Hi all,

if anyone here has been in my shoes, you know exactly what I mean.

I am 30 years old, and have been looking for a companion pretty much ever since I have gotten out of high school.

It just seems that no matter how hard I try, everyone I try talking to is either married, or has no interest in me whatssoever.

I have joined up with online dating services but have had no luck with them at all. I have yet to ever get past a first date. Either the person I meet I do not like, and the ones that I do like, don't like me, and they never return my calls. The latest example is a girl that I met up with last week for dinner. I liked talking to her, SHE said she had a good time, and that I could give her a call.

Well, that's just what I did......called her sunday and left a message, and again last night, but never did hear back from her.

I just do not understand why I just keep getting older, but just can not find anyone to take a liking to me.

I will say this......I am quite a bit overweight, I weigh about 350 pounds. I think that in itself turns a lot of women off. I've been trying to lose weight, but if you were ever in a position like me, you will know exactly what I mean when I say this: Without much love, understanding, and support from anyone, including family, you pretty much lose any initiative after a while.

That is what I need more than anything.....love, support, and someone I can talk to about things that bother me who will actually UNDERSTAND. But it just seems like anyone who sees me just turns and walks the other direction.

What really gets me, is that you see so many people in this world who HAVE a relationship, and they treat their women like crap. And then there is me......who would not have it in me to treat ANYONE the way I see some of these people treating their significant other........but yet no one wants to so much as give me a chance.

All my life as far back as I can remember, I have wanted to meet someone special, have a family, buy a house, you know, the whole bit. But I've pretty much just given up all hope. Almost everyone I knew growing up is married and have families of their own, heck, even my cousin who is 7 years YOUNGER than me is married and they just had their first child.

I really just don't know what I'm doing wrong. All I want is to meet that ONE person who will accept me for who I am on the inside instead of running the other way.

Am I wrong in thinking that there is just no hope left for me?

Eh, I wrote all this stuff, but in the end I think it would have appeared too flawed in that it was focusing mainly on the human nature of being superficial.

All I can say is if you are lonely and would like to fix that then you need to figure out what it is that turns people off from you.

Clearly, people have some kind of idea of what they find physically attractive. So if someone is seriously overweight then that gives them a bad first impression of you.

But if you don't really care about the weight and just want to find someone who will want to be with you regardless of...see I just can't honestly say this. People are superficial. You might have needs that you would rather have fulfilled that take precedence over physical looks to you; but consider what you would feel if those needs were met and you were looking for a mate. You would want to find someone on a more superficial basis since those more basic needs are fulfilled.

So if you want to find someone to fulfill your needs then find someone who desires to fill the same needs as you.

But be warned that once those needs are met, you will most likely attempt to fulfill the more superficial needs. It's human nature. And one of you will most likely change (in the weight department) and seek to fill the more superficial needs.

It sucks. Hopefully someone will disagree with me and show me how I'm wrong because this is just how I see people and relationships through myself and others around me.

This post was last modified: 08-07-2008 03:02 PM by Anonymous.

((((Sonic))))

I'm going to have to agree with Anonymous on this one, Sonic. You see, it's human nature to want to be with someone that you are physically attracted to. Some flaws can be overlooked, but you still have to be physically attractive to your potential partner. This is where it gets a bit tricky. What's attractive to one woman, may not be attractive to another woman. Your weight might be a non-issue for this woman, but a deal-dreaker for that woman. Granted, there are a lot of shallow people in the world, but I think that it's natural to want and maybe even need to be attracted to your mate. If you feel that your weight is what is holding you back, the THAT is what you need to work on. It's pretty easy for someone to sit back and say, "Oh, she's just shallow and can't see past my (insert physical attribute here). Don't you want to be attracted to your future partner? Of course there has to be some chemestry as well. I guess my point is this: If you want to get the girl, do what you need to do to get her! If you need support in weight reduction, there are a LOT of forums on the internet that offer support, advice, etc. It's not going to be easy, but then again, anything is achievable, as long as you're willing to pay the price. Good luck and I wish you the very best! (((sonic)))

Eve


Side note: I would be more than happy to help you get started on a healthy eating/exercise plan, if you'd like. I'm no doctor or trainer, but I know enough to get you started on the right path. Feel free to PM me with any questions you may have. I'll be glad to help!

Hi Sonic_95 and welcome here mate

I too am in my 30s now and still single. On the self, but I think the sell by date has a way to go yet

I understand all you write. Most ppl I know my age are marred. Even I have cousins who are 10 years younger then me who are living with there girlfriends. Dose not do my confidants any good I can tell you. Going to family parties has really gotten a pain. I used to love them as a kid.

Well ppl wont to be thin, They wont to have no spots, be tall, for me walk with out a limp. Really I think all you need is the confedents to start talking to ppl and maybe do a night class in computers or something if that's what your into. I think if the ppl get to know you and not just the big man then you may make friends and even a GF. ppl always see my limp. But the minute I start talking they forget very fast about that.

Hope to see you around.

This post was last modified: 08-07-2008 06:43 PM by Bluey.

Yes. by thinking that, you are choosing to be alone.

Hi Sonic_95,
I can relate very much to you, as I am practically in the same situation as you. I am 30 and no woman has any interest in me. Also my last date (the first after a very long time) ended up exactly like yours.

I have never been physically attractive, besides I am getting older and I have stopped taking care of my body. I can't do any sports and I am growing a bit fat as well.

I have never accepted myself, I don't like myself but on the other hand, what can I do? Nothing but forcing myself to accept myself for what I am. I can't change my face.

All this situation led me step by step to hide in my little shell and therefore to depression, which makes everything ten times more complicated. Some days I find very hard even to go out for buying food or other everday tasks.

Anyway, what I want to tell you is that if you have a look around, you are going to see a lot of people overweight, ugly, or whatever, that are in a relationship. Why not we? I have come to think that what makes people flee from me is my own attitude. I ask myself "Would you ever be with a depressed person?" and the answer is "No": so why a woman would ever choose me as a partner? What could I give her? Sadness, silence? Nobody wants that, people are already sad when they are alone, why they should like to be sad in company?
So, I believe it isn't very important to be flawless. Of course most people will overlook flaws, especially if they aren't that big, if you offer a different attitude.

I have decided to change first my attitude towards myself, even if it's very hard and I am not sure I will succeed. I have no choice if I want to beat depression.
Then maybe I will gain understanding and support. All I know is that if I continue in this state, there will be no hope left for me.
Everyone chooses his/her own way to improve himself/herself, so I won't say more. Besides, I have still a lot to learn and even more to try out.

Good luck!

GUYS !!!! You are totaly wrong. That is NOT what he realy need to.

(((((((((((( EveWasFramed )))))))))) is right

I have the same logic so I won't write the same thing using another words.

(((((((((((((((keeper ))))))))))))) is right about one thing, good attitude is realy what you need. It would be hard to gain more positive attitude if you won't change yourself just like EveWasFramed said.

This post was last modified: 08-07-2008 10:24 PM by SunWeb.

SunWeb, what do we need, then? Except for good attitude, of course.

Overweight is not the problem. I am a big guy myself and have had several gf's, one fiance', and one ex wife.

Dating sites don't work well for me...i have had tons of first dates, but rarely a second one.

To me, confidence is important. So what if you are big? a charming smile and a compliment can go along way for overcoming any physical defect. Make them laugh! That is key.

With all of that said I am pretty damn lonely myself. No family, no local friends, etc... Been awhile since I have been out on a date myself. My charm is starting to fail...

I also know that the more depressed and lonley you get, the more it affects you. It is a viscious cycle I am all too familiar with Its hard to feel confident when you feel horrible about yourself.

Overweight is not the problem. I am a big guy myself and have had several gf's, one fiance', and one ex wife.

Dating sites don't work well for me...i have had tons of first dates, but rarely a second one.

To me, confidence is important. So what if you are big? a charming smile and a compliment can go along way for overcoming any physical defect. Make them laugh! That is key.

With all of that said I am pretty damn lonely myself. No family, no local friends, etc... Been awhile since I have been out on a date myself. My charm is starting to fail...

I also know that the more depressed and lonley you get, the more it affects you. It is a viscious cycle I am all too familiar with Its hard to feel confident when you feel horrible about yourself.

I totally agree with most of the stuff you said, Grundel. However, I think the weight issue may be what's keeping his confidence level at a low point. I think (from what he explained in his post) that HE would be happier if he was more attractive to the opposite sex. I agree charm, wit, laughter, etc. are all great attributes and go a long way in offsetting perceived flaws. In fact, those are some of very things I look for in a partner. Being respectful and polite are great as well. Nothing sexier than manners, right? But...
If the girl you want isn't physically attracted to you, you're going to strike out and that's the bottom line. She has to be at least somewhat attracted to you.

This post was last modified: 08-08-2008 01:59 AM by EveWasFramed.