your major issue, you feel like things should have just fallen into place. That's my point, I don't think it was the weight that was the problem, I think it was just more of a symptom of your discontent. Here comes the really hard part; now you see how really difficult it is to find that connection with someone, regardless of what you look like. Think of all the drop-dead gorgeous people out there, they don't have any less of a battle to fight than you. It's a hard reality that everyone here is struggling with, myself included. In a lot of ways I think that my weight is a way from hiding from that; when I am heavy I can just tell myself that it isn't that I am not intresting or that there is a big possibility I may never find someone that I can feel that way about, its just my body thats holding people off. OK, that sounds ridiculous, but nobody said delusion was logical
So what to do from there? I don't know my friend. The most contentedness I have ever found was when I just pursued the things I loved and kind of ignored the rest. Only you are responcible for your well-being, as much as it feels like that if you had someone it would all be fixed. Thats not reality, reality is that as much as someone else could help, they also come with a whole bag of thier own shit. That probably doesn't help you at all, I'm sorry. Good luck, I hope that you find what you looking for, though I truly believe you have everything you need in you already, it just takes awknowledging it.

---^---<@

I dont know what to say anymore so its better i can do =/
Hope you will feel better soon!

This post was last modified: 03-28-2008 10:16 AM by Luna.

Thanks ^^